Remember that time we stayed up all night in my basement drinking and making out because we wanted to pretend that everything was okay? We turned off all the lights and promised not to say a word to each other for the rest of the night. And I thought that it was something special. I don't know what you were thinking, it wasn't something you would have normally done, I do know that. I know you used to be a quiet boy, you were shy and always listened to your father. And everybody loved you but no one really even knew why. Was I really the one who changed you so much? I never knew I was affecting you in such a negative way. I guess it's true what all the parents say, how I'm such a terrible influence on their kids. But if I had known would it have made a difference? Of course not, I'm so selfish and stubborn as you say that I wouldn't have cared as long as you were mine and only mine. You changed so quickly that it scared me and I didn't know how to respond so when you yelled at me, I yelled back. When you spit on me, I spit on you. When you hit me, I tried to hit you. And then I cried when I knew I couldn't do anything or change anything. And you looked at me the same way my father used to look at me, like I was some worthless little girl. And that's exactly how I felt. I can't even remember what happened to us after that but we never spoke again and that was that. Now that I look back on everything I can't say that it was my fault. I can't say whose fault it was. But I would do anything to go back to that one day when we hung out in my basement and pretended that everything was okay. And I wish I would have told you that sooner because now it's too late and we're too old to pretend that everything is okay.

But still, I wish I knew then what I know now.