Stacy the Homophobic Dog

Once upon a time, there was a dog named Stacy. Stacy was a regular dog of sorts; there were no discerning features about Stacy's figure or attitude. No, Stacy was a regular dog to the untrained eye.

But Stacy was unhappy. Stacy's owners were two gay men. They were very nice to Stacy, and Stacy loved them very much, but she still felt uncomfortable with the relationship they shared together. When they kissed, or caressed, she'd instantly let out a bark and run in to another room. Her owners were just as confused with Stacy's behavior as she was.

So one day they brought her to the vet just down the lane and asked the doctor about Stacy's condition. The three men then said many words that Stacy didn't understand, though she did note the look of shock upon her owners' faces as the doctor pointed down to her nether-regions.

Suddenly another man came in to the room and gave the doctor a long hug. Once again, seeing two men embrace discomforted Stacy, so she barked and ran out of the veterinarian clinic.

Stacy walked around aimless through the streets until she reached a large green park. Stacy started to play. She ran around the park and overall enjoyed herself until she saw two women holding hands.

Stacy immediately commenced her bark-and-run ritual and ran away from the park as fast as she could. Was there no refuge for Stacy? Everywhere she went Stacy saw men and women holding hands with their significant other, always couples of the same sex. Stacy didn't know what to do anymore. She was confused, she was lost, and she was so very alone.

Alone. That word sparked something in Stacy's memory. Everywhere she looked, people were not alone. They all had each other—same sex or not.

Stacy let out a pitiful moan before slumping down in an alleyway.

Since Stacy had nothing better to do, she started cleaning herself. As she did so, she noticed something. She had an epiphany right there while cleaning herself in the middle of the Gay Village.

It was then that Stacy figured out what had caused the shock on her owners' faces at the doctor's office. Stacy was not a she as her name and owners' had made her believe. Stacy was a he. And Stacy, the male dog, was gay.

So much was explained to Stacy in that short minute while licking himself. Stacy realized that the reason he didn't like the couples holding hands was because he was jealous. Stacy wanted that. But where would he find another male dog, let alone one who wanted to be with Stacy?

Stacy let out another pitiful moan before getting back up and continuing his journey, only this time it was no longer aimless.

Stacy strutted down the streets, a newfound bounce in his step. He knew what he wanted, and was now on a mission to attain his goal. To attain his dream. To attain the love of another dog.

Stacy journeyed far and wide (though never leaving the Gay Village) for a companion. He was very disappointed when after weeks of searching; he had still found no one.

He decided to journey back to his home with the gay couple, so that he could at least live in comfort rather than on the streets. He would lead a loveless life, but at least he knew the couple cared about him, even if he was a male dog. Perhaps that only increased their caring.

Little did Stacy know love comes when it's most unexpected.

As Stacy was making his way back to the flat the gay couple shared, he heard a bark-like wail coming from down one of the alleyways. Curious, Stacy made his way up the alley and found another dog, sitting in a corner, bawling.

"Rruuf!" Stacy questioned, a translation being "What's wrong?"

"Rawwwrrrrr Ruf!" the other dog moaned in reply, a translation being "I am so alone."

Stacy introduced himself, and stated that he was also alone because he could not find a companion.

It was then that Stacy discovered the love of his life.

Fred Franklin Ferguson was a hermaphrodite dog, disowned by its owners' because he was different from other dogs. Stacy immediately felt sorry for Fred Franklin and they became the best of friends.

Over time, their relationship became closer. They eventually moved in together in a little hovel behind a second hand car dealer.

Once they finally confessed their love for each other, they decided to get married. Seeing as they didn't have any friends or relatives they went to a little doggy-chapel and got a marriage certificate, because gay marriages are outlawed even for dogs. They vowed to never love anyone but each other and finally the Head Dog stamped the papers granting them a 'civil union'.

Elated at their success, the two dogs tried to get Fred Franklin pregnant because he was the only one with the parts.

Many months later they finally achieved their goals. Fred Franklin Ferguson and Stacy became the proud parents of six little puppies.

The puppies grew up in a happy loving environment and learned to ultimately not judge each other or the world around them on what they saw or what people believed to be true. They were objective thinkers and revolutionized the way dogs acted in their generation through many political protests and other activist movements.

The eight dogs shall forever be remembered.

THE END.


AN: To be completely honest, I have no idea what possesed me to write this. I think that most people who read this (if any do) will have the ever popular chat abreeviation "wtf?" above their head. But every story has a moral, and this one is no exception. I think that the moral is rather close to the surface so you don't have to do much digging. I realize that this is probably one of the stranger stories you are ever going to read but writing it amused me. And hey, and least it's not a cliched romance story right? I think if anything, this story is original.

I realize that many people probably won't like it or accuse me of being on crack while writing it. I assure you I was not on any kind of drug. As for you not liking it, I don't really care. I wrote it to express my opinion on a pertinent issue in society today in a creative manner and I think I achieved that at the very least. Feel free to tell me your opinion on this, or your opinion on my opinion. If you wish to critisize my writting then by all means, go ahead. I am not scared of what people will think of this. I like it, and that's ultimately what matters to me. And I think if you look you can see a few backhanded slaps at society that you may perhaps agree or disagree with. So, just review please. This is the only one-shot I've ever written and I would appreciate some constructive critisism.