I stared at my at the round plastic object that they consider pizza, and sigh in dismay. I wanted a sub, but the line was to long, so instead I opted for the shortest one; which happened to be the Barbie doll pizza line. I poked at my food a bit and sigh some more. I guess I'm not eating lunch today, another ounce of energy wasted for nothing.
"You going to eat that?" asks some random boy who sits at the same table as me. I stare at him confused for a second. I really don't know his name, and don't care to learn it, actually. I mainly sit at this table because I have no where else to sit, and I feel really uncomfortable sitting by myself in a crowded cafeteria.
"Well?" Oh right, he's still expecting an answer.
"Um, no you can have it."
"Thanks!" He grabs my pizza and scoffs it down like he hasn't seen food before. He didn't have any money for lunch again today. I would feel sorry for him, but I know for a fact that he buys food out of the vending machines because he claims he feels nauseous if he doesn't eat before eleven. I overheard him telling his friends that when they were teasing him one day. It's sad that I can remember these trivial facts, but not names. Too bad math doesn't stick the same way conversations do. After awhile, the boredom mixed with the excessive noise starts to make me agitated, and I decide to spend the last fifteen minutes of my lunch in the library, like I do everyday.
"Leaving again?" ask Rachel, a girl who I occasionally talk to since we have the same class together. She's not a really close friend or anything because I don't have those, but sometimes-like lunch for instance-, knowing people comes in handy if you don't want to look like a pathetic loser.
"Yeah, project." I sigh, faking an overwhelmed look. Actually I don't have a project, I just like going to the library, but she never seems to understand that, so I pretend that I have some important school assignment to please her. Weird, I know, but what can I say?
"Sheesh, glad I don't have you're classes. Too much work."
"Yeah, I know right?" I say, ending my daily dose of conversation for the day. Okay just to get some things straight. I'm not antisocial, like those crazy people who don't have any sympathy for society (yes I do pay attention in psychology). I just don't seem to click with people. You know like those weird genius kids? Well that's me except the genius part. Unfortunately, I'm not that smart, well not in math anyway. I'm always on the brink of failing those classes.
I make my way across the courtyard, and quickly decide which path to the library I want to walk through. There are two steps leading towards the library, the freaks hang out on one side, and the rednecks on the other. They constantly fight one another, it's like a freaking war out here sometimes, but sadly, this is the only way they will allowed students to enter the library. Stupid school. I decide that I have much more in common with the freaks, than the rednecks. Seeing as I'm black, and they always stare at me funny, anyway. The freaks don't pay me much attention. Though I'll pick the rednecks to the black kids any other day, but that's another tale for another time.
I walked in the library slightly out of breath, damn those stairs, and head towards my favorite table. I stop mid-stride, when I see some idiot decided that of all the empty tables in the freaking library, they had to choose mine. I set my book-bag a bit roughly on the table next to the one she stole from me, and pull out my book to read. I attempt to read for a couple of seconds, but find I can't concentrate. I mean this isn't my table after all. I hate it when things are out of whack. I send an angry glare at my table, only to see that Ms.-I-like-to-steal-peoples-tables is staring right back at me. She looks a bit shocked for a second, and I quickly glance back at my book embarrassed. I really didn't mean for her to see my evil glare. Sheesh, why do people look at me at the worse of moments? After calming down a bit, I realize something. I've never seen this kid before. Like, ever. I would have noticed if I did.
Wait a minute.
I turn to sneak another peek at my former table. She was actually a he. Wow, he was really pretty, which is weird considering he is a guy and all. He had shoulder length dark brown hair that was layered to frame his face, and large honey brown eyes. Maybe they were large because of the look I was giving him, I think. No, I think that just made them larger actually. He had pouty full lips with a soft complexion. I told you he was pretty.
I would have noticed if some kid like that went to our school. He looked sort of like a model. Maybe he was new. Yeah that's probably it, he was new. Tomorrow he'll be hanging out with the 'popular' kids, because lets face it, he was pretty. Or at least the preps anyway, the jocks might be freaked out. No, he'll definitely hang out with the scene kids. He was gay though, just had that vibe. I mean how can you be that pretty and be a guy, and not be gay?
I gave up hope of new kids actually becoming my best friend a long time ago. I used to have those fantasies that a new kid would pop up and suddenly would only want to be my friend. They'll be cool, and extremely hot, or pretty, and not hang out with the 'popular' kids and only me. Okay, so I never said I was normal now did I? Actually I'm quite weird, seeing as I make up characters, and act out their lives; each person at the same time, like a one woman act. Call it lack of friends, no life, whatever. The sad part is I still can't act.
"Excuse me?" I nearly jump out of my seat in surprised. I mean, sheesh, can't a girl think about her weirdness in private? A bit peeved I look at who interrupted my thoughts, and nearly scream. It's Mr. I'm-so-pretty-table-stealer himself.
"Uh, yeah?" my voice cracks out. Smooth Tonya, smooth. Deep breath. "Yeah?" I say again recovering myself. Okay, so I didn't recover, but I like to pretend things okay?
"Hi, I'm Bradey?" He says smiling. I just stare at him in surprise. I mean so? I would have found that out later. Why is he talking to me? Wow, he's really pretty, suddenly I feel extremely self-conscious. He's still staring at me, and smiling all creepy, what is he waiting for? Oh right…
"Uh, yeah I'm Tonya. Nice to uh, meet you." There, that was smooth. That was one of my prouder moments in life, when I don't make a complete ass out of myself.
"I'm a new here." He says, like I didn't know that already. Duh. Why am I being so mean? I like the kid actually. He seems nice. Stop it.
"I'm sorry," Is all I can manage. What the hell! What kind of response is that? I'm sorry? Who the hell comments back to a statement like that, like that? This is exactly why I don't talk to people. Wrong things pop out. I guess he doesn't' care because he starts laughing.
"So is this school that bad huh?" Okay, he changed my stupid comment into something that made sense. I like him already, well even more. Too bad he's gay. We're not even going to go into my complete lack of love life.
"Actually, yeah, but you're really asking the wrong person. It's probably worse for me than any normal student here."
"Oh, really?" he asks intrigued. Crap, why do I mange to say stupid things. I did not mean for that to come out. He probably thinks I'm a freak now. Why am I freaking out right now? I mean it's not like I like him like that. I mean he is gay. Well, actually I don't know he's gay. I mean there's only three ways to know that. They either tell you, you see it, or you participate. And I didn't do any…unfortunately.
"Well, actually yeah. I'm not exactly popular, hence the library." I say panning my arms across the room demonstrating my point. He stares at me for a second. Oh darn it. I lost a friend, now he's looking for a way to back out of this conversation. I should really keep my mouth shut.
"Really? Cool, I hate popular people. I wasn't popular at my old school either." What the hell? Why not? You're so pretty I almost screamed. He stared at me some more, then I realized I said it out loud. This is why you should not have conversations in your head. You ten to lose touch of what you're really saying. Suddenly he starts laughing again.
"I know. I get that a lot. But my old school didn't like faggots, so yeah…" he trails off. I KNEW IT! I stop myself from doing a jig, mainly because I just met the guy.
"Oh, well, a lot of people don't like gays here either, but there are gay kids. I mean, no one beats them up. Actually there are gay popular kids. I think if you're hot looking they'll like you no matter what. Plus gay guys are the trend now." Why am I rambling again? Stop mouth, stop it. I'm going to lock you up in you're room again if you're not careful.
"Why are you so determined to make me hang out with the popular kids? What the hell? If I wanted to hang with them wouldn't I be at lunch right now?" he kinds of glares at me for a second. Uh oh, I made him angry. Man I'm hungry. I know it's random, but I'm kind of wishing I stood in that sub line. Why was I in a rush to eat anyway? It's not like I was in a hurry to get back to the table. Sometimes my actions bug me. I glance at Bradey and see that he's still staring at me as though expecting an answer. Oh right, he did say something didn't he?
"I don't know. I just thought it was strange that you wanted to talk to me actually. That's all." I blush, I mean, seriously this is embarrassing. He smiles.
"You're cute." I glance up shock. I am not cute. In fact I think I'm rather ugly. I mean why else haven't I been able to get a boyfriend?
"No I'm not." I say, a bit insulted. He looks taken aback for a moment.
"Okay…you're not cute?" He says it like he's agreeing but it comes out more like a question.
"Well not really, actually I'm not exactly good looking." I mean duh, did he not notice my face while he was staring at it? Maybe he needs glasses. He stares at me a bit longer, which is really starting to get on my nerves, considering I hate being stared at.
"Who told you that?" He asks finally. Umm…should I tell him my tragic past? What the hell. Well it is senior year might as well come out.
"Oh, some boys before. Actually, a lot. Guys tend to call me ugly." There, finally got that out. He thinks for a moment. Good, he's not staring at me, that whole staring thing was a bit uncomfortable.
"Well I'm a boy, and I don't think you're ugly." I was about to answer him, because really he was being so sweet. I really am ugly and thought it was rather nice of him to try to boost my self-esteem but the bell suddenly cut me off. Almost making me tinkle and leave a sprinkle. Thank God that didn't happen, I was already embarrassed enough for today.
"So what class do you have next block?" I ask. Maybe I could walk him there, since he is new and everything.
"Really? Me too! Who's you're teacher?"
"Mr. Rancroft, I think," he says and pulls out his schedule, "yeah, Mr. Rancroft."
"Awesome, me too, come on lets go I'll walk you there."
Maybe I found a friend, who knows, but my day is suddenly brighter as I walk with him down the hallway to zoology. Not by myself for once.
"So do you drive home?" asks Bradey. School finally ended for the day and I exited the doors relieved. Zoology was of course boring as usual. You would think cutting up animals would have a bit more pleasure in it, but nope. Mr. Rancroft has the tendency to suck the joy out of fun itself. Fortunately it was the last class of the day, plus today was Friday so I wasn't too bothered by it.
"Actually I do occasionally but my parents and I share a car, and my father took it to work today."
"I can give you a ride, if you'll like."
"Uh…sure. As long as you don't like take me off and kill me or anything." He stares at me as if trying to decide if I was kidding or not. Oh yeah, forgot to laugh after that statement.
"And why would I do that?" he ask with at smile. Gosh he's so pretty. Why can't I look remotely like that? It not fair, guys are supposed to be handsome and hot, not pretty. Well at least no one has ever called me handsome. That would be worse.
"Do you get offended when people call you pretty?" I ask suddenly. "I mean I would if someone called me handsome." He looks taken aback for a second. I really need to stop throwing random questions at people.
"That was…random" he says and laughs. "You're crazy you know that? Um…well actually. I don't mind, I mean, what's wrong with being pretty? If I was a girl and someone called me handsome than it would be insulting, because isn't that like calling you man-ish?"
"Well if that's the case, don't you mind people calling you girl-ish?"
"No. I like it." He giggles, yes…giggles, "I used to wear skirts and stuff too." Is he serious? I stare at him, the way he has been doing to me lately.
"Are you serious?"
"Do you still wear them?" I ask curious.
"Yes, but not to school anymore, people tend to freak out." He pulls out his keys and pushes a button to unlock the car. When did we get to his car? I should really start paying attention to my surroundings. As a matter of fact, I should really start paying attention to a lot of things. Maybe I should make a list.
"Did you change your mind?" Oh right. Number one on the list, stop stopping what you were doing to think. Only works in the movies.
"No." I say getting in. I should call my mother and tell her not to pick me up. Oh well, she comes like thirty minutes late anyway, so no harm done.
His car is pretty by the way, kind of like him. It's small and slender, if a car can even be slender. It's very 'look at me' looking, like himself. Though, he isn't silver, good thing too, because that would just be a tad bit weird.
"Do you like Harry Potter?" I ask suddenly. I mean, I'm totally in love with the series, and if he doesn't like it, I don't think our friendship will work out, because when I say 'like' it's really just an understatement.
"Like, is an understatement, actually," he says turning quickly to grin at me. Well he's driving now, so I'm glad he won't have the chance to stare at me.
"Good, I don't know if I could continue to talk to you if you didn't."
"Isn't that shallow?"
"So, I'm HP Shallow, sue me." He laughs. Why do people laugh at what I say? Am I really that funny? It's when I try cracking jokes they look at me weirdly. Oh well, can't have everything.
"So are you always so," he pauses, thinking up the right word, "unaware?" he says finally. Wow what an interesting question.
"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I have these random thoughts and stuff, and forget that people talk to me when I think them. It's weird."
"So are you ADD or something?"
"I think I'm something, but my parents say their not putting me on any medicine, so no Ritalin for me."
"So do you always wear skirts? I mean for serious?"
"Why, does it bother you?" He glances at me all serious like.
"No, I just never met anyone like that before. Do you think you're a girl trapped in a boy's body?" He suddenly burst out laughing, scaring me slightly. I mean I wasn't expecting that, I was actually expecting some kind of rage. But hey, it's nice, if not scary.
"No, I like being a guy. But wearing girl skirts feels good, I don't know, feels kind of kinky-ish." I let out a snort.
"You sound like Shuuichi from Gravitation."
"Cool, I love him." Oh my gosh! Did I mention he was awesome?
"No I love you!" I scream, scaring myself slightly. Loud noises, incase you haven't noticed, freaks me out. "Not many kids will know what that means. I mean here, anyway." He just laughs again. "Yup, I'm full of surprises." He wrinkles his brow for a minute and pulls over to the side of the road. What the hell…
"Uh, where exactly do you live?" Oh.