And that was how the gravy accident happened. It was quite an excellent accident. The gravy boat rose dramatically into the air, hurling past the mashed potatoes and clearing the roast beef before plummeting, as all airborne grave boats must, dramatically into the floor. Naturally, this resulted in a large portion of the boat being dashed into minuscule pieces that skittered about the floor and between the legs of the party goers. I heard my name yelled, loudly as I tried to stop my self from laughing. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a sponge and some moldy paper towels and hurried back into the dining room. As I stood at the doorway I saw her, such a wretched woman, with her mouth wide open in shock and gravy dripping down her dress pants. Ha, she finally got what was coming to her. Gravy was all over the table and the floor around her. Who invited her to Thanksgiving dinner anyway? I bet it was Grandpa, he always had a thing for the younger ladies. Why would he invite that skank? She might have my blood, and her child the blood of my husband. But she isn't considered family any longer. She always tried to take things from me, and I'd share my Nano Pets with her and my clothes, but my Philip is mine. Oh he passed her the gravy all right! Maybe now she wont come here for Christmas. No one even likes her, I'm so glad that happened to her. Hopefully she'll get into a car accident or something horrible like that. She's so slutty I hate her. In fact I hope she gets hit by a train. In fact! I'm gonna call Jerry Springer. I should pour the mashed potatoes on her head to make her a side dish.
"Can you please pass the gravy, Philip"? What the hell is that? How dare she ask him to pass her anything! He'd passed her enough during their past together, thank you, but that was over now. This is where trying to flirt with my husband got her – with gravy all over her precious dress pants. Dumb rich slut.
What she didn't know was that Philip and I had secretly planned the whole thing. He knew enough about her to know that she had a strange obsession with gravy. It was almost like a fetish. He knew that she would ask for the gravy. And I had made sure to slather the gravy boat with butter before I placed it on the table next to his plate. After that, it was only a matter of time before our plan was set into motion.
I sat on his right. She, thinking she had some sort of right to do so, sat on his left. With a smirk on her ugly face, she started to fidget. I couldn't figure out why it took her so long to grab the gravy. Time was going by and I was growing everly anxious. Come on, come on I kept thinking when WHOOP! There it went. I suppose she had to get the courage up to grab the gravy. She must have been embarrassed about her fetish. Thinking everyone knew about it she probably wanted to hide the fact that she was actually going to take gravy IN FRONT of the FAMILY. No one knew except for me and Philip though. The family got annoyed at her hesitation for taking the gravy for she was the one responsible to start passing the gravy around the table. Now no one had gravy. The plan turned out perfectly. The family mad, her pants ruined. Nothing could be more perfect…unless of course a train came through the window and ran her over…now that would make an even more interesting Thanksgiving…maybe next year. For now the best I could hope for is her leaving early to go home and clean off that mess she had on her. In fact I'll get her keys for her. This will show her not to mess someone else's family.
Time has passed and she has yet to leave. I was tired from the turkey and decided to take a little nap. I think I'll go do that now. Keep an eye on that skank for me, will you? And if she makes a move on my husband, the knives are in the third drawer on the left.