Where am I?

I can't quite seem to find myself. Can you help me?

I always want to say this to someone. Anyone. But who? I find a friend, I trust them, I admire them. I want to tell them. But if I try to ask, it sticks in my throat. I can't say it. If I try, will they simply say I've never been lost?

Maybe I just want to pretend I'm normal. Maybe I want to be just like everybody else. Wait... Does that make me just like everybody else?

No. I don't want that. I want to be myself. I have to find myself.

So much suffering. Everywhere, people hurt. They cry... Why do they cry? How? I see them crying and I want to comfort them. I want to say, I know. I know you. I want to help you. Others do to. But they never help me... All of the crying's inside. Unless I'm alone. Then the crying comes out. It shakes my body in sobs that won't cease.

Who am I?

How do I say this thing, Help me?

They would say, Help you with what?

I don't know! I would reply, words fading. Just help. Somehow. Please.

But it has to come out. I cannot speak it. It sticks like glue. How, then? What do I do? What can I do?

Maybe I think too much, I think. But why is this question so hard, this Who am I?

I am myself. Maybe that is the answer? But how is this so? Are not we all ourselves? How do I say, I am me? Do I push everyone away, say, No! You do not make me. Stay away.

That is bad. I feel the bad. Maybe they make me? Do I make them? And what is this love, this friendship? Where is it? How is it made? What does it really do?

I do not understand. But why? Why can I not understand? I live here. These are parts of life. Is not understanding part of life?

I feel that I am my identity. But what is my identity? Is it defined by what I do? What I think? Maybe the choices I make. Or are these simply the effects?

Where are the two made one? My identity and what I do, are they me? Am I them? Are they the same?

Who am I?