will you still be my penpal when you're gone? i ask &
why would that change? is his reply &
all i can think is
because you don't care
because you don't care as much as i do
because you don't care if you leave, if you get away (as you're always wishing)
because you don't care who you leave behind
but i want so badly
to be one small memory
in the back of your mind
that, every once in a while will surface -
my tired eyes & your sleepy smiles -
& will make you remember me
although you say i won't come back here
because what reason would you have?
but it doesn't phase me
& it isn't driving me crazy
which is the impression i'm sure you're under.
i'll continue to sit here
turning these ideas over & over in my head
when my friends say he's got a crush
about the boy across the room
who enjoys spinning me in circles
because it makes me smile
& i'll wonder,
is the same thing happening to you?
when you're so far away
& going farther?
i wish when i catch the clock
at 11:11
with my i hope you'll be happy
because it's true,
whether or not i say it
(although you've always advised me to say what's on my mind)
& when i tell you
i think you're afraid
you leave in a hurry, in a huff,
& i decide to keep my words to myself,
my hand written feelings
in a hot chocolate journal
from a boy
who never makes me wait.