you're smiling as the streetlamp flickersletting light bounce off the wet pavement,
shining your way down the street.
the cool breeze isn't touching your cold natured skin,
paling now from lack of sun
& lack of warmth...
lack of summer.
missing the sleeping in
& the napping on sidewalks,
sitting in driveways
& atop kitchen counters,
wasting days away talking about the future or the past,
anticipation or maybe nostalgia
climbing up from the back of your throat,
from the back of your mind -
the words you never said or never will.
missing the new forming attachments
that you never expected
& the many interruptions
that rushed the conversations
& drowned your motivations
& kept you second guessing yourself,
but only because the light wasn't bright enough
for you to notice the whole picture.
missing effortless smiles
& going through cups of ice
as though it were an addiction,
& finding new remedies for
your unexplainable sadness
like crying at a movie with your brother
or late night phone calls
when your pseudo insomnia kicks in
& your eyelids won't be persuaded to close
even though you know you'll look dead in the morning.
or standing in the corner of the counter
talking about dreams & sleeptalking
& the memories you're making.
missing reluctancy that you became so used to,
expectations & anticipation.
missing walking outside to be drenched in sunlight
& suddenly comforted, knowing
somehow
somehow,
the bad grade in math no longer matters
the forgotten phone call no longer matters
the one bad day, bad week, bad month no longer matters
all that matters is the sun
& the warmth
& your smile
because it's all you need to be happy
because it's all you have to remember
because it's all you have to look forward to
to be happy.