4'Yo! Timmy, my man! How's it hangin'?'
'Low and slightly to the left!' Someone over in the far corner of the washroom shouted.
'Shut up, Dog! You don't know nuttin'!' Ant came further into the room to whack Doggy Moron round the head, duck the return blow and slap Timmy on the back, grinning.
Ant Doogle was just like his first name. No, he didn't scurry along the ground (much). No, he wasn't black with six legs. Yes, he was small. So small that he could sneak past the unsuspecting blonde guards to 'borrow' the booze and ciggies from their secret stash for the brunette lads.
'Ant, look. I know you have an obsession with whips and like a good tang, but could you please stop trying to get me into them? Besides I like chains and fluffy handcuffs better.' Timothy 'Slaughter' Void said to the little person who came up to his elbow.
Ant grinned. 'S'only a slap on the back, 'sides, then it would be no fun, mate. There's gotta be somethin' more fun than takin' the piss outta those dopey blondes- 'specially General Ditz! God! I wenta pre-school with 'er! She ate the play dough and coughed it out 'er nose!'
Doggy came over from his locker and swung his towel fast into the back of Ant's head. 'Ow! Oi, ya little blighter! Get off me 'ed!' It was really quite amazing that he managed to say two short sentences without pronouncing any of his 't's.
'Yeah, I know what you mean. In primary school she was asked where the liver was found and she asked if it was found in Brazil. They just thought she was slightly slow so they put her back a year. After about 5 years of being in the same year they realised she was a bit more than slightly slow.' Doggy told the listening group of men.
'Yeah, she's a dunnan, 'that one! Eh, Timmy, my boy, 'av you met 'er?'
'Err, no. She's a dunnan?'
'Yeah, basically she's a dumb arse!' He burst out laughing for no apparent reason. ''N' the rest of 'er friends! Caw! 'Er best mate, Maja Div! She really is a maja div! We 'ad a teddy bear picnic in pre-school 'n' she ate all the food!'
They all stared at Ant.
He looked straight at them and then remembered something he hadn't said. 'It was plastic, ent it?!'
There was a chorus of 'ah, right' and then silence before someone shouted from the door.
'Right, lads, time's up! Gossip time over! And if you're not out of this washroom in under ten seconds then I'll put you through hell!'
'But, Miss Sm-'
'No buts! Now move, Doggy, move!'
Ant tried to sweeten the ex-pilot. 'Eh, miss? Didn't ya want ta get your own back 'gainst those dumber 'n' dirt blonde cock-ups?'
'Yeah…what's it to you?' Grace Smell asked the annoying and kinky midget.
'Well-'
'Get to the point or get your cockney-accented person out of my sight!'
'I was thinking-'
'Hey! Anty mate, you know that's not good for your health!' One of the men who was scrabbling at his clothes in order to try and make a record time for getting dressed exclaimed. This man happened to be very, very tall and the contrast to Ant was pretty disturbing. His name was Dudley Boopy. He was usually the one to send the blondes running when he so much as looked at them out of his brown eyes.
'Oi! Boopy! Shut the 'ell up! Na, where was I, Miss Smell?'
'Nowhere.' Grace turned to move away but the little man blocked her path.
'Just 'ear me out, Miss. Ya want revenge, eh?'
'Yes. Now move before I have to hurt you.'
Ant gulped but quickly rushed on. 'So why dun't we get it? Sure, there's like eight a them ta one o' us but there's still a chance.' He saw her look thoughtful for a moment before she nodded.
'What do we have to do?' She asked.
'If y'all wanna come closer then I'll tell ya!' Suddenly everybody surged around them, ranging from tall to short in various stages of undress. 'Now, 'ere's the plan…'
Okay, so I made this up ages ago and forgot about it until now, hopefully it's amusing enough to either wait for the next chapter or read some of my other stuff (I can only hope!).
To all those who review- you are awesome. To all those who read but don't review- thanks anyway. You all rock!