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Chapter 17: How many boyfriends?
"Earth to Alexander the great," Danny's voice cuts through the music from somewhere behind the bar.
"Huh?" Alex turns around to him.
"I'll happily let you take a ten-minute 'fag break' as you call it later if you get back here now and help me out."
"Cool. I'll thank you properly later then, baby," he says and kisses my nose before getting back behind the bar.
I sit down in front of him, watching in admiration as he's mixing drinks with a cigarette between his lips. Fuck the health risks, he looks sexy like that.
"What the hell did you bring? We're only going to be gone for two nights. You must've packed for a fucking week," he says when I put my bag in the boot of his car.
"It's just stuff though. Clothes. I mean, it's a bloody wedding; I needed a suit, right? Well, I don't know what the hell you've done with your suit, but mine takes up a lot of room. Plus there's formal shoes to go with it and-"
"Fuck! The suit. Hang on."
He leaves me by his car and runs back into the building. I lean against his stupid jeep whilst I wait for him to get back. Two minutes later he comes running back out with a smart dark grey suit on a hanger, a white shirt and a pair of shoes in his hand.
"You forgot the suit?"
"Obviously," he mutters and reaches behind the driver's seat to hang it up. "Well, I brought you a hanger as well. You shouldn't keep your suit stuffed into some funky old bag. Go get it out and hang it in the back, ok?"
"Ok."
I do as he says, and once the suit is in place I get in on the passenger side.
He's already sitting in the driver's seat, and I'm pleased to notice that he's got his seatbelt on. He reaches for the glove compartment and gets that silly silver sequin headband out. Looking vainly in the rear view mirror, he puts it in place.
"What's up with the little girl's accessory," I ask. He looks at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about before putting his aviators on.
"Need to keep my hair out of my eyes."
"Why not do what most guys do and get a haircut?"
"I happen to like my hair. And anyways, look who's talking, what's up with that unruly mop of hair?"
"What, me?" I mock indignity.
"Yes, you," he says and flashes me a toothy grin as he pulls out of the parking space.
"It's not half as long as yours!"
"Still much longer than most guys' hair though, wouldn't you say?"
"No..."
He's probably right though. I've not had my hair cut since forever and it's getting a bit long. I think it kind of suits me though.
"Yes, it makes you look very pretty," he says as if he's read my mind. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I say things out loud or if he can actually hear my thoughts. He reaches over and messes my hair up even further.
Pulling out onto the M1 he stops messing with me and seems to focus on his driving instead. I should be thankful, I suppose. It's about five p.m. so there's plenty of traffic.
"How long time is it going to take," I ask.
"How long time until you're going to start going 'are we there yet'?" He laughs. "About a couple of hours. Maybe a bit longer if the traffic is going to be like this all the way there."
"Can I ask you something else?"
He looks quickly over at me before turning his attention back to the road.
"What?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Oh, ha-ha." He moves one of his hands from the wheel to my thigh and lets it rest there.
"Actually, it was something else... Don't take offence or anything though..."
"You make me nervous when you say things like that, you know..."
"Sorry. It's just... I was wondering... Danny, you know? What's his problem? He always looks at me like he hates me."
Alex chuckles at this. I'm not amused. He lets go off my thigh and starts fiddling with the car stereo.
"Danny and I go way back, Jamie. We moved up here from London together. Shared a flat for a couple of years before he met some guy and moved out. We're just good friends I suppose."
"Is that all?" I can feel how grumpy I look. Alex glances over at me, but seems to think I'm being amusing.
"Jamie... Ok. Don't freak now..."
I'm freaking. I wonder if he can tell.
"What?"
"Do you remember that first night? Well, I don't suppose you do... You were a bit out of it, weren't you? But you know you phoned me?"
"Yeah, I know. And threw up on your rug and in your bed, blah blah blah. I know!"
"Yeah, exactly," he laughs; "well, when you phoned me, I was with Danny. Not really with him, with him, you know, well, I suppose we were about to... But we didn't get that far. We were in his bedroom, getting comfortable, I suppose. But then you phoned and I got dressed and left before we had really started doing anything."
I look at him incredulously.
"Why would you do that?"
"Sleep with Danny?"
"No, leave him because some drunken guy phoned you."
"Oh right." He looks a bit flustered. "Well, I suppose I... kind of thought you were cute and it seemed like a good sign that you would phone me when you were on the piss, you know? And you started going on about how your girlfriend didn't understand you and god knows what, so I just figured... You know, I wanted to find out what could happen."
"Very sneaky. And that's why Danny's so pissed off with me?"
"Yeah... I don't know if he's really that pissed off with you though or if it's me. He's a great guy but a bit hard to get on with sometimes. He can be a bit emotional. Yeah, I suppose he got kind of... jealous... or something when I started seeing you. And then he made it all about Seb, which is fucking stupid, because he didn't care about Seb when I was getting my gear off with him, you know?"
"Yeah..."
"You all right, baby? Are you upset?"
"No, not really." Just jealous. "Have you slept with him in the past though?" Got to know, haven't I?
"Jesus, Jamie..."
"Well, have you?"
"What does it matter if I have?"
"I don't know..." It makes me want to set fire to Danny?
"It was ages ago, ok? When we were kids. 19. And even then it was only a couple of times." He puts his hand back on my thigh. "Baby..."
"It's ok."
"He's crap in bed."
I look at him. He's cracking up. Bastard. But then so am I.
It's dark when we pull in on the street where Alex's parents live. I'm extremely nervous. I'm not quite shaking, but it's damn well near. They live in a normal semi-detached house, net curtains in the windows and a neat little garden outside. It looks homey.
"Ok, grab your stuff," Alex says and takes his own suit and bag. He lets me get my things before he slams the doors shut and locks the car. "You ready?"
"Sure." As ready as I'll ever be.
He leads the way up the driveway and rings the doorbell. I'm looking intently at the red front door, nervous about not knowing what to expect. Then I'm sure Alex wouldn't bring me here if it was too scary. Or would he...?
A few moments later the door is thrown wide open and a woman in her 50's stand in front of us, her greyish hair tied up in a messy bun, and a wide smile on her lips. I know where Alex's got his smile from now.
"Alex!" she cries and runs up to him and gives him a hug. "Oh my god! Look at you! It's been ages! What have you done to your hair? You must've cut off at least ten inches!"
I want to laugh at this, but I decide to save it for later and take the piss twice as bad instead. She lets go off Alex and walks up to me. She's looking about as nervous as I feel.
"And you must be Jamie? Jamie or James?"
"Jamie," I say and try my most friendly smile.
"Jamie," she repeats, "very nice to meet you. I'm Alex's mother. Liz." And then she shakes my hand. It feels kind of formal. "Well, come on in now. Your dad's just in the kitchen making a curry. You're hungry, aren't you?"
We're ushered into a cosy house. There are pictures all over the place, and the flowery wallpaper give off a certain country-ish feel. Kind of like my mother's cottage. I spot a framed picture of what must be Alex when he was a kid; he's looking about eight years old or something, and he's smiling at the camera, a couple of teeth missing, and blood on his cheeks. He's looking insanely happy, as if losing a couple of teeth was the best thing that could ever happen to him. It's weird to see him that young, because he looks just like he does now, only, you know, younger. Even his hair looks pretty much the same, meaning he's kept his '89 style.
"Just put your stuff on the sofa for now. You can show Jamie your room after we've eaten," Liz says and we're shown into a small TV room with two plush sofas in it.
We're then immediately taken to the kitchen where Alex's dad is cooking. It looks like Alex got his looks from his mother. His dad is a stout man with a shaved head and a surprisingly neat beard, his arms covered in tattoos.
"John, they're here now," Liz says and walks up to her husband.
Alex's dad turns towards us and looks serious and scary. Before he cracks up in a grin and opens his arms.
"Alright there, son," he says and Alex gives him a hug. Bloody hell. He's got a friendly family, that's for sure.
"Hi dad," Alex says, but his voice sounds muffled as he's being half suffocated by this apparently not-so-scary man.
"And this is Jamie, of course," he says and extends his chubby hand towards me. "Alex tells me you're a United fan? Are you staying to watch the game on Sunday? We'll kick your sorry arses."
"Err..." I start.
"We'll be going back quite early, dad. And Jamie, for some peculiar reason, doesn't care enough about United to get offended, so don't even try," Alex laughs.
It's hard not to get caught up with the general happy atmosphere in this house. They all seem so incredibly happy, it's almost freaky. Coming from a dysfunctional home like I do, this is just weird. I expect people to have problems to deal with. Real problems, not football-related ones. I don't expect people to be like this.
Even when I met Sophie's family for the first time, they all seemed to be really reserved around me. Well, I say Sophie's "family", but I suppose it was just her mother and an older sister who I think I met three times tops during the two years I was seeing Sophie.
We all sit down around a huge oak table in the dining room to eat. Alex and his dad immediately start talking about football and tattoos. I guess Liz feels somehow responsible for me, because she turns to me and starts explaining the details about the wedding tomorrow to me.
"Well, you see, it's kind of a big wedding. We're a big family. Oh, I'm sure Alex must've told you?"
"No, not really." I can't really tell her I don't know anything about them at all and that up until last week I thought Alex was Irish, so I'll just keep to the underestimations.
"Oh, he's forgetful sometimes," she says and I think of how he forgot the suit for the wedding. "Well, I reckon we'll be about 100 people at the wedding. So quite a few. They're all nice people though, I promise you. You don't have to be nervous at all. Are you nervous?"
She's talking a lot and she's talking quite quickly.
"I am a bit, actually, yeah. I mean, I don't really know-"
"You'll be alright, baby," Alex cuts in. "And anyways, it's a wedding, we'll just get drunk and have fun. It'll be like a night out, only nicer."
"Yeah, of course. And it's a great way for you to get to know everyone, because everyone will be there," Alex's dad adds. Why he thinks it's a good idea for me to get to know all these people, I don't know.
Once we've finished the meal, Alex's mother suggests Alex takes me to the local pub. He's more than happy to comply. We take a walk to the Fisherman a couple of blocks down the road.
"Have to introduce you to Ant, don't I?"
"Ant?"
"Anthony." He holds the door to the pub open for me, and just as I spot someone who looks just like Alex behind the bar, he adds the now superfluous; "my brother."
The guy behind the bar looks so much like Alex it's not even funny. Slightly younger though. I'd say he's my age, probably, but with the same odd combination of blonde hair and brown eyes. Anthony's got longer hair though, gathered in a bun on his head. It should make him look like a freaky trannie, but it suits him in the same odd way that a silver sequin headband suits Alex.
"Fucking hell," Anthony shouts as he clocks Alex.
"Hey there little brother," Alex replies and lights up.
Alex jumps gracefully over the bar, looking like quite the gymnast. Once on the same side as his brother, he gives him a hug.
"How fucking long is it since I saw you last now," Ant says, taking a step back and looking at Alex. Huh. Two sentences so far and two "fucking". Charming.
"Dunno. A year or so?"
"Fucking crazy."
Three sentences, three "fucking".
Alex jumps back over the bar and walks up to me, sort of scoping me along towards the bar, where his brother is looking at me with ill-disguised interest.
"And this is Jamie. Jamie, this is my brother."
Ant extends a hand across the bar. He's got a firm grip, and his hands look just like Alex's.
"Nice to meet you, Jamie."
"And you," I say awkwardly.
I feel a bit out of place. Ant's wearing a white t-shirt that reveals arms covered in tattoos. Looks like mostly dragon-type motives. I feel weirdly un-tattooed. Maybe I should get that sorted?
"And anyways, I'm glad you're both here. Jennie's just upstairs. She's fucking bonkers, Alex, I'm telling you. Pre-wedding nerves, or so Paul says."
I give Alex a questioning look.
"Oh right, yeah... Paul's our brother-in-law to be, Jennie's our sister," he explains.
"Yeah, and I'm sorry you're going to have to meet her when she's like this, mate. She's cool normally, but this whole wedding thing hasn't agreed with her," Ant says and hands us a pint each, and I'm gratefully taking a few sips. Alex, as usual, downs most of it straight away.
I'm feeling extremely nervous about meeting this woman now. They're not really helping my nervousness.
Suddenly we're interrupted by a guy running down the stairs from the second floor. He looks about 30 and compared to Alex and Ant, he looks a bit dull. From what I can gather, he's got no tattoos, and his hair is cut short.
"Ant... Something strong please..." he sighs and sits down next to me.
Ant pours him a whiskey and he downs it in about a second, grimacing, and holds out the emptied glass for Ant to refill. The procedure is repeated.
"Hey Paul," Ant says warily, "your brother-in-law is here. And boyfriend."
Paul looks up at me and looks so confused I can't help but laugh discretely at him. Then he spots Alex behind me and recognition dawns on him.
"Of course. Hi there, Alexander." He extends a hand, which Alex shakes.
"Paul," he states. Then I feel his arm around my chest. "This is Jamie," he explains and I shake hands with the poor sod as well.
"Seriously, guys... I'm getting a bit nervous about tomorrow. Not to mention how worked up your sister is about it at the moment. And it can only get worse. I'll be happy once tomorrow's over," he sighs and takes little sips out of whiskey number three.
"Ah, you'll be fine, mate. She'll calm down eventually," Alex says.
"Yeah, I suppose..."
"Jennie's upstairs, you said?" Alex asks.
"Yeah."
"We'll just pop up to see her then. We'll be down in a bit," he says and takes me by the hand.
After that little display by the bar, I'm not sure I'm that excited about getting to meet Alex's sister, but I suppose I'll have to get it done at some point.
We climb the stairs to the dark upstairs section of the pub. It's one of those old-fashioned pubs that have a number of rooms upstairs, and it's amazing that there are so many people up here, because there were not that many downstairs. I catch a middle-aged woman's displeased look as she spots Alex's and my intertwined hands, but it makes me more angry than ashamed. Alex doesn't seem to notice though, and pulls me with him to a room at the far end.
A group of women in their late 20's are sitting by a table by the window, and Alex pushes his way forward to them. One of them, a blonde of course, spots us before we get there and immediately gets on her feet.
"Alex!" she shouts and runs up to him. She virtually jumps up at him, and he catches her, letting my hand go in the process.
"Hey Jennie... How's your last night in freedom," he asks and puts her back on the floor. She adjusts her clothing.
"Oh god..." She moans. "It's stressful as hell, and Paul's not being very supportive."
"There, there, I'm sure he's doing what he can," Alex says and pulls her in for another hug.
His sister seems to notice me for the first time, where I'm standing with my hands awkwardly in the back pockets of my jeans, quietly observing them.
"Alex! What the hell kind of a boyfriend are you," she shouts accusingly; "introduce us, will you?" She frees herself from him, and takes a couple of steps towards me. "No, he won't, you know what he's like, you're the poor bastard who has to put up with him. I'm Alex's big sister. Well, not that big, but older. Although, not that much older either, mind. Jennie."
"Jamie. Err... Congratulations."
"Oh, come here you," she says with a crazy smile and pulls me in for a hug as well.
I put my arms awkwardly around her and look towards Alex for help, but he's just laughing. She's hugging me way longer than she needs to before she finally lets go. Instead she turns towards the women sitting by the table.
"Hey everyone, this is my little brother, Alexander," she makes a little pause so that the women can all mumble "hi Alexander," and smile suggestively, before she adds "and this is his boyfriend, Jamie," only to have the women mumble "hi Jamie" and look at me like... I'm not sure like what. I feel an almost irresistible urge to say "Hi, my name is Jamie and I'm an alcoholic" though.
Alex raises his hand towards them, and I do the same. Jennie gets back to her place and sits down in front of a wineglass.
"Look, Jennie, we'll better get back downstairs... Say hello to Ant properly and more importantly have a few more beers. Is it safe to send Paul back up?"
"Like hell it is! He was only up here earlier to pass some time before meeting up with his mates at the Pub in the park for his stag do."
"Bit of a sad stag do if it doesn't start until..." Alex looks at his wristwatch, "I mean, it's quarter to nine now?"
"Yeah, but you know what he's like. Tell Ant to send us up a couple of more bottles, will you?"
"Will do, mrs," Alex says and salutes her. I'm not sure why.
"I'll be spending tonight at mum's and dad's, so I see you guys there later, yeah? Well, I might not, actually. I'll be late."
"Yeah, and we'll be going to bed early. But I'll see you tomorrow. Have a great night," he leans in and pecks her cheek. "I'll tell Ant to sort you out with wine."
"That's a good lad, Alex. Nice to meet you Jamie, I'll see you tomorrow."
Alex waves at the rest of the women and goes "bye ladies," before he whisks me downstairs again with an arm around my shoulders.
Ant looks up at us as we walk downstairs.
"You survived then?"
"Only barely. Did Paul leave?"
We sit down on a couple of bar stools just in front of Ant.
"Yup." He hands us two new pints. "Thank God."
Alex laughs. "Yeah, tell me about it. I can't stand the fucker. 'Hi there Alexander'... "
We leave the pub by half past ten. We've had about four pints each, so we're perfectly drunk. Not bladdered, but certainly not sober. The lights are still on when we get back to Alex's parents house.
"Oh, you're back now, boys... How was Jennie? Was she awful? She was quite stressed out earlier," Alex's mother says as we get our jackets off in the hallway.
"Ah, not too bad, mum. Taking it out on Paul though, bless her."
Alex's mother smiles as if she knows that Alex doesn't really like Paul.
"John's taken your bags to your room... Towels and things are in there already. If there's anything else you need, just say. Ok?"
"Ok. Thanks mum. Good night." Alex leans in to give her a peck on the cheek.
As he starts climbing the stairs, I do the same, mumbling a "good night" to his mother, and she gives me an insecure hug and a smile.
I follow Alex upstairs. There's a dark corridor with five doors. Alex points at the one at the far end, explaining it's the bathroom, and then he opens the one just next to it and turns the light on.
"And this is my old room," he says happily and lets me in.
It looks pretty much like his flat. Tidy, uncluttered, Arsenal posters on the walls. A slim bed in a corner, a wardrobe, a desk, a tiny sofa and quite surprisingly an electric guitar.
"Didn't know you played the guitar?" I enquire.
"Yeah, totally. Used to be in a band and all... When I was 14," he laughs.
He closes the door behind us, and walks up to me. I love how he always manages to look drunk, even when he's not. Like he is at the moment. Smiling, half-closed eyes...
"Jamie..." he whines softly, "get your clothes off."
"Lock the door then," I say, nervous someone will walk in and find me in the buff. "And close the curtains," I add when Alex turns towards me after having locked the door, a predatory smile gracing his lips.
"Happy now," he asks.
"Fairly," I reply and start removing my t-shirt.
Alex clearly doesn't have the time to wait for me, so quicker than anything; he sheds his own clothes, just leaving them on the floor, before getting into his bed. From under the cover he looks at me expectantly.
I'm feeling extremely conscious as I strip off my jeans and boxers, but I'm determined to do it. And it's not like he's not seen me naked before anyway, so I don't know why I'm being such a baby about it.
He holds up the duvet for me as I crawl in next to him, snuggling up to get some warmth, if nothing else. He quickly turns us around, so that I'm on my back, and he's on top of me, moving his way down under the duvet. For a second I'm lost in the trail of kisses he's making down my chest and stomach, but then nervousness takes over. I lift the duvet up to look at him.
"Alex?"
"Mhm..." he says and continues what he's doing.
"Alex?!"
"What," he asks confused and looks up at me.
"We can't... you know... Not here," I whisper.
"Don't be such a prude, Jamie," he moans, and moves up my body so that he's level with me.
"I'm not, but seriously... Your parents are in the same house, and you know... What if they hear us or something?"
"What if they do? Jesus, are you telling me I'll be sleeping naked next to you for two days but you won't let me fuck you? I'll go mad," he says with a cheeky grin.
"Aren't you worried about what your parents will think?"
"You mean the parents that provided us with a single bed? Not really." He moves off my body so that he's on my side, propped up on his left elbow, and his right hand caressing my chest. "Look, baby... I used to have boyfriends over all the time when I was living here. It's no big deal. They're cool, ok? Otherwise they would've given you the guest room. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be discrete, but it's ok to have sex, I promise you."
"How many boyfriends?"
"You're joking right," he says and leans down to kiss me.
I just let him, because I don't think I want to know how many boyfriends he's talking about. It'd just make me jealous.