Satire: n. a literary deice that exposes the foolishness or pretentiousness or vice or folly of humans

A Teenage Girl's Guide To
HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIPS
What To Do If Your Girl-Friend Starts Dating
By Nodjmet

1. Always be supportive of her choice in partner(s)…. Never mind s/he dumped you two days prior, what matters is their relationship now.

2. Make sure her significant other does not hurt her (emotionally and/or physically)…. Pay your respects to the partner at his/her house and have a nice little chat. Remember to bring a bat with you. Teddy Roosevelt did say, "Speak softly but carry a big stick."

3. Encourage them to spend more time together…. You may even consider giving up a girls' night… or possibly all your girls' nights. Neglect is a good sign. It means the relationship is going so well she has forgotten your existence.

4. Always be ready to listen…. So maybe you don't want to hear all the juicy details, but let her get it all out. You wouldn't want to stamp on their relationship by refusing to listen. It might make her think you don't approve.

5. If they have no time to meet, help them make time…. Some suggestions may include skipping classes or taking midnight romps after the parental units/guardians have fallen asleep.

6. Support her through hard times…. Even if she was the one who cheated on her partner, the partner is at fault.

7. Keep a list of white lies she can use every once in a while…. "Really, mom/dad/guardian, we were just really hot."

8. Promote abstinence…. Or if that doesn't work, provide flavored condoms, water-based lubricants, maybe a vibrator, etc. Might as well be safe.

9. Health comes first…. Encourage her to visit a local Plan Parenthood and to start seeing a gynecologist.

10. Allow them privacy…. If they forget to put a warning up and you accidentally walk in on them, make sure they're practicing safe sex, close the door, put a hat on the door knob, and keep watch for adult figures.