"Your grandfather died this morning"

The funeral is this morning

I'm missing school

So many of my friends don't even know

How am I supposed to bring it up?

I don't want their pity

And if they get close enough

At the wrong time

I'll burst out crying

I refuse to do that

Dad tried telling me

That I didn't need to wear all black

Mom said

He lived a good life

There's no need

But I want to

His casket was open

Again

It breaks my heart

The most

To see my grandmother

Kiss his sleeping face

I'm so worried about her

We walk in

Grandma, Mom,

Aunt Vivian,

Rachel, Me

Behind the casket

I can't look up

I'm crying too hard

And I don't want everyone to see

All the pain

That I know

Is evident on my face

I cried at parts during the Mass

My sister and I,

We brought the gifts up to the alter

It's easier to not cry

When I don't think

I just do

I think the burial was…different

It wasn't what I was expecting

I rode in the second limo

Behind the hearse

In between my cousin and my godfather

With my sister and my brother and my mother's cousin

Behind us

We joked around

Is that normal?

My heels sank into the earth

Once we got there

I sat in the front row

In front of the coffin

With my mother

Grandmother, aunt,

And sister

I couldn't hold the tears in

But I bowed my head

Because I don't like people seeing me cry

We stood up

I can't remember what the deacon said

While we were sitting

But my grandmother stroked the coffin,

Kissed it one final time

And left

Just like the rest of us