Keep Me in Your Arms, My Love

Gabriel Evans stood in front of the full-length mirror, buttoning the wine-colored silk shirt and tucking it into black suit pants that matched the Armani coat lying on his side of the bed. Pale green eyes set in a handsome, tanned face peered at him from behind small, black Armani frames. He was one of the youngest businessmen in England—and one of the youngest.

This last week had been one of the most stressful for him and the company—Evans Sportswear. His father had started it before he was born, and his godfather Kraven had taken over after the car accident that had left Gabriel as an orphan, but had handed it over when Gabriel was old enough to be able to run it.

They were currently in the process of buying out a smaller company. They had also entered into the payment/endorsement negotiations for providing the equipment and apparel that would be needed by the British, Scottish, and Irish athletes for the upcoming summer and winter Olympics. It was the biggest buy that they had ever had.

Also, the last three weeks had been another source of stress—but on his personal life.

It revolved around his lover and boyfriend, Ravyn Knight. The man had been paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident when he had leaned over to protect his daughter, Ivy, who had been three at the time. He couldn't move his legs, but he could feel everything. And for three years, just after he had turned seventeen, he had been in and out of the mental hospitals on suicide watches—he had tried nearly twelve times—and it had been caused by his family (his grandfather, because his mother and father had been out of town) who had disowned him. His father had gone through with it until a year ago when he had come to apologize. His mother had done so long before that.

Ravyn was a wonderful, intelligent man who could play ten instruments and was able to speak, read, and write fluently in seventeen languages and two dead languages as well. Out of a wheelchair, he was six feet tall, with platinum blonde hair so light it could almost be called white that reached nearly to his knees, and eyes of a stunning quicksilver. His skin was like blue-veined, white marble covered strong muscles and added to a physique that had once modeled for underwear companies.

Gabriel looked over at the bed were his lover was untangling his legs from the sheets and hoisting himself into the wheel chair next to the bed. He had deep purple bruises under his eyes from a severe lack of restful sleep, and there were cuts and bruises all over his thinned body. Around his neck were handprints of purple that were the slowest in fading, and his lip was still split.

Three weeks ago, this man had been attacked and consequently gang-raped after a performance that his music group, Mæsqueradè, had put on. He had been thoroughly traumatized by the whole event. He was incapable of leaving the house by his self, and awoke every night screaming and crying and clinging to his lover. It was also frustrating—to Gabriel at least—that they couldn't even begin to have sex without Ravyn freaking out. They could hardly even kiss. And nearly all damn day, he would stay in his private study, instrument room rather, and play one of his instruments for most of the day.

Gabriel had stayed home for a week to help him out, comforting him at night and during the day when he would have a breakdown at least once. Not wanting the seven year old to see her father in such a traumatized state, Ravyn's parents, Adair and Adriana, had taken the little girl, trading off with Ravyn's godfather Sayres, and Kraven. She would visit her father after school, and then return to the home of whomever she was staying with. She was a bright girl with her father's love of languages, and looked like a female version of him with her deceased mother's pale green eyes. With those features, she could pass as Gabriel's daughter as well.

With a sigh, Gabriel noticed that Ravyn had braided his hair into a long cable that went down his back, and was doing practiced hopping movements that allowed him to slide his pants on without assistance. After buttoning them and sliding a buckle through the loops, he pulled on a tight-fitting, black turtleneck sweater in order to hide the bruises that showed where one of his attackers had tried to strangle him.

The paraplegic noticed the gaze on him, and gave his boyfriend a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes before leaving the room to prepare breakfast. Gabriel didn't protest as he was terrible at making any sort of food anyway.

When he finally made his way downstairs, Ravyn had already placed the meals on the table—scrambled eggs with toast and sausage. He smiled as Gabriel sat down and started eating.

The musician had also taken up a somewhat annoying habit of calling him an hour before his lunch break and asking what he wanted, and then showing up—accompanied by someone they knew—in order to bring it to him, claiming that the fast food he usually ate was getting to him and he needed to eat healthier. The truth was, he was sick of Ravyn clinging to him, and he just wished that the man would get over what happened so that things could get back to normal.

He scoffed as he watched Ravyn eat only a few small bites off of his plate before collecting dishes off the stove and starting to clean them. He had thinned dramatically, and Gabriel had tried futilely to get him eat more, but he wouldn't, claiming that he would be sick if he ate anymore than he did.

"What do you want me to make you for lunch today?" Ravyn's soft voice spoke from where he was washing the dishes, hands deep in the soapy water. "I have to go grocery shopping anyway, so if there's anything specific—"

"There isn't."

Ravyn turned and smiled at him faintly, back slumping slightly in defeat. "Alright then. I guess I'll just figure something out later."

"Not unless you're going to eat by yourself." Gabriel's frustrations were finally starting to come to the surface—the last three weeks had been filled with sleep deprivation and the eagerness to be as distant as he could from his boyfriend. He was sick of the clinging.

"What do you mean?" Ravyn was genuinely confused. "Don't you want me to eat with you?"

"No, Ravyn, I don't." He smiled almost harshly. He knew he was being cruel, and he knew that he would regret it, but he didn't think that his boyfriend would get it otherwise. "In fact, I don't want you to try to come to my work, it's just frustrating, and I want to concentrate. Why do you even do it anyway? You have plenty of other things that you could be doing—and there are plenty of other things that the people you drag with could be doing."

It was quiet for a few minutes, before Ravyn spoke up again. His voice was tightly controlled—and Gabriel knew that there was a firm mask of utter blankness, coldness, over those beautiful features. "Because I just want to get out of the house for a few hours, and I thought that it was nice to see you everyday." He turned and took Gabriel's empty plate off the table, not meeting those angry green eyes. "You should be getting to work soon. Sayres is picking me up in a half an hour to bring me grocery shopping."

Growling softly in anger, Gabriel reached out and grabbed the back of the wheelchair, turning it so that he looked his boyfriend in the face. "Why do you need to bring him with you? It's not like you need to get a ride there! We live a ten minute walk away from the one that you've been going to for years," his voice turned low and cruel, "and it's not like any one is going to fucking attack you in the ten minutes that it takes to get there."

Fear fairly poured out of Ravyn's face and into his voice as the dish broke on the ground. "It doesn't matter! If I go alone, I only increase the chances of those people coming back and finishing the job, or something else worse!" His eyes were wide and tears fell from them as emotion choked his voice. "I can't go through that again, Gabriel, I just can't. I'm afraid. What if they're out there? What if—"

Gabriel stood up quickly, eyes blazing as the chair clattered to the floor. He grabbed Ravyn by the shoulders and stared hard into that terrified face. Almost instantly the musician started struggling to get away, memories flooding his fragile mind, body trembling violently with the effort it took to try and get away from both of them. Sobs shook his thinned frame. Screams poured from his throat as Gabriel kissed him roughly on his pouting lips. His finally bit down on his lover's lip, hard, and used the distraction to push his wheelchair backwards.

The young businessmen clamped his hand over his bleeding lip as he glared at his boyfriend.

"What in the bloody hell was that for?" He looked at the crimson fluid on his sleeve. "You know that I could never hurt you like that!"

Ravyn buried his face in his hands, shoulders still quaking with sobs. His voice was soft and anguished. "I do know. I'm so sorry. All I could see were those faces, and I tried to get away from them. I didn't want to hurt you! I'm so sorry."

Gabriel scoffed. "You are always fucking sorry, and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of all of this! I want things to go back to the fucking way they were!"

"I'm trying! I really—"

"No you are fucking not!" Gabriel screamed. "All you do is hide behind those fucking excuses! Just face it! Yes, you were raped, yes, you were attacked, but now it's time to get over it! Think about Ivy!" The paraplegic's eyes widened in fear as realization set in. "What would she think if she saw her father sitting here and whimpering like a bloody weakling? What do you think your father would think if he saw you broken and unable to pick up the pieces that you once were able to? Your mother? And just what about your band?! They've had to bring you back and forth to every single performance, and had to cancel at least one of their shows just because of one of these fucking episodes!"

"But, I—"

"Stop it, now, Ravyn." His voice was chilling as he looked coldly at the broken man in front of him. "I will not take this anymore. You are ruining other people's lives because of your inability to cope with a single attack. I will not come back until you are fully ready to begin what we had before the damned incident. I am not coming home to a broken man."

Ravyn watched, eyes wide with tears pouring down his face as Gabriel grabbed his laptop and walked out the door. He choked as he heard the Ferrari pulling out of the garage.

Every word that his boyfriend had said was true. He was weak. He was ruining everyone else's lives, just because he couldn't fucking get over it. He had talked to Avalon about it, but she had told him that closure would come in time, and that he had to take things slowly. But apparently, it wasn't helping anyone when he had nightmares and when something or someone triggered a flashback. Sayres, his mother and father, Ivy (as much as she understood of the situation), and Kraven had been so patient with him. But apparently, Gabriel had had enough of his weakness.

And all of this had chased the man he loved away from him. His support, his pillar, was gone, and there was nothing that he could do to bring him back. He couldn't just flip a switch and get better.

He wanted to die.

Gabriel wasn't ever going to come back. All because he was so weak.

But there was so much pain. It hurt, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to think about trying to go out there alone. Someone, something, could get at him again, and could take advantage of him. And he was terrified.

Ivy, open-hearted and sweet and enduring as she was, could never keep herself attached to someone like him. She needed a father who was strong, not one that holed himself away in fear. He loved his daughter with all of his fiber, and he couldn't let her listen as he cried and screamed at night—a bitter and broken man.

Thoughts flew and burned in his mind, ripping and tearing at his heart.

It was his fault that everything in everyone's lives went wrong.

It was his fault that Gabriel was so stressed and sleep-deprived.

It was his fault that he couldn't satisfy and be with him the way he needed.

It was his fault that his godfather was always so short tempered with him.

It was his fault that his father and mother had to take care of his daughter.

It was his fault that no one would be able to keep the company afloat after his father died.

It was his fault that Enya's Leukemia had worsened because she had to keep him out of the psychiatric hospital and stop his suicide attempts.

It was his fault that she was dead, bringing Ivy to the world through her sick and dying body.

It was his fault that Mikhail's wife and son had died.

Everything was his fault.

Tears poured down his cheeks as one single solution flitted through his fragile and broken mind.

Clinging to any careful control that he once had, Ravyn reached for the phone and shakily dialed Sayres's phone number.

"Hello? Whoever this is, make it short, because I'm running late bringing my godson to the grocery store."

He chuckled softly at the familiar tone. "I hope I make it quick enough, Sayres. I don't need you to bring me to the grocery store today." His mind spun out a quick lie. "Gabriel went yesterday before coming home."

He heard silence on the other end and wondered if Sayres had believed him.

"Alright," he finally heard, "I guess I don't have to come over there then. Do you want me to stop by later? I'll have Ivy with me tonight. I can also go with you to bring what's-his-name his lunch."

Ravyn swallowed, but smiled faintly at Sayres's reference to Gabriel. They hadn't ever really gotten along. "No, that's alright. I'm going to try and be by myself today. And Gabriel said that he needed to go out to lunch with some of his associates. I'll be fine here."

"Are you sure?" There was genuine concern in the voice. Ravyn felt almost guilty.

"Yes, I am." His eyes filled with tears as he thought of what he had to do. "It's time I started moving on. So I'll start doing things on my own, thank you."

Sayres sighed. Something was nagging at him, but he had no idea what. "Alright then. I'll call later to check up on you. Don't do anything think you can't handle by yourself."

"I won't."

"Goodbye then, Ravyn, and remember that I carry that little thing that seems to beep at inopportune moments with me all the time if you need to get a hold of me."

He hung up the phone.

Small arms wrapped around Sayres from behind and he looked down at the petite woman wearing one of his button-up shirts. Aurore, one of the members of the band that Ravyn played in, looked at him with a worried expression on her face. Her pixie-like head tilted to the side as she ran her hand up his back, sliding them underneath his shirt and making him shiver slightly at the cold touch.

"He'll be alright. You'll see."

He turned dark eyes towards the rarely-serious woman. "I just hope so, Faerie, I just hope so."

Gabriel tossed his glasses off his face and massaged his temples with his fingers in an attempt to quell the headache brewing behind his eyes. It had been a long morning, and he had yet to feel any regret about what he had done. The smaller company had finally settled for something that would work for both of them, and the snooty man that had been their president was now gone until things started again next week.

With a soft sigh, he spun the chair around to look out the large glass windows that adorned the wall behind his black desk. The sky was nearly black with the storm clouds that had rolled their way into London. Any moment, it would start to rain, and the weather people had predicted that it would rain well into the night and into the next day. It was cold, and windy. It would be an interesting ride home—or, rather, to the hotel where he could finally get some sleep.

His eyes looked down as his stomach growled. Looking at the time, he realized that it was near the end of his lunch, and he hadn't eaten anything yet. Frowning, he pressed the button on the intercom.

"Selene," he called softly.

The young woman—his secretary—answered from her intercom on the other side of the door. "Yes, Mr. Evans?"

"I thought I told you to call me Gabriel?"

"Sorry sir. What would you like me to do for you, Gabriel?"

"Would you mind ordering me come food from the Tai place down the street? I haven't eaten anything yet and the Pai Tai smelled wonderful this morning."

Selene frowned, tucking a stray lock of black hair behind her ear. "But, what about Ravyn? Isn't he bringing you lunch today?"

"No," a hint of anger filtered into his voice, "no he is not. I asked him not to come in today."

"Why?" She asked. She liked the cellist, he was sweet and kind. And he seemed willing to tell her about the bad habits her boss had that she would have to learn about quickly.

"That's none of your business. Now, please order me something?"

"Alright sir, I'll get right on it."

"Thank you."

He shut off the intercom and sat back in his chair. It would be a long afternoon.

Ravyn folded the last piece of paper, hands shaking as his pressed the seal into the cooling wax. He had left four letters for people, hoping the words would help them understand why he was doing this.

Sobs shaking his frame, he wrote the names on each of the letters.

Sayres

Written on the first one, penned to someone who would forever be angry.

Adair, and Adriana, beloved father and mother

The second one, for his parents, whom he hoped would understand.

Ivy, my beautiful, talented, wondrous daughter

The third one, he wrote, with a tear smearing her name ever-so-slightly.

Gabriel, my light, my star, my pillar, my love, my angel

He wrote on the fourth one, tears splattering on the paper. It had been the hardest one to write.

After setting his pen down and placing the letters in easy-to-find places, Ravyn wheeled himself into his study, picked up his cello, and began to play sweet soft sounds.

Selene sat at her desk, finished with everything that Gabriel had asked her to do, and set her chin across her folded hands. Things were so strange today. Normally her boss greeted her with a smile, and would ask her about things. But today, he had stormed in, not saying a word at all, and when she had asked how Ravyn was holding up, she had seen a look on his face so dark, it had terrified her. Swallowing, she looked at the phone, wondering whither or not she should call one of the man's friends. Avalon Akademov, who was a psychiatrist, had known both of them for a long time, and had been seeing Ravyn since the accident.

Thinking that she'd rather being sorry for calling the woman and have it be nothing, than not and having something happen, she dialed the number.

Adriana Knight walked into her home, smiled as she watched her granddaughter run up the stairs laughing while her grandfather admonished her while struggling up the stairs after her. She set her purse down on the table next to the answering machine and noticed that there were two messages. Sighing, thinking that they might have been salespeople, she pressed the button and listened.

"Good afternoon, mother, father. This is Ravyn, if you haven't guessed already." His voice sounded as if it was barely being held together. "I'm sorry that this is such late notice, but I won't be able to see Ivy today. Mikhail wants to get the group together to discuss the possibility of going on a European tour. They need my input about what kind of a tour, so I need to go. Michael said that he would drive me to the meeting, so you don't have to worry. Thank you, and please, give my little songbird my love, will you?"

With that, he hung up the phone.

Her brow creased in worry, she pressed the button again and listened to the voice speaking in the next message.

"Adriana, or Adair, whichever one of you is listening to the damn little box that connects to the phone you are incapable of answering, this is Sayres." There was giggling on the other line—a woman. "Oh shut up you. I'm calling because I'm worried about Ravyn. I think something's wrong. He called me this morning because he said that he no longer needed me to bring him to the grocery store, because Gabriel apparently went grocery shopping last night, but according to Kraven, he was at the office until very late, and wasn't able to, which was why Ravyn needed to go in the first place. I think something is wrong, but I don't want to walk over there and have it be nothing. I don't know what else to do, so I'm hoping that you'll do something. Anyway, talk to you later, I have an annoying pixie on my hands." She heard soft protests before the man hung up.

"What does he want us to do, Ana?" The soft voice behind her made her jump, and Adriana turned to look into her husband's worried face.

"I don't know." She said softly. "But I think that Ivy can help us." She looked up the flights of stairs leading to the upper rooms of the mansion. "Ivy! Would you please come down here for a moment?"

The seven-year-old ran down the stairs, pigtails weaving back and forth. "Yes, Gramma Dria?" She asked pale green eyes wide with curiosity.

Adriana smiled. "Will you please call Gabriel? Uncle Sayres is worried because your papa isn't answering the phone."

Ivy smiled. "Okay."

Selene listened in shock as Gabriel slammed the phone down in the receiver, telling the little girl to not call him for a while and that if she really wanted to talk to her lazy father she should call him herself and leave him out of it. She felt immediate relief that she had called Avalon.

She jumped as someone tapped on her desk to get her attention.

Speak of the devil.

Avalon smiled at the secretary. "So, has anything improved since we talked?" She asked. "If it has, then I don't think that I need to be here."

Selene shook her head. "No, it hasn't. He just yelled at Ivy when she called to ask if he knew what Ravyn was doing, since he wasn't answering the phone. I think she was crying. He said to never bother him about it again."

The woman frowned. "Then something really is wrong." She smiled as she turned the knob of the door leading to Gabriel's office. "I'll just go and talk to him to see what's going on."

The younger woman smiled worriedly. "Thank you for coming. I hope things are alright and I'm just being paranoid."

Avalon sighed. "I hope so too."

Gabriel looked up as the door to his office opened. He opened his mouth to yell at the person to get out, but stopped instantly when he saw Avalon standing in the doorway with a scowl on her face.

"What are you doing here, I haven't talked to you and I don't think that Ravyn has." He said, going back to the keys of his laptop and typing furiously.

"Your secretary called me to tell me that you have been edgy and easily angered today. She thought that something was wrong when you yelled at her for mentioning your boyfriend's name, and that you were screaming at Ivy as well."

"He isn't my boyfriend anymore."

Avalon's brown eyes widened in shock. "What are you bloody talking about? Why would you break it off with him?"

Gabriel looked at her through angry eyes. "Because I couldn't take it anymore, that's why. All he does is cling to me, and cling to other people. He hasn't been able to step outside on his own for three weeks! And I'm tired of him having to be with someone, and I'm tired of not being able to touch him intimately anymore without him freaking out and trying to get away!"

"And you know damned well why it is that he needs to have someone to cling to, Gabriel Julian Evans!" She slammed both of her hands on the desk, leaning down to look into pale green eyes. He was shocked; she never used his full name—in fact, no one did. "He's been through something that no one should go through, and he's been more emotionally hurt by it because of the fact that he couldn't do anything about it, and because his handicap prevented him from being able to fight back in any way!"

Gabriel stood, standing over her. "It doesn't help that he's being a bloody pansy about it! Yes, he got attacked, but it's been three weeks, and he needs to get the fuck over it! Everyone's been forced to change their lives in order to accommodate this new handicap! I haven't slept in days because he wakes up screaming every bloody night!"

Smack

Gabriel reeled back, stunned as he touched his hand to his stinging cheek. Avalon looked angrier than he had ever seen her, and she had slapped him, hard. He knew that there would be a bruise there.

"You are the most heartless man I have ever known." Her voice was cold. "He has been there for you since the two of you got back together. Where was he when Kraven was in critical condition at the hospital?" Avalon didn't wait for him to answer. "He was at your side, comforting you and holding you while you sat in fear that your father-figure and godfather was going to die. I know for a fact that he got less sleep than you did, and held your company together while you stayed at the hospital.

"Ravyn has also been through more shit in his life than you ever have. His family disowned him while he was merely seventeen because of his relationship with you. He tried to commit suicide twelve fucking times!" Her voice was choked with tears. "Enya, after they accidentally slept together and he got her pregnant, decided to keep the baby against his pleading and died to give birth to his daughter! You know that he still hasn't forgiven himself for that! And he gave up his ability to walk when he saved Ivy from being killed in that car accident. He's given everything to be by your side and all you do to him after he gets raped by a group of people on the way home from a concert that he decided to wheel from so that you could sleep instead of waking up so that he could get a ride home; more is tell him he's being a pansy and you don't ever want to see him again!"

Avalon punched him hard in the jaw, making him tumble and fall backwards into his chair. "His worst fear was that you would leave him because you thought that he was dirty, used, and that he was weak. This started after the car crash! And all you've done is confirm that he's worthless because of an event that can stay and scare a person for the rest of their lives! Rape is one of the most traumatic events that can happen to someone, both physically and emotionally because they are violated in such a devastating way!"

Gabriel just stood eyes wide as the punch seemed to finally knock some sense into him. He looked at her from where his sat. He did remember how Ravyn was always there, or at least, was always trying to be. But, then, Ravyn had always had that inherent patience that Gabriel had never had. He was suddenly feeling very guilty. He also panicked slightly when he realized just how his words would have affected Ravyn.

"I see you're finally coming to your senses." Avalon was still glaring at him, hands on her hips. "Now, you are going to go to Ravyn and—"

Her words were suddenly cut off when the door to the office was once again slammed open, and a terrifyingly angered Sayres was standing in the doorway. His long hair was plastered to his head by the rain and soaked locks hung in front of those black eyes in strings that seemed to add to his anger. Rain water dripped off his trench coat and onto the floor.

Eyes burning, he half-walked, half-ran to the businessmen and leaned over him, hands balling the fabric of the jacket and pulling him so that they were face-to-face.

"You had better have a bloody, fucking good reason for what you did, because if you don't, you won't ever have to worry about wanting to please my godson." Gabriel's eyes widened in fear, and he noted that Adair and Mikhail were standing in the doorway as well with a terrified looking Selene behind them. Those pale silver and amber eyes were eerie in the dark light of his office. They flashed in a very dramatic way when the lightning flashed behind him.

"I take it that both of you heard everything?" Avalon asked, looking between the two older men and her husband. Adair nodded while Sayres snarled in Gabriel's face. Mikhail's scowl merely deepened. Her eyes hardened. "Good."

"I—I—I don't have a—I'm tired and…"

"I thought not." Sayres's voice was soft and threatening. "We haven't been able to get a hold of Ravyn all day, and even now, when he's usually making dinner for you to come home to, he's usually answering the phone." A soft trill of fear filtered into the man's angry voice. His loved his godson as if he were his own flesh and blood. "And you'd better be hoping that something hasn't happened to him, or it'll be you who has to pay."

Gabriel summoned his manhood from where it had fallen to his feet, and pushed himself to stand up. "I'm going to leave now, and if anything has happened, you won't have to worry about it because I will follow him."

Adair shook his head as Gabriel grabbed his coat. "You will do no such thing. You will feel pain, but if he dies, you will not die with him, because there is a little girl that you have a responsibility to take care of if something happens to her father."

Gabriel swallowed. "But I will take care of this anyway." He looked at Selene. "Call in Kraven and tell him that if something happens, he'll have to take over for a long time. I'm leaving and I don't know if I'm coming back."

With that, he ran out the door.

Avalon watched him as he flew down the stairs. "I'm afraid of the punishment that Ravyn will resort to." Adair and Sayres both looked at her. Mikhail didn't need to look at his wife to know what she was thinking. He merely walked over and held her in his arms. "His body can't handle anything like that happening again."

Adair and Sayres nodded their agreement. They were all afraid.

Gabriel sped the Ferrari into the garage and parked it haphazardly, not bothering to lock it as he pulled the keys from the ignition and running into the house. He was soaked by the rain that was pouring heavily and steadily. His stomach churned as he thought of what Ravyn could have done in the span of time that he had been gone.

As he ran through the house, all he saw was that it was spotlessly clean, and nothing was out of place. He called out his lover's name, fear choking him. He remembered Enya telling him about each time she had found Ravyn, and how it was almost always too late.

Bursting into Ravyn's private study, he noticed that there were four envelopes with different names written on them. Pale green eyes widened as he realized that it was probably exactly as he had feared.

Giving up on the house, he ran out into the back yard, Ravyn's name on his lips. He cried out at what he saw there.

The first thing he saw was an empty wheelchair and he ran to it. A sob choked him as he looked to see Ravyn prone on the other side.

Eyes were shut, and he was as pale as death with platinum blonde hair soaked and clinging to his body. He wore only the sweater and slacks, and his lips were a pale blue. A bloody knife lay next to his body and Gabriel noticed that one of his thin wrists was bleeding profusely. Apparently he was trying for a slow and painful death.

Instantly he was on the ground and gathering the broken man in his arms. He ripped a thick strip of cloth from the bottom hem of his shirt and pressed it to the bleeding wrist. Thinking quickly and thanking whatever deities were listening he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called the emergency number, hysterically giving the accident and the address, hoping they got there before it was too late.

"Please," he begged, carefully brushing the soaking hair out of the slack face, "don't leave me. I need you as much as you need me, and I'm so sorry about everything. I should have realized what was happening to you, but I didn't. I'm so, so, sorry." He buried his face in his lover's cold neck. "How can you ever forgive me? I was so bloody heartless, and you don't deserve this." He kissed those chilled lips ever-so-gently. "Please, love, my Ravyn, don't leave me. Please, I beg you, come back to us." A sob burst from his lips. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He didn't hear the blaring of the emergency sirens as the ambulance came speeding towards their home.

An hour later, he sat in the hall of the hospital, head hanging as he waited for the doctors to come out and tell him what was going to happen to Ravyn. He held the letter written to him in his hand, tear tracks down his face as he remembered with burning clarity what it said.

My beloved angel Gabriel, it started, written in that flowing script,

I'm so sorry that I am as weak as you say I am. I wish I were stronger, my love, but I cannot find any strength left in me without your support. I'm afraid that I am absolutely nothing without you at my side. Gods, I love you so much. I guess I didn't realize how much I loved you, and how much I needed you until you said those things.

I guess you were right, I am weak. I should be able to get over this myself, right? It was my fault anyway. If I had realized how stupid it was to try and get home on my own, maybe I wouldn't have been attacked. It's my entire fault that I've become so weak. I knew that I couldn't protect myself, but I went ahead and tried something anyway.

And I guess you were right about it being my fault that everyone's lives are now so miserable. I mean, I should at least be able to take care of my daughter on my own, shouldn't I? But no, I'm veritably telling everyone to take care of her for me. I should've realized at the moment that Enya told me that she wasn't having an abortion that Ivy was my responsibility and mine alone. And my dear, dear Ivy, she deserves so much more than what I can give her. I can't support her like I should be able to, and it would be better it she didn't have to deal with me. And, if it hadn't been for all of my stupid decisions, she would probably still be alive.

And my parents? Gods, I know that that was my fault. If it hadn't been for my sexual preferences, my father would never had had to be placed in such a situation, nor my mother. And, there would be someone that could carry on with the business when I am unable to, or my father is unable to.

I guess, that is why I have to do this. I love you, Gabriel, so much. You were like the Archangel Michael, coming and dragging me from the pit of despair that I had dug for myself. And yet, you were named after the one that was merely a messenger. Oh, well. I hope you understand that I have to do this—no one would be happy otherwise, right?

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

You deserve so much better than a broken and incomplete man. I am so sorry.

Love, with all my heart,

Ravyn, the blackest of birds

He wished that he could take back everything that he had said. Everything.

Gabriel hadn't ever regretted something like his in his life. He had blamed all of his personal problems on his lover, who had needed his love and support above all else in order to recover all the broken pieces of his mind and heart. His body trembled as he tried to hold in the sobs and shakes as Ivy, tears running down her little face, sobbed as she came running down the hall, followed by her grandparents and 'Uncle Sayres,' threw herself in his arms. Gabriel clung to the little girl who had become like a daughter to him, holding her as she sobbed into his chest.

Adriana was being held by her husband, who was staring emotionlessly into the windows were the doctors were operating on his only son. Sayres merely glared at the businessmen.

They remained quiet with the exception of Ivy's little sobs and Adriana crying for her son. After a few moments, the silence was broken by the tiny, tear-choked voice.

"Is Papa gonna die?" She asked softly, looking up at Gabriel hopefully, her pale eyes begging him to say that everything would be alright.

He sighed, running his fingers through her tangled hair until he had pulled her forehead to rest against his. Jade eyes met jade eyes. "I don't know, little one. I really don't." Her little face began to shut down, but her quieted her. Sayres, Adriana, and Adair watched him quietly. "But I think, ducky, that your Papa knows that you're here, and he'll know how much you love him, and that if he knows all that, he'll be strong for you."

"But," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around the little kitty doll that Ravyn had given to her on the day of her birth, "Papa's not all there." Instantly, all of the adults wondered just how much this seven-year-old really knew, to be able to pick up on that fact. "After those bad people hurt him, Papa didn't really know that we were there for him." Her voice got louder. "What if he doesn't know that we're here? What if?"

Gabriel wrapped his arms around her, engulfing the small body in warmth. There were tears choking his voice that he was unable to keep down. "Because, ducky, he has too. He has to know that we all love him because we are all here, and we are all hoping that he'll be able to know that we want him back. And he knows that if he leaves, there won't be a single dry eye on the earth because everyone will be crying for him, and he won't want that."

The quiet moment was suddenly interrupted when a young man, obviously one of the doctors, came out into the room. He looked rushed and his scrubs were covered in blood. He looked nearly desperate.

"Are you the relatives of Ravyn Knight?"

Adair stepped forward, reluctantly removing his arms from his wife. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

The man swallowed. "We need to give him a blood transfusion, but we've run out of O- blood, and that is the only type we can give him. Do either of you—"

Before he had finished his sentence, Adair was walking forward and rolling up his sleeve. "I'm the only one here with the same type. I'll come with you so you can take mine."

The doctor was instantly relieved. "Thank you, sir. Come with me, please."

Taking a deep breath and one last look at his wife, Adair followed him.

With a soft sigh, Sayres went over to Adriana and took her in his arms, where she clung to him like she had her husband.

Hazy silver eyes looked around the blackened area, trying desperately to figure out where he was. Ravyn stared at the unfamiliar surroundings. The last time he had been here was nearly eight years ago. What was he doing here? A soft giggling made him turn sharply in the air, trying to see who it was.

"It's been a long time, Ravyn."

The cellist's eyes widened as he saw who it was. "Enya?"

The petite woman laughed again, coming towards him. Her inky black hair floated behind her and her pale green eyes were sparkling with mirth. "Who else?" Her face suddenly went serious. "What are you doing here, Ravyn?"

He blushed slightly and turned away from the penetrating gaze. Her eyes widened in realization.

"You tried again, didn't you?" Her voice was soft, and filled with a pain that he hadn't heard since his last attempt on his own life. "Oh, Gods, Ravyn, why in the hell would you do it? I thought that you life was finally going the way that it was supposed to, or close to it at least."

"I'm weak."

The young spirit blinked in surprised. "What would make you think that? You were one of the strongest people I knew."

A lone tear fell down his face. "No I'm not. I can't even get over the fact that I was attacked. I'm not strong enough to be able to go out on my own, and I'm to blame for so many things in other people's lives going wrong."

Hands clamped around his temples and Enya was instantly within his head, looking through all of his memories.

When she was finished, he looked up at her through tear-filled eyes. "Now do you see why I had to leave that life? It was my fau—"

Enya silenced him immediately. "No, Ravyn. It is not your fault." She wrapped her arms around him in a familiar and comforting embrace. "I would've died anyway, it was only a matter of time." Her voice was soft as she spoke. "And I wanted to bring Ivy into the world. In giving my life, was able to create one." Her hands once again found their way to his temples. An influx of recollections sped through his mind and the cellist watched as all the memories of the happy moments that he had shared with the people he loved replayed themselves for him.

Those tiny hands as Ivy wrapped her newborn fingers around his pointer finger.

Ivy's soft giggles as she was taking her first steps.

Her pale green eyes and her tinkling voice as they sped down the street, her little body sitting in his lap while he raced the wheelchair down the sidewalk.

Gabriel as he smiled at him through the concert as he performed.

Sayres taking him to the fair when he was six.

His parents helping him open gifts on Christmas.

Mikhail as he told stories in his strong Russian accent while they were out drinking with the band.

Avalon's bright face as she told him about how Rhys and Rayne were doing.

Enya's wondrous talent as she played her violin as he played his cello or as she sang along with his piano playing.

Gabriel's soft voice, gentle and encouraging, as they made love in their bed for the first time after he returned from the hospital unable to use his legs.

When the memories stopped playing, he looked at his oldest friend with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't go back to them. All Gabriel wanted was for me to get stronger." She wrapped her arms around him in sympathy. "All I want is for those other memories to go away, or, at least, to fade."

Enya smiled in quiet understanding. "Of course, Ravyn. You will be staying here with me until your body heals, and you are ready to face the world as yourself once more." Her smile widened. "And you can tell me all about how our daughter is doing in the world. I want to hear about what our Ivy is doing to the world."

Ravyn smiled. Maybe it was a good thing to allow him self to heal before he woke up.

Gabriel stared down at the unconscious, peaceful face of his lover. They had only just managed to stop the blood flow from his wrist—apparently he had known what he was doing when he had severed through the arteries in a downwards cut with a precision that anyone other than a doctor would be able to do. But he had also come across, while lying in the rain, a severe fever that would slow any healing. The brunette held the uninjured wrist in his hand, gently brushing his lips against the boney knuckles.

"I hope you come back to us soon, my songbird." He said softly, using a nickname that few others knew about. "There's a crowd of people hoping that you'll get better." He chuckled softly, looking at the hordes of sweets, get well cards, and flowers that were swarming the room. "And there are performances that need to be put on, love. Your fans are eagerly awaiting you to come back to the stage. Apparently listening to you sing for them was one of the greatest things that they have ever heard."

"Are you still talking to him?" The deeply accented voice started the man into jumping slightly. Mikhail was standing in the doorway. His long crimson hair was tied out of the way, and those amber eyes were staring at him out of a tanned face. He wore a dark suit with a deep violet shirt that was made of silk. His tall, 6'6" frame barely fit in the doorway. His low voice softened. "Are you sure that he can even hear you?"

Gabriel swallowed. He hadn't confronted the creator of Ravyn's band since he had seen him standing in his office with Adair Knight. In all honesty, the man terrified him. He knew for a fact that if it hadn't been Sayres ready to kill him, it would have been Mikhail. "I have no idea if he can hear me or not, but I know that last time I was here, he did." He sighed. "I want him to know that he has people waiting for him."

Mikhail made his way into the room slowly. Those strange eyes looked down at the man that he had helped in so many ways. It was he who had found him in that little apartment after Ivy was born, playing away at his cello. It was he who brought Ravyn into Mæsqueradè and introduced him to the music world that he loved and shone in. He had been introduced to Avalon as a widower who had also lost his son by the man lying on the bed.

"He does have people waiting for him." He said briskly. His eyes narrowed. "He also has people waiting to have a crack at him for trying to kill him self again."

Gabriel merely looked at him. He hadn't showered or moved from where he was in days, and the musician noticed that.

"Go and get some sleep." He said softly, pulling out a chair and sitting next to the hospital bed. Gabriel looked startled. "I will stay here and keep watch over him." He suddenly pulled a face. "And you are in desperate need of a shower." He indicated the unconscious man on the bed. "What do you think he would do if he woke up to that smell?" He snorted in disgust. "He would promptly pass right back out."

Gabriel couldn't help it. He laughed. "Alright," he chuckled. "I guess I'll back to the apartment and shower, maybe I'll sleep." He got up unsteadily. "I just hope that—"

"Kraven is waiting outside the hospital to give you a lift to your house to grab some clothes, and then you will be staying with him." Intelligent amber eyes looked at him. "We assumed that you would not want to be staying in a home with so many memories of what happened."

Gabriel merely looked at him from where he was in the doorway. "Thank you," was all he said before leaving the room.

After showering, Gabriel sat in the guest room of his godfather's flat, looking down at the little piece of paper that he had written on while he had been sitting at Ravyn's bedside. He had wanted to read it out loud to him, but hadn't gathered the guts.

In that moment, his godfather came waltzing into the room, a grin on his well-aged face. His dark hair was wet from a quick washing and his pale blue eyes were grinning in his face.

"What have you got there, Gabe?" He reached down and plucked the little piece of paper from shocked fingers. He scanned it, reading it. A blush formed on Gabriel's tanned cheeks as he tried to grab at it while his godfather was putting on a pair of reading glasses. Kraven held him back easily with one arm. He mouthed the words as he read.

I look as you lie there in the rain
Every ounce of your spirit taken
I wish I could take away your pain

This sorrow has you under such strain
Thinking that your fear is such a sin
I look as you lie there in the rain

I know of the illness in your veins
Something that has come from deep within
I wish I could take away your pain

Your silence has driven me insane!
A path never willingly chosen
I look as you lie there in the rain

Remember? I found you in the rain\
By me, love, you had been forsaken
I wish I could take away your pain

Our love keeps you terminally sane
Silver eyes once alive with passion
I look as you lie there in the rain

A deep bond to your fragile soul slain
Beautiful face, desperate and broken
I wish I could take away your pain

I see your smile as you drink the red champagne
Our celebration of your life arisen
I had watched as you once laid there in the rain
Lie back as I take away your deep laid pain

Kraven looked down at paper before looked over at his godson with slightly wide eyes.

"You wrote this?"

Gabriel blushed, finally able to pull it away from the man that had raised him. "Yes. I know, I know, it's terrible, right?"

"Absolutely not!" he slapped the piece of paper down on the bedside table before rummaging around the drawer. He came out with another piece of paper. On it was something in Ravyn's handwriting. "He left this here a while ago, and I think that it's for you."

Gabriel looked at him weirdly before looking down and reading it.

We cling to each other in various states of undress
Oh! How my body longs for your intimate touch!
I gasp as deep inside my body you press

To my shoulder, my neck, my chest our lips address
You body becomes my center, my crutch
We cling to each other in various states of undress

Moaning, groaning, with your hot tongue caress
As I stroke I show I love you, and how much
I gasp as deep inside my body you press

The wondrous, torturous feeling will never regress
(Man-to-man) I know you will keep it as such
We cling to each other in various states of undress

Release comes in a burning white mess
Fingers loosen from desperate, heated crutch
I gasp as deep inside my body you press

Only you can bring my body this release, I confess
Screaming as I am brought by only your touch
We cling to each other in various states of undress
I gasp as deep inside my body you press

Gabriel was blushing hard by the time he had finished reading it. He heard his godfather laughing behind him.

"You should have seen Sayres face when he found it." Kraven's face was bright with laughter. "Never knew someone could make that man blush, but apparently his godson can do it quite well."

Gabriel chuckled slightly. He remembered how Ravyn was always writing poems off the top of his head in just that particular style. The businessmen was thinking of publishing them for a birthday present or something—they could really become a commodity among certain circles.

After a few moments of silence, Kraven merely looked at his godson. "Get some sleep, Gabe. We'll go back in the morning to see if anything's changed, shall we?"

Gabriel simply nodded, pulling the covers away from the bed. He neatly folded the pieces of paper before lying down, and for the first time since he was really young, was peacefully aware of his godfather pulling the covers over him and kissing him softly on the forehead before he left.

It was a long night.

Two weeks passed slowly with Ravyn in the hospital. Ivy was in and out of the place everyday, talking animatedly about her day, and about the new kitty that Gramma 'Dria had bought for her, and how Grampa 'Dare thought that that 'the damned ball of fur with claws' was trying to kill him and should go to hell, and so on. Gabriel would smile and laugh at the images of the uptight man being chased after by a tiny ball of black fur with little pale green eyes.

He had been the one to name it 'Trouble' in the first place. Apparently it was living up to its name.

One of the members of Mæsqueradè would stay with the unconscious Ravyn, while allowing Gabriel to shower and get some sleep away from the hospital every few days or so. Tonight, however, he was staying here. Adair was sitting at the blonde's bedside, reading a book. Gabriel was in a very uncomfortable sleeping position on the couch, but he was passed out.

The tall man looked from the book he was reading—The Stranger by Albert Camus—with a slight frown on his face. He thought that he had heard a sound. Adair's silver eyes widened when he saw the pale eyelids fluttering softly. Putting the book down, he got off the chair and moved to sit lightly on the side of the bed, looking down at his son's face. He smiled slightly in relief when quicksilver eyes opened slowly and blinked up at him sleepily.

"I see you're finally awake." He whispered, not wanting to wake the man sleeping on the couch. "We've been waiting for you."

It took a few moments for those eyes to clear, then light curiosity brushed through the slightly hoarse tones. "How long have I been out?"

"Two weeks at least." He lightly brushed the blonde hair out of the wan face. "Do you have any urge to do anything like that again?"

Ravyn chuckled softly. "Absolutely not, father." He suddenly noticed the marks on his father's hand, wrist, and along the side of his face. "What happened to you?"

Adair scowled. "Trouble."

Ravyn frowned, but a small smile came over his face. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Your mother had the brilliant idea of buying Ivy a kitten." He rubbed the marks absently. "And apparently when I called it 'trouble,' that was what she named the thing. That little ball of unlucky black fur tries to kill me daily." He snorted. "And they merely classify the murderous act as 'cute.'"

Ravyn smiled brightly. "At least it's keeping her occupied." His smile dimmed as he remained silent for a few moments. "And," he seemed embarrassed as he asked his question, "what about Gabriel?"

Adair suddenly smiled and pointed in the direction of the couch. Ravyn's eyes widened when he saw the uncomfortably sleeping man. "He has hardly left. Only once or twice has he left, and then only because Mikhail kicked him out of the room—" he smiled again "—literally."

Tears seemed to spring up in his eyes. He had thought that when he came back, he would have to go out and find his wayward lover in order to apologize and try to make things up—but, apparently, nature had done that for him.

"I want to talk to him." Ravyn said quietly, looking at his father almost guiltily. "Alone, please."

Adair simply nodded and picked up his book, but shook Gabriel before walking out the room, not saying a word. Gabriel grumbled, not realizing yet what had conspired. Painfully, and hoping to get his attention, Ravyn sat up slowly, feeling vulnerable while lying down.

Gabriel stretched, yawning, almost completely unaware of the quicksilver eyes that were watching him. When he turned to the hospital bed, his eyes went round behind his glasses. Ravyn smiled at him faintly. "Hello there."

"You-you're awake." Gabriel said, stupidly as he came to stand next to his lover. "After all this time, you're finally awake."

Ravyn blushed and turned away, looking down at the hands in his lap. "I'm sorry." His voice was soft, and he sounded near tears. "I'm sorry."

Without a trace of hesitation, Gabriel reached out and wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, resting his chin against the top of the golden head. "Don't be." He lightly placed a kiss on Ravyn's soft hair. "You have no reason to be sorry." He chuckled lightly, blinking away the tears in his eyes. "It's me who should be sorry. I had no right to yell at you like that. I was just being a stubborn prat. I know you were recovering from something terrible, yet all I could think about was how I was staying up late and having a stressful time at work." He choked. "When I found you, lying there, having had gone to look for you after being," a humorless chuckle escaped his lips, "man-handled by Sayres, slapped and punched by Avalon, and yelled at by Mikhail and Adair, I thought that my heart had been ripped from my chest." His arms tightened, not wanting to let the smaller man go. "All I could think about was that you were going to die and it was my fault."

Ravyn listened to the ramblings with tears in his own eyes. Blinking them back, he looked into Gabriel's red-rimmed eyes. He smiled faintly, then reached his arms around his neck and pulled the brunette into a gentle kiss. Desperate, and needing to reassure himself that Ravyn was, in fact, alive and talking, Gabriel deepened, the kiss, pulling his boyfriend closer to him and delving his tongue into the other's mouth. When they finally separated, Ravyn smiled up into Gabriel's pale green eyes, holding his head against that strong shoulder and feeling the warmth radiating from it.

"But, I haven't, and I'm not going to anytime soon." He said quietly. His smile brightened. "I'm as whole as I ever will be, now, and I intend to stay that way for the rest of my life."

Gabriel smiled radiantly at his boyfriend before kissing him again.

Outside of the room, two couples watched as the two made up, and a little girl was curled in her grandfather's arms asleep while the other was wrapped around his wife. Adriana smiled.

Avalon looked up at her husband, Mikhail. "Things are going to be alright now, aren't they?"

He smiled. "Yes they are."

Kraven merely looked on with tears in his eyes. Sayres watched with a slight smile. Without warning, however, Kraven let out a cry of happiness, and, much to Sayres's apparent disgust, latched on to the dark man, crying happily.

Sayres's looked disgusted.

Opening her little eyes, Ivy giggled at the two of them before she turned to look at her two fathers with a smile on her face.

"And now e'rythin's gonna get back to normal."

Sayres merely looked at the man latched onto him with a scowl—one that only Kraven, Aurore, Adriana, Ravyn, and, much to his chagrin, Ivy seemed immune too. It was the one that scared off normal people.

"Of course they are."

FIN

A/N
I could separate this into chapters, but I don't think I could. Anyways, the two poems that were written in here are both written by me, and me alone. Though the first one did have some changes made to it so that it would fit along with the storyline and the situation better. I'll be posting my poetry around here shortly. Anyway, if there are any comments, questions, concerns, or flames, please put them in a review. Thank you!