At Blacknhite's request, I decided to re-write this tale. Here is the re-written first chapter. Tell me how it came out. We're both dying to know.
Chapter 1: Rei
Ever since my birth, I was raised in a hospital. My mother died giving birth to me, and my father... well, he ran away shortly thereafter. At least that's what I'm told. I had a weak heart, and wasn't supposed to make it past the age of three. Now? I am seventeen.
I've never seen the outside of this hospital room, except for in my dreams. In these dreams, I become someone else... A different person, one who can get things done, other than rot in this bed. I sometimes secretly desire that this is the dream and that my dream world is reality. But hopes, wishes, wants, and even dreams are nothing more than fantasy. Reality is much harsher... much more cruel than that.
But my dreams... my fantasies, they are different; I am different. In real life, I am but a helpless young girl who has never seen the world outside of four walls. My name in this world is Rei, named for the woman who sacrificed herself to save this world... long ago.
The woman in my dreams, Lyre Ayanami. She is the real me. Alabaster in skin tone, the best way to describe her would be an albino. In this respect, we are similar except her skin glows with an angelic quality. Her hair holds even the finest white silk in contempt in contrast to mine; charcoal black, the same as my eyes. They pale in comparison to Lyre's whose eyes radiate a burning crimson. She holds a beauty rivaling that of Venus whereas I am but a vulgar swine. We both have our own difficulties, but she overcomes hers with the strength of a mighty warrior while I submit as though my ankles were behind my head. I can't even live without the aid of machines.
Several times during my, no... Rei's life , I have begged for death, for an end to my suffering. Maybe if Rei's life ends, I can live as I was meant to: as the heroine, Lyre.
I've never told anyone about these thoughts. The last thing I need is to have to deal with is a psychiatrist trying to "fix me". The last time I was 'put on the couch' the man 'interrogating' me almost became my new roommate... in the I.C.U. (Intensive Care Unit).
One week ago, my doctors put me on a new medication. My heart did feel better, and I was brought into a new room on the ground floor (where patients go shortly before their release). But something terrible happened the night of the switch. I slept and had no dreams. Without my dreams, I have no reason to live anymore. I tried to escape this reality once more, using my bedsheets to fashion myself a 'happy noose'. But this reality, much like a prison, cannot be escaped so easily.
As the world faded into a dismal void, I had a distinct feeling of... euphoria. But then Doctor Hojo, a short man with glasses perched over a thin nose and raven black hair tied into a long ponytail, interrupted my 'happy death trap'.
He called for a nurse to stabilize my condition, but I saw this as a win-win situation. If I die, I escape this reality. The worst possible outcome would be an induced coma, in which case I could exist eternally as the goddess Lyre. I could tell, as I passed out, a smirk spread across my face.
I know... I know... It hasn't changed much. That's not the point. The next chapter is where our editing skills are put to use. until next time, with Chapter two: Lyre . read and review.