SHIT!
It ran through my head over and again.
SHIT
No other word could describe what had happened. The situation I was in, the shit situation. I was nearly hyperventilating past crying, past shouting, past every emotion. Just lost. One little girl lost in her life that had stopped being average.
It had been four days since the party and Denver and I were still not talking. When we were forced to be in the same place as one another we avoided and ignored each other. We weren't even insulting each other that's how bad it was. Nobody else really knew what had happened between us I had kept it pretty quiet from Cammie and Denver had done the same. Which was why at six o'clock on Wednesday I was sitting glumly with Cammie and the crowd feeling awkward.
"So what's the plan for the weekend?"
Tina shrugged at Cammie curling one warm arm around me as we sat on one of the big leather couches.
"Its only Wednesday"
I muttered with a sigh stretching sleepily accidentally kicking Amber who groaned and wriggled at my toes.
"Exactly enough time to plan an amazing weekend"
I fidgeted awkwardly in my corner feeling the unspoken tension in the air between Denver and I.
"Don't you guys ever just slum it at the weekend"
Cammie was about to speak but she was interrupted.
"We have too much money for that!"
I felt everyone spring to alert at Denver talking to me. I turned to him unsure of where this conversation would go whether I would be entering into a trap by answering.
"I am sure there's a way people like you can slum it with style"
I replied back cautiously scared in anticipation of his reply. His eyes were still cold as they focussed on me.
"And what do you mean people like me rather than people like you? Liars!"
The whole group was listening and I didn't want the argument to start in their hearing. I bit my lip at the fact I had indeed walked straight into a trap without thinking.
"Denver don't? Please?"
He smiled but it wasn't nice smile, it was a cruel smile that nearly managed to turn his gorgeous face unattractive.
"Don't do what Maddie? Tell the truth? Make you tell the truth?"
I wanted to remain calm and collected but his words were already causing my temper to rise and I snapped my fingers in irritation.
"Look stop throwing it out of proportion. I tried to apologise on Sunday and you wouldn't let me. Stop throwing it out of proportion it was small lie"
"I don't like liars"
I glared back at him as I shifted awkwardly in the deep sofa.
"If it's such a big deal I'll tell them"
At my words he relaxed slightly and smiled in humour.
"Well tell them then"
I could feel my heart beating against my ribs as I looked over the group. I was stuck now. I had just myself put myself in the situation to tell the truth so I didn't really have a choice.
"I lied in truth or dare I'm not a virgin"
Everyone looked a little shocked at my confession. I turned to Denver wanting to cry but a broad smile on my face.
"Happy now?"
"Ecstatic"
He replied and I wanted to slap him so hard.
"I'm glad"
I turned on my heel to walk away. To possibly break down in the tears I had wanted to cry the last few days on the fact that I couldn't escape my past but I still really needed my friends to help me deal with it.
"Why did you lie?"
I turned to see Amber looking at me sitting up straighter on the coach looking a little hurt.
"Coz a lot of shit happened because of it and I wanted a fresh start coming here which apparently I can't get because Jack still wants to continue his cruel torture over texts even though it was fucking two years ago but anyway can I go or do you want the whole sad tale because it is very juicy"
My voice was bitter and I felt bad that I was directing it at Amber.
"Sorry I've gotta go"
And I briskly turned on my heel nearly running out of the common room to my bedroom. Thankfully Sophie was out training and I collapsed down on my bed. Strangely after wanting to I didn't cry. I just sat there staring at the wall letting the memories run like a film through my head. Remembering the pain, the sadness, the loneliness. His latest text burnt in my mind
What no reply. I'm disappointed with you, where's the sassy slutty girl I kno?
It had come that morning and I was so mad at him I almost couldn't function properly. I wanted to hurt someone because he wasn't in front of me to yell or lash out at. There was knock at the door and I turned as the door opened to see Denver standing in the doorway.
"Generally people wait to be invited in"
I shot at him as I tucked the mess of my hair behind my ears.
"Can I come in?"
He didn't look scared, nervous or sorry he looked relaxed and comfortable which infuriated me in my depressive mood. I wanted him to feel bad for the way he was making me feel but deep down I knew it wasn't all his doing but that didn't stop me blaming
"No you can't plus guys aren't allowed in the girl dorm rooms"
"You've been in mine"
I turned around ignoring him just wanting him to leave. He coughed and I looked over my shoulder with a fake bored look.
"Oh you're still here. That's strange because I distinctly remember telling you you couldn't come in"
"Doesn't mean I can't hover in the doorway"
I didn't smile at his smart comment and rolled my eyes at his arrogant attitude.
"What is this coming to gloat at your revenge?"
I demanded wanting to be on my own. Definitely not wanting to be in the same room as Denver.
"That wasn't revenge that was getting everything out in the open. No lies"
I smiled bitterly at those simple words. No lies, the implausibility of them in my life which was full of lies, lies I told people, lies I told myself, lies I lived.
"I have more secrets and lies than that Denver"
I said tired with the conversation. Denver stepped into the room despite my refusal of him doing so. He shrugged his shoulders looking less arrogant and nearly kind.
"You want to tell me them?"
I laughed tossing my head back.
"Not particularly"
"Look I'm sorry if you think I was harsh but I hate lies. I've been lied to at home my whole life so I appreciate having friends and people around me who are honest"
I stopped any retorts I was going to say at his honesty. I smiled feeling the truce settle between us.
"If I told you the truth then I wouldn't be able to try to forget anymore because you'd all know and give me sympathy which I don't want. I just want to forget"
"And that looks like it's working so well"
I surprised myself by smiling at his words, at the truth in them.
"It would work better if he stopped texting me"
I sighed out and then edged away as he came to sit beside me on the bed.
"And who's he?"
"Jack McCarthy"
I answered honestly.
"Jack fucking McCarthy the biggest fucking arsehole in the world who enjoys making me cry and hurt. Finds it so entertaining that he can't even stop when we're separated by miles"
I jumped when I felt a warm palm on my hand and I turned to look at Denver one hell of confused at his action. His gorgeous blues eyes were warm and compassionate once more.
"And I'm kinda fed up of crying about him now. Its been too long and I just want to let go of it all and I can't no matter how hard and…"
My mobile beeped and I turned to look at it somehow knowing it was Jacks reply to my text of pure abusive language. I bit my lip reaching over and flicked open my phone to read the message. I bit down harder and harder on my lip as I read the text till I felt the sour sharp taste of blood in my mouth.
"Let me read that"
Denver snatched the mobile at my hands after seeing my reaction. He started to read it out and I held back any tears that wanted to fall.
"Nice to know you still want me baby. Which you do! You want it so bad I know sexual tension and I felt in that text. You horny little slut. We should meet up you know you've got so hot and I think you'd be better at the no strings attached sex now seeing you've spread you're slutty wings. Yeah I've heard the rumours. So give me a bell and we'll hook up!"
Denver looked over at me when he finished and I turned to him with a smile.
"It's lies. He knows its lies he spread half those fucking rumours. See why I lied that is the guy I lost my precious virginity too and then he dumped me the next day telling everyone what a little whore I was and that I threw myself at him and that was the only reason he slept with a fourteen year old coz come he wouldn't sleep with an underage girl normally but I was gagging for it apparently, apparently"
I snorted standing up with the aggression and anger I felt raging through me. I turned back to the bed and saw Denver looking at me with pity.
"Don't! Don't pity me. This is why I didn't want you to know and that's why I won't tell you the rest. Because yes it does get messier WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
I screamed as he raised my mobile to his ear.
"Phoning this Jack"
He answered as if it was the most logical thing in the world. I stared at him in shock unsure what to do.
"Hi is that Jack?"
I watched the horrible scenario dumb.
"Oh I'm a friend of Maddies"
"No I'm not fucking her"
At that I leapt forward grabbing the mobile from Denvers hand.
"Don't fucking talk to him"
I hung up the phone before I had to speak to him and turned glaring to Denver when my mobile began ringing again. I looked down at the ringing handset in my hand and with a sigh flicked it open and bought it to my ear.
"Hello"
"Well, well if it isn't Maddie"
I gulped at his voice and felt pure red fury wash over me.
"Yep its Maddie hey fucker how are you?"
"Great! Especially now I'm talking to you"
I sighed pacing the room at his arrogant voice. It maddened me so much his smooth self-assured voice.
"See that's where we differ because talking to you is actually ruining my already pretty rubbish day"
I retorted back.
"Now that's not very nice"
"Dickheads like you don't deserve niceness Jack"
"Ahh well I see time hasn't made you any friendlier"
"Well what do you expect from the girl you tried to socially and emotionally destroy. That I'd treat you like my best pal coz we hadn't talked for four months"
"Well I thought maybe you would be a little less bitter. Look don't blame me for your mistakes"
"Stop there I'm not a stupid naïve fourteen year old who can be convinced she's in the wrong when she's not ok Jack. I've wised up since then. For example I know you're a bastard who took advantage of me and I was an idiot who fell for it"
"Come on baby I think we should put this past us. I mean you've got really hot and I think we should start moving forward in our relationship"
I wanted to seriously scream. I was still amazed how one guy could rile me up so much and make me so mad. Denver was watching me unsure on whether to stay or go. I knew I probably looked a state having run my fingers over and over in my hair I was looking like a mad professor. My mascara was smudged as I kept on rubbing my eyes. The conversation was seriously stressing me out.
"Jack there is no relationship. You blew whatever relationship we could have had two years ago and I know you only want me for sex. That's all you ever wanted me for and I don't do that, I never did"
I clipped the phone shut and threw it down on the bed. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was so mad. Letting out a little scream I punched my hand forward I hit the hard plastered wall and smiled grimly at the pain.
"Maddie"
I turned to look at Denver with a tired smile sitting down on my bed.
"Well now you kinda know what I've been up against"
I looked down at my hand that I was starting to throb slightly at the might I'd thrown it at the wall.
"Oww"
"You're really messed up aren't you?"
I looked up Denver at his words. He was watching me not scared or nervous but just passively waiting for my reaction.
"Yep"
I nodded.
"Really messed up but I'm not always like this. Well I suppose I am a little but I was saner back home. Despite everything I was saner"
"I think saneness is over rated"
I smiled as he sat down next to me. It was the type of thing Jessie said to my when I was down or having a moment.
"What you like this mess of a girl?"
I asked with a giggle and he looked down at my with his incredibly intense eyes and the look he gave me simply answered my question.
"So what's the rest of the story?"
I shook my head at his question lifting my legs up in front of me on the bed.
"Oh I think I've disclosed enough of the Madeline Perry teen tragedy for now"
He smiled and I without thinking leant back on him resting my head on his shoulder. His arm slipped around my waist and it was a comforting embrace. I felt that after all his kindness he deserved a little more and I gave a little sigh.
"Lets just say it was the beginning of two year incessant bullying, emotional, mental and physical! You have no idea how much shit that guy has done to me"
I'm doing someting I normally never do uplaoding a chapter I'm not sure about but oh well lets do it and see what reaction I get. i don't mind criticism but make it constructive and don't fucking patronise me! thats all I request other than that please review thanks a lot
Opal Fairy xxx