It's okay to imagine its really as simple as "okay, I forgive you." It's alright to watch everyone else skip down the easy path while you drag the chains of guilt and shame because you don't want to cause distress, at least not today.

You save those fantasies for fevered midnight dreams. The ones where you're hunting, chasing a thousand demons you can't defeat in the blinding light of day. And you can't catch the breath you need to scream all the thoughts you need to scream, but that's not so different from being awake, is it?

And it's okay to roll away from the sun every morning because you're desperate to capture those demons, to defeat them at long last, to end your torture. It's okay to linger on your pillow, wrestling with the insane urge to weep as the light invades and your fantasy evaporates. The hunt will continue in the cradle of darkness.

And one day you'll find yourself facing the demons in the light. But they won't devour you, because you'll be strong. You'll stand tall and strike each one down like the pathetic thing it is. One day you'll be master of your days and your nights.

But take your time. It's okay, I'm waiting for you.

-End

©2007 Lili Leader