3A/N: Hi, I realise this will have a hundred and one errors. I do not blame if you close this right now because I fully understand that badly written stories can be really annoying. I just wish for your sincere opinion in hope to improve my writting and hope that you admired my work for the feelings, and emotions that are waiting to be unleashed. This was just a story inspired by many things and I would really like it if some of you took the time to review. Thanks. D
A Walk Around The Past
I walked around my old school to I realized I didn't want to go home. For some unknown reason of the cosmos something inside me just wanted to sit under that oak tree. I stood there motionless for a long time staring at that oak tree. I wondered what made me so appealed to that particular spot. Then I remembered that was where I had met him.
I guess I should begin earlier about 6 years ago. That afternoon I was munching on an apple trying to tell Rachel (my present college roommate) she would fall hard on her bum if she kept attempting to climb that tree. Of course she didn't listen.
Just then, a guy walked by slowly with some perplexing thoughts on his mind. Rachel stood still for a moment and yelled out "hey, Daniel!" I realized at that precise second that she was acquainted with this guy. He stopped and said "Hey, err you might want to take it easy I don't think you can handle another concussion" I laughed and his gaze fell upon me. It lasted for mere seconds as Rachel yelled. Daniel was alarmed at tried to save her but he failed miserably. Rachel fell with a loud thump and Daniel made a louder thump a moment after her. Daniel and I laughed and said together "I told you!"
It suddenly occured to me that Daniel didn't know my name so I extended my arm and said in what I hoped was a leveled tone "Joey." He smiled and reached for my hand. That hand shake was firm and warm. After that we went on our separate ways. I still remember that animated personality of his. I didn't see him until one day after school he came to one of the environment club meeting.
I questioned what he was doing there but he sat down and begun talking to a couple of people. I didn't mean to over hear but I didn't have much else to do. Ally was unable to attend this meeting because she had to go pickup one of her younger sibling.
The days went by and I would occasionally talk to him but I couldn't really say we were friends and that thought made me feel empty. I couldn't understand my feelings I barely knew this guy. Everything I did know about him was he was the same age as me, he was really lazy, and he took some AP classes as I did. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous or the most popular guy in school. A lot of people knew him and he was normal looking. At the time he was practically a complete stranger to me; I didn't even know his last name!
Then one day in mid autumn, I had just escaped the hell hole a student council meeting and on my way home I watched the sky changed to a darker shade. I was walking without a care in the world when I remember I had turned my cell phone off; that was when I began rummaging through my pockets attempting to find my cell phone. At some point I had begun to think I had forgotten it somewhere in school and when I found it squished between my history and science text book. I signed in relief; I flipped the cell phone open with my right hand and laughed as my eyes saw the screen. My mother had called me 3 times in one hour. I was about to take a left turn in the tennis courts when I saw him with a couple of friends.
I did my best to appear distracted by my cell phone and act as if I hadn't seen him at all. I kept walking along the concrete side street hoping to pass by him unnoticed. I heard him say something to his friends and he begun walking towards my direction and then I stopped. I figured he was trying to catch up so I stopped and turned around. Daniel had attempted to scare me. I wasn't sure what to do in such situation and my mouth blurted, "HI!"Daniel frowned and he walked beside me. The silence was comfortable but it was broken when he asked, "are you taking the buss?" I looked at my feet and said, "no," I had never wished more than I had to take the buss.
Daniel groaned and I tried to be comforting "Well, I still have to walk about 15 minutes to get home." Daniel snorted and said, "even if I drove it would take more than 15 minutes. Screw everyone who lives near the school!" I laughed followed by a retort, "well, aren't we cheerful today." He grunted and inquired, "how come you are walking home so late?" I shrugged, "student council." He snorted and said, "I know you, and you are not made for politics." It took me by surprise that he knew me so well, and I nodded saying truthfully, "Well, some university is bound to appreciate it."
He ignored what I said and mentioned "you know you are awfully short even for you grade." I rolled my eyes at that question. I was angry that he had made such a crude coment towards me that I retorted, "well, maybe I am really normal height and you are just freakishly tall! Ever thought about that?! Hmmm, did you?" He smiled and laughed at that. He mentioned "aren't we hyper today."
I figured he would go to the buss stop so I crossed the street when I knew we would continue our separate paths. It is because of such reason that I didn't expect to see him beside me. I think it was worse that I couldn't deny it felt safe. We walked among the same path and I noticed we were getting isolated from the buss stop so I asked anxious for the answer "er… are you going the opposite way of your destination." He nodded and said "yes, I was hoping I could jump over that fence." He explained and I laughed quickly mentioning "reconsider, the altitude is… a lot" He frowned and said, "then, I'll see you… when I do." I laughed and saw him walk away.
Then something changed and I just became friends with him. The mere thought made me smile. I could keep on lying to myself but I knew I felt something that was anything but friendship- I liked him. I liked him a lot. So, as the days passed I couldn't stop talking about him, I couldn't explain what happen to me. I was not the sort of girl that her hormones got the better of her. I knew reality was that I was falling of a plane with no parachute to save me. So, why was I letting myself keep on talking to him?
I knew what things would eventually result as so… WHY was I doing so! What made me follow the clear level headed obvious decision. Why was I letting myself fall of a 100 store building to fall in the cold pavement?
Such thoughts made me want to cry but I would never allow myself to go as low as to blink tears.
I still remember what he did when I showed him my essay. He practically shred it to pieces. It wasn't literally but deep inside I would have preferred if he shred the paper. It was really all my fault. After all, it was I who put herself on the line for him to stab me hard.
I felt broken, I felt weak.
How could one person do such damage?
I was mad.
I had become one with no purpose. I had fallen into a wishing well waiting for help. I wasn't even fighting to escape my fate. I should have isolated myself from you while I could. I should had when I had the chance.
Yet, things are always complicated. While one doesn't have the answer to the future one can predict them. Something just tells you everything will happen and yet you ignore it and let fate take its curse. Events do not happen because they have to, but because we let them. In the world of luck, chance, reality and hope we often forget that there are times when we have the power to create something great or destroy something. We and ourselves alone are the ones that lead ourselves to the cliff of life where there is no escape but falling.
That is why I just had to blow up and said everything... somehow someway karma was bound to kick my butt. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. Most weren't even true; they were but a simple way to allow my anger to diminish. Along my path I had lost that small friendship. Normally it wouldn't be so- just so. I had nothing left but to put my ego aside and try my best to apologize knowing all to well it would be useless. I felt maybe being stuck in a wishing well wasn't all that bad.
I was tired.
Tired of listening to everyone, tired of not knowing what was ahead, tired of the power he had over me, tired of being the happiest person alive to later change everything, I was tired of life period! When I hurt Daniel with my words I felt worse than ever. I felt sick, as if I wanted to puke. I really couldn't tell if I was in love. If this was what love was like then:
It. Sucked.
I begun to avoid him, and we just grew distant. This was how long it took me to realize why I had stayed in such position that would one way or another lead me to falling so hard. I had stayed because I rather had his friendship that nothing at all. I prefer to be his friend than to drive him out of my life. I had found the utter mystery of life and the thing is there is no way to explain it. When you know what it is. You can't help but think it's almost wrong to say what it is because it will restrain others to actually acknowledge what you have.
We are driven by desire simply put. The desire to be happy- and in my eyes there is nothing wrong with that. That is why I sat under the tree that one day after school deep in thoughts watching the snow fall on the ground perfectly aware that by sitting in the frozen grass and had my butt permanently frozen. I had turned my head in a 90 degree angle as the door of the school swung open.
That is when I froze - it was him. I could do nothing because there was no person to run over and say hi to, no book to cover behind, and not enough snow to burry myself in. All there was left was for me to face the moment I had escaped all that time was there. It had caught me with nowhere to run or hide. Things had changed and we both knew it. I smiled weakly and told him the only thing that I could come up with "it's snowing" he laughed and nodded looking at the sky. In the middle of our quiet, uncomfortable silence he broke it with mere words that had never made me happier:
"Don't worry. I over insulted your work, your writing is very important and I upset you. Let's put it in the past."
It was then when the brown school doors swung open once again. We both turned around and saw a girl with brown wavy curls. Daniel was looking at her with a look of happiness I had never seen on his eyes. It reminded me of how I felt when ever I saw him walking down the hall. I wasn't stupid but in this moment I wished I was because the thing is…
He liked her.
I looked at the ground now covered with a thin blanket of snow and we 3 walked along the same path. The few minutes I met her I really liked her. I couldn't hate her like I wanted to; secretly I approved. I could still remember how much it had hurt. I was not ready to move on but I had to. I was going to let him go because things just weren't meant to be.
I stopped going to environment club and begun tutoring smaller kids in science. I tried to avoid him and I successfully did but a part of me wishes I had hurt myself more. It felt like the wound had never diminished. I think time only made it worse.
A part of me wished that I had kept my friendship but I let my heart guide me to a point I couldn't stand to be in. I hope never to return, to a point I never want to see again, and to a place where no one should be. I was too stubborn to let my heart move on.
The years passed by and here I was under that same tree where I stood today. I was a little bruised, hopefully wiser, perhaps more realistic, but the truth was the hopeless romantic was lost- perhaps it was still somewhere in me but I refuse to admit of its existence which had already led me to great falls. I don't think these falls ever healed.
I got up and went my way. To stop at a coffee house near by when I saw him walking down the street and. I would have said hi but I couldn't help but remember he let me fall much too hard, "I doubt he remembers me. So, what's the point" I said to myself. It is not like we would become friends, get married, or some nonsense like that.
Surprise led me when he dropped a globe. He bent down to pick it up and saw me. Smiling friendly as I remembered he said "Hi" and walked my way. I was happier than I had been in a long time.
He begun talking and said "wow you have changed Joey… you don't smile as often" I looked at the ground until I retorted
"Well, there isn't much to smile these days with exams coming soon. Besides where do you get of saying I changed; look at you, you can stand in one place for 10 seconds. I say that beats the pants of me not smiling as often."
He laughed and said "I grew up. Besides, I am sure you grew up as well…or not."
I smiled glad to his laugh again. I stood still and asked "Stupid question. What IS your last name? I never found out." He raised an eyebrow "why didn't you just look in the yearbook? It's Jones by the way. You know I don't really have anything to do so if you want we could go somewhere and catch up."
My heart raced as it had done in the hallways so often. I smiled and said, "Sure" Then he asked me "are you taking the buss?" I shrugged "I might take a cab back to campus" He smiled and said "if you want I could give you a ride." I laughed and told him "You really hate taking the buss don't you? Thanks, I could use a ride" He laughed and nodded. I knew this was the beginning of something.
Fate has a twisted mind.