FOX 5 NEWS
CHICAGO NEWS CENTER
MIKE: Hello, and welcome to Fox 5 News at 37 o'clock. I'm Mike...
WANDA: And I'm piss-off, excuse me, Wanda.
MIKE: Okay! Let's move on to the technical news.
WANDA: It is currently 643 degrees Celsius in Chicago, and we have 7,913 inches of rain coming this afternoon.
MIKE: There was a split in Highway 86,453 caused by an earthquake, where 651 cars fell in, and only 892 people died.
WANDA: Can I have a coffee break?
MIKE: Maybe later. Let's move on to the big news.
WANDA: Biggest story today: a tourist in New York murdered a 2 month old ant, apparently with Nike Shox tennis shoes. He escaped from dozens of police though. Mike?
MIKE: The Prime Minister of Malaysia clogged one of his many toilets, but refuses to admit it was his fault.
WANDA: A coffee break now?
TEN MINUTES LATER
WANDA (in high-pitched voice): Much better.
MIKE: Did you just inhale helium?!
WANDA: Maybe, maybe not.
MIKE: Today with us we have Professor I. Emduhm.
WANDA: He has made many wonderful achievements in engineering.
MIKE: Such as inventing the plunger-
WANDA: Toilet paper-
MIKE: Toilet-seat cushions-
WANDA: And he has begun to work on a futuristic automatic cleaning toilet.
PROFFESOR: Yes, thank you for the introduction.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
PROFFESOR: ...And that's where I got the idea for the plunger.
MIKE (falling asleep): Very interesting.
WANDA: Yes. I'm afraid that's all the time we have.
PROFFESOR: But, I haven't gotten to tell about my new and improved air freshener!
MIKE: Phew! Let's have a word from our sponsors.
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WANDA: And we're back!
MIKE: Yeah! Wanda figured something out!
WANDA: You little son of a-
MIKE: Sorry, not on live TV.
WANDA: How about a coffee break?
MIKE: Not now gosh-darn it!
WANDA: In Afghanistan, a man dressed up in a red suit and robbed a house entering the chimney. He is in jail now.
MIKE: Do they even celebrate Christmas in Afghanistan?!
WANDA: Maybe, maybe not.
MIKE: You're making all this up!
WANDA: No, it's the news for Earth 2, located in a galaxy similar to the Milky Way.
MIKE: Oh great. This concludes our news presentation for tonight.