There's a game humans seem to enjoy playing when they are young and female that I have particularly fond memories of...I believe it is called 'House'.

I've observed that the basic rules of House dictate that before a game begins, all the little girls must first dig every piece of ruffly, lacey, flowery, or jarringly colorful doll clothing they can find out of the toy box. This odd assortment is then painstakingly alotted to the correct doll or stuffed animal, which had previously been unclothed for unknown reasons or simply had never owned any. A mass outfitting ensues. This process, which often takes hours to complete, is then followed by approximately 5 minutes of discussion over the scenario that shall be performed, generally concerning such life or death matters as lunchtime, diaper changes, or math class. If the little girls agree on the topic they then begin moving the dolls around jerkily and speak with squeaky high voices using cliche lines they heard on a television show.

This is the part I've never understood: in all my experience of House, the game play has never lasted nearly as long as the setup. Why devote 4+ hours of your time to getting ready only to play a game that lasts less than 20 minutes before collapsing into a yelling war because 'Cami Sue wasn't supposed to be the teacher's pet, Sparkle-Eyes Barbie was!' or 'Mr. Bear isn't allowed to go to school with them 'cause he's a BOY'? I believe the longest time ever observed was an hour and a half of play before the younger of my two young female owners pitched a fit and threw the other's 'baby' down the stairs for unknown reasons.


Aside from the rather inane structure of really is a pleasant game. I'm not just saying this because it's so amusing to watch the out of control spiral into the inevitable shouting match. Heh.

No, I've come to appreciate it because it gives a kitty the chance to feel pretty again.

Pretty pretty kitty. (Sigh.)

My favorite dress was a rather frilly number, but delicate in its femininity. A pink sundress with a teddy bear on it. I could run around in that all day...and was often forced to when House was interrupted and the girls suddenly forgot about me.

There was a blue shirt I was fairly fond of too. A sweater that was cozy and warm. All different kinds of ribbons for my neck...

Yes, I think it's fair to say I became an expert on the sorts of outfits that looked good on me. Red: DEFINITELY my color. Yellow: DEFINITELY not.

The only time I had to protest was when they tried to stuff my ears into their bonnets... Yeah...those little hats babies are forced to wear? They should be left for the babies. Kitties NEED their ear space.

Got that? Hmmm? It's important. Write it down again. 'Kitties NEED their ear space. No bonnets allowed.'

I was given many starring roles in the action. A couple of times I was one of their daughters with a plain name like Ellie, Fluffer, or Lucrezia. Once I got to be a princess who either had 7 different names or one extremely long name. Don't even ask me to remember all of them...just know that at least two of them were Sapphire and Aurora Borealix.

Yes, Borealix. They certainly loved making up names.

Or maybe they just didn't know how to pronounce it. (Shrug) It was still cute.

I wish I could go back to those days. They were some good times. Good, good times.

Alas that we no longer have young females in the house. They have all aged beyond such silly things as playacting as the brainless 50's wives they all seemed to want to be at the time. It's a pity, really, that Ginny will never experience such childish joys.

Then again, lucky her, she also doesn't have to experience a bonnet. I don't even think there are any more left in the house.

(Sigh.) Well, there go all my plots to force her head into one and make her run around blindfolded...I was really looking forward to that, too.

Time is evil. The world's worst enemy. Death to time!

...or something.