A Life Worth Living

A dark gloom shadowed the walls of the small bathroom as if a piece of night had crept stealthily in to haunt a cloudless, blue day, whose rays strived to shine through the opaque glass of the bathroom's only tiny round window. Examining the yellowish-white tiles, she squinted slightly until the room disappeared into a pure haze and she felt as if she were enfolded in a warm cotton blanket. The idle drip coming from the cracked faucet measured each minute, precisely as if keeping tempo to a silent serenade. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3…

She thought mistily of her family as she pressed the razor into her the milk-white skin of her wrist and couldn't believe how selfish she was, yet she could bare her family's shame over the creeping darkness that ate at the core of her soul and threatened to completely consume her. If there was anything to stop the darkness, this was the best way.

Sitting slumped against the warm tile, she wondered if anyone would truly miss her or if she really was the burden, that bitch of a prima donna who couldn't figure out her life. She just didn't have anymore energy to try and pretend anymore, to fabricate a false sense of fulfillment, of purpose. Each one was as empty as the last and suddenly she was just too tired to deal with it anymore. What did it matter anyway? What she wanted, really wanted, existed only in the perfect world of dreams. She had watched longingly for years her dream through the bars of reality and found that no matter how hard she tried or pretended, nothing would make it real. Not even death.

Watching the blood drip in little rivulets, she thought that if she just barely squinted, it didn't seem nearly as bad and was almost beautiful in a way, comforting, like the cotton blanket. She felt a new type of darkness approach. It wasn't cold and empty, but warm and bottomless. She knew that this darkness would swallow her up and break apart that the black seed sprouting in her soul and release her blissfully into a world of nothing. Her mind drifted lazily over her dream and she sighed with content and regret. It would have been a life worth living.