A/N: Wow, Sorry for the wait guys. Final's are a bitch.
Luke
Note to Self: Next time I decide to convince Matt to not be mad at me, don't use chocolate syrup.
"Ewe, what the hell were you thinking Luke?" Aidan grumbled, ripping the sheets from my bed.
" I was trying to get Matt back…" I sighed, looking up at her from my scrubbing of the floor.
Note to Self: If we weren't dating can I really 'get him back'?
"Can you really get him back? You weren't fucking dating after all." Aidan grunted from her scrubbing of the walls.
Note to Self: Stay out of Aidan's head. Not a safe place to be.
I sighed. "Well, maybe…I don't know."
Aidan rolled her eyes for the millionth time today. "Luke. Do you even know what's wrong with him?" She asked, no, demanded is a better word for it.
Note to Self: Poor Aidan…She's been so different since her mother died…
I looked up at her slightly sadly and shook my head slowly.
Note to Self: If I knew what was wrong with him, I would have fixed it by now and we wouldn't be cleaning chocolate syrup off my walls.
Aidan dropped her rag and flopped to the floor in front of me. "You are so stupid Luke."
She growled, shaking her head at me. "He wants you to stay with him." She sighed out, crossing her arms and looking like she was swallowing back tears.
I shook my head right back at her. "Why on earth would he want me to do that?" I had barely gotten the words out before the left side of my face was sparking in pain.
Note to Self: Aidan has a very good right hook.
"Are you fucking serious! After all this fucking time!? Every one telling you, hinting at you, you don't know!?" She pushed me to the ground from our kneeling positions. "He fucking loves you Luke!" Aidan's eyes glazed with tears that I didn't understand the purpose of.
"Aidan…why are you crying?" I lifted my weight onto my arms, still laying back, but now facing her.
Note to Self: …my face hurts…
Aidan bucked her head like a horse to the side, knocking her lime green bangs in front of her face. "He wants you to stay. And, I want you to be happy…so…stay." A lone tear slipped down her face. "You aren't as into art as I am anyway. And you sure as hell don't have a passion for writing. I'm a selfish bitch to make you go with me, when you can stay with Matt and be happy…" She sobbed slightly, her red face clashing with her green and plum hair has tears streaked down her furiously broken face.
"Aidan…" I leaned up and cupped her face in my hands. "I'm going with you because you're my best friend." I stared pointedly into her eyes, trying to validate my words.
Aidan smirked through her tears. "I'm your only friend Luke."
I smiled and nodded. "That just makes you more important then." My smile dropped slightly. "Either way…I want to go with you. And…Matt doesn't care that much anyway." I watched her face fall before she dropped my gaze.
We sat in silence, the rags that were now stained with chocolate scattered around us.
"I'm sorry I hit you…" She sighed out, wrapping and arm around my neck and dropping her head to my shoulder..
I nodded at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as well. "It's fine." I whispered, patting her back a couple of times.
She sighed and leant back. "This is the last day right?" She asked, picking up a rag and scrubbing at the last spot on the carpet.
Note to Self: Change the subject Aidan to the rescue.
I nodded again, leaning back against my bed frame. "Matt's taking us. Then, he has an appointment with a scout from University of Virginia tomorrow."
She scrubbed violently until the stain was almost non-existent. "Why didn't they just come to his last game? I mean, schools over, he shouldn't have to like, prove himself again."
I just shrugged. "I'm not sure. Something about his scholarship."
Note to Self: Why are we having this kind of discussion? We should be talking about something more important. Like, Matt.
Note to Self: Yes, the same Matt who just mildly stormed into the room.
Matt stared straight at the wall and kept him voice monotone. "Elaine wants us on the road in ten minutes." he alerted like he was in the army or something.
Aidan saluted with her chocolate rag. "Yes sir." She responded, staring up at him as he turned and just walked away.
Note to Self: …we don't even merit a response now. Freaking perfect.
Aidan sighed, "You sure have your work cut out for you Luke." She prophesized, standing and throwing the rags in the bucket of water. "Go ahead and get down stairs before ass-hat decides to come back up here and put a damper on more of my day."
Note to Self: She could be so loving.
Luke's Session
I entered the room before Dr. Clark as usual, sitting in my plush chair and starting a staring contest with The Statue.
Note to Self: Is the capitalization really necessary? Yes. Yes it is.
So. Back to the statue. I was going to steal it.
But how.
"Hello Luke." I jumped what was possibly a foot in the air.
I looked over at her with an expression that I knew displayed my thieving thoughts. Swallowing harshly, I nodded at her with a small smile. "Hello Dr. Clark."
She grinned at me and sat across from me. "So, I'm going to ignore what session number this is. Lets just pretend that we'll see each other again next week." She paused. "I really hate good-byes."
I nodded again, slightly nervous about the whole stealing The Statue.
Note to Self: Again, completely necessary.
Dr. Clark smiled sweetly at my nod and asked the dreaded question. "How's Matt?"
I flinched and my gaze finally dropped from The Statue.
"That bad huh?" She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. I smiled lightly before making eye contact with her, making her shake her head.
And with the fact that there had been no improvement in the Matt, the session continued with various things. How Mom and Matt's relationship made me feel, the moving to Chicago and art school. Al up until the bell rang and we were forced to stand for the last time.
Dr. Clark smiled sadly. "I have faith in you Luke, you're going to be fine."
Note to Self: I'm so glad she was so confident.
I nodded at her, "Thank you Dr. Clark. For everything." I smiled at her before shaking her hand professionally and turning to walk out of the office.
"Oh Luke!" Dr. Clark called, causing me to turn and barely have time to catch the object flying at my face. "I saw you eyeing it. Consider it a good luck gift." She winked at me before flopping in her chair and wheeling around.
I left to office before looking at the heavy thing in my hands.
Note to Self: I had The Statue in my possession.
Matt's Session
Winston was late. He's never been late.
I looked at the clock on his desk again. Twenty fucking minutes. Our last forty-minute session, half gone. I think he did this on purpose.
"So, Matthew, I don't think I have to tell you what session this is." Fuck! What is it with this guy and pissing me off, then scaring the living shit out of me?!
I rolled my eyes mentally. "Yes, I fucking know what session it is." Winston just fucking grinned at me. "And, I know that you're twenty fucking minutes late."
"Then, I don't suppose I have to remind you of the move to Chicago in three days? And dear Matthew, I didn't suspect you would mind the added time to think." He asked it professionally, but, I knew this shrink by now. He was mocking me. Bastard.
I flinched hard. "No, I could've gone without that reminder thanks." I rolled my eyes and stared at the wall that had all of his qualifications on the wall. No, I didn't want the 'added time to think' thank-you-very-fucking-much.
I heard him sigh deeply, "Matthew, as you know, it's not my code to tell my patients how to live their life" -he chose to ignore my rather loud snort- "but, I feel it necessary. You must do something." He sounded exasperated.
"I must do nothing." I spat the 'must', you know, like those bitch preps in stupid high-school B movies? Yeah, totally me.
My shrink breathed deeply. "Matt, say he leaves and you don't say a word. Twenty years from now, say, at your younger brother's wedding, you see him. He's there, with someone else, happy, and you can't stop thinking about how that could be you. Do you really want to be that person?" I opened my mouth. "Or you could say something now. Tell him that you love him and want him to stay, and that way, even if he leaves, you never have to think about what could have been. You'll know." His voice echoed through the small office.
I was slightly shell-shocked. "Winston…" I was speechless. He'd never spoken to me with such a meaningful tone. Or said something quite as intelligent.
"But, that's just the opinion of an old man a few colleges said had talent for being a good listener." I'd never see him so relaxed. Well, as relaxed as a man in a fitted suit with a gray comb-over can be.
I sighed deeply, thinking over his words and carefully planning my response. "It's just…I…can't." I shrugged. "I mean these stupid things are the most I've spoken in weeks. I don't talk to him, sleep with him, hell I don't even look at him." I leaned foreword, burying my face in my hands.
"It's up to you Matthew, it's your life. If you wish to be miserable and ignorant, that is your choice." Winston sighed and wrote something on his paper. "I'm glad that we had our time together Matthew, I think we both learned quite a bit." The old man stood, looking at the clock. "Well Matthew…it looks like our time has drawn to a close."
I stood too, shocked that twenty-minutes had gone by so fast. Fuck, shocked that six months had come a gone. It seemed like just a few weeks, but at the same time it felt like a fucking life time.
Winston smiled at me and held out him hand, I took it shocked. "I wish you great happiness and wisdom in all your decisions and years. It's been a great pleasure Matthew." He nodded, I nodded, and then the buzzer when off for the last time. "Goodbye."
I released my hand and stepped back. "Bye Winston." I mumbled, turning and walking quickly out of the door.
Matt
I wasn't that heart broken that this was the last time I had to talk to that old coot, but the words he said were still ringing around my head.
Seeing Luke sit there, cradling some small figurine with the utmost loving expression on his face with the afternoon sun shining brilliantly behind him was all it took; the way the light looked hitting his golden hair reminding me of the first time I knew I wanted him, all those years ago. And, I realized, I finally realized, I never, ever, wanted to let him go.
I cleared my throat, jerking him out of his moment. "Time to go Luke." I smiled slightly at his 'what's going on' expression before he stashed what he was holding in his bag and stood, facing me. He looked like a fucking angel.
I blinked away the image and turned quickly out of the door and to the car. I wasn't going to crack. I'd already decided.
Then the sound of Winston's voice rang through my head, the thought of Mark or John's wedding, and Luke there with some other guy and I knew I had to do something.
I'd moved to auto-pilot, driving down the high-way without really being there, the loud rap I had blearing through my speakers vibrating through the car.
I felt myself pull the car to the side of the road, the brakes squealing against the asphalt as I slowed from almost ninety to a dead stop.
"Matt!" Luke screamed out, clutching the car door.
"Don't go." It was quiet, it was cruel, but it was honest and it was all the pain of the last weeks, sessions, school days…every hour spent alone in my bed. It all wrapped around those two simple little words. I didn't turn; I didn't have to too be able to see the confusion on his pretty little face.
I felt Luke's blank stare against my face as I sat staring out of the windshield. "Don't go." I repeat, hoping that he would respond this time.
"Matt…why should I stay…?" Luke's quiet voice seemed to echo. "What's here for me here?"
"Everything." Me.
Suddenly the words were there for me, after five years, nearly six now. Luke, I love you so much. You mean everything to me, without you the earth would fail to spin, all the food in the world would taste like ash. You keep my heart beating. Please, I beg you not to go. You can't, I'll break in two. I know it's selfish, but I can't care right now. I can't live without you. You're perfect, you're sweet, and you're my step-brother but I love you. Please stay.
"Just, please, don't go. Your family is here…and there are plenty of art courses at local schools." Was all I could say, hoping all of my love and thoughts came out through my voice.
Luke
I felt my heart stop. Matt was asking me to stay, but, why?
Just, tell me that you love me Matt. I'll be putty in your hands, I'll run away with you, we'll buy a little house and live happily ever after. Just tell me you love me.
Note to Self: Darn the sub-conscience of mine.
Matt
Luke's voice was nearly silent. "Why Matt?"
And, then I froze. Realization struck me like lightning. That last line. You may be my step-brother
I couldn't do it. We'd never be accepted, and I can't wish that on Luke. The dirty looks, the confusion of our siblings. I loved Luke to much.
I cut the engine and finally looked into his confused eyes. I sent him the best smile I could and leaned over, kissing those sweet, sweet lips one last time.
I backed up only an inch or two. "Nothing Luke. I wish you only happiness." I sent another smile and leaned back into my seat.
I felt my heart starting to crack as I started the engine. But, I couldn't tell Luke how I felt. That would run the chance of him staying. And, I couldn't do that to him.
He'd find someone later, a nice guy to settle down with, maybe raise a couple of kids and have a nice picket fence. A golden retriever. And then, they'd live deep into their eighties and spend their time holding hands on the front porch while watching the grand-children play in the yard.
I couldn't give them these things. Not like he deserved.
So, I'd watch him leave with a smile and a good luck while my heart was breaking. We'd both be happier…because…I never, ever wanted to let him go, but, I'd never, ever, no matter how I tried, be what he needed.
I ignored the tears in my eyes the entire ride home.
A/N: Well...next is the Epilogue...but...that's basically it. My beta is slightly pissed. But that's the sence that produced the baby seeds of the story. It had to be in there. I love you guys.
I'm going to try to get the Epilogue out as soon as possible, and the next chapter of Slim Pickings...which hasn't even been started.
Other than that, I have to tell you that I love you guys. You all make writing all the more sweet and I love each and every reviewer and reader to death. Thank you for the support through-out the past (rather rocky) 18? Chapters and I look foreward to seeing you again in the Epilogue. Thanks guys.