2Authors Note: I figured a little back story was needed for this one. If you've ever looked at my main page, you may have seen a story with a similar title, "From the writings of Ebony Skies". This is actually somewhat of a prequil so to speak. Gabriella and Ebony are the same person. She was named Gabriella and for the first 18 years of her life, answered to her given name, but eventually she changed her name to Ebony.
I might get around to putting the diarys in order and posting the whole story, but for now I'll post some of my favorite entries as I type them. Enjoy.
I have a bad habit of walking the hallways at night when I can't sleep. Consequently, that is most of the time. I can't seem to help it. Since they moved Lucian out of my room, I get too lonely to sleep. I'm so used to hearing someone else breathing while I'm drifting off that the silence keeps me awake.
As per usual, I was strolling through the shadows thinking about life in general and silently rehearsing the new lyrics of the day when I saw her. She had a hood pulled over her face but I would know her regardless if she were wearing clean lace or men's rags. The woman was my mother after all. I had watched her every graceful move since I can remember. I loved how her dark hair hung over her shoulders in beautiful cascades. I loved how the corners of her mouth tilted upward ever so slightly when she was proud of my brother. I even loved how her eyes would flash from blue to green when she was angry. I wanted so much to be loved in return.
I guess we can never get the things we want most….
She wasn't good at sneaking through the shadows. Her skirt hem swished against the marble floors and her feet made a soft pad, pad, pad as she walked. I suppose she was too vain to wear pants or leggings, and she despised bare feet. She didn't even bother hugging the walls like I did. Tis a wonder she had gotten so far without alerting a guard.
The moonlight shone through the high windows, illuminating her way and speeding her escape. I don't know why, but I wanted to at least slow her down. I probably should have just watched her walk out of my life without a word, but I didn't want to give her that satisfaction. I'm a horrible child.
I was quieter and faster than she was so I easily slipped through the deep shadows beneath the very windows that allowed her to see and beat her to the door. I'm about a foot shorter than she is but I still startled her when I stepped into the moon light, wings folded neatly against my back.
"Hello, Mother," I murmured softly, as pleasantly as I could manage really. My heart was pounding in my ears and I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say, but one thing I had learned from most of the men in my family was to never back down.
"Get out of my way," she ordered as though she were talking to one of the servants. She never did see me as much beyond that. After fifteen years of being treated as such, you'd think I'd be used to her tone, but it stung as sharply as it had when I was small.
"Tis a bit late for a stroll, isn't it?" I asked as I leaned against the door instead of moving out of her path. Even in the moonlight I could see her eyes flashing. A few years before I would have been fascinated then frightened by the intensity, but now I stood calmly wishing my eyes would do the same.
"You know what I'm doing," she nearly growled as she narrowed her eyes. "Now move."
"Does Lucian know you're leaving?" I asked dropping the façade. I knew she loved my brother as much as he worshiped the ground she walked upon. It was a low blow but I'm spiteful sometimes. Tis a flaw I suppose.
"Yes," she whispered. "I told him good bye and explained why I was leaving." Her fingers were toying with the sleeves of her gown. It was odd to see her so nervous. Mother was always so regal, even when she cried or shouted.
"Did you tell him how you could never love my father?" I responded. "Did you say how you could never give anyone a chance? Did you tell him you're too cold hearted to see how hard Papa tries to make you happy?"
"I did," she said. I should have known she was going to repay my harsh words, but I'm young yet I guess. At least I learned my lesson that night. "I told him that I hated that man you call father. Gabriel is a monster. I could never love him when I am in love with another who is more than anyone could ever hope to become. I even told Lucian how he was better than you. You are just like your father. You are a worthless girl," she spat.
That word… "Worthless." How can one word hurt more than the venomous words that preceded it or any that would follow? I think that my heart broke then. Until she uttered that word one, small, innocent part of my soul believed that she would love me someday. That little part believed that if I tried hard enough, if I excelled at something, if I could do something, anything to impress her, she would love me. But no… I was worthless to her. I know that I always will be.
I sighed softly and stepped out of her way, but as she smiled smugly and reached for the door I slammed my palm against the frame to hold it closed. She was beside me and I glared up at her. Maybe my eyes do flash like hers, because she looked scared… no, she was terrified of me for that one moment.
"I am worthless," I agreed in a harsh whisper. My breathing was heavy and my throat stung, but my eyes were dry. "I am as worthless as you say but your blood flows in my veins. Your breath moves in and out of my lungs in smooth currents. You screamed as I came into the world and a few moments later screamed again as my brother joined me. I may be a worthless girl, but I am your worthless girl."
I let go of the door and walked away then. I didn't stop to look back as the door opened and cold air rushed in as she rushed out.