3So sorry for the long overdue update. Thanks so much for your reviews:)
Love Hurts & Karma Sucks
Later that night I was randomly surfing through the channels when Disney's "Hannah Montana" came on. Ok, so maybe I looked at the clock, squealed, and turned to it so that I wouldn't miss a minute of my new guilty pleasure.
Yes folks, at my bright and mature post college age, I have gotten hooked on kiddie shows.
So I sat there, the volume turned down low enough so that Terrie couldn't hear my new source of lameness, when Billy Ray Cyrus popped up onto the screen.
Poor Billy Ray. He has no clue what his song "Achy Breaky Heart" did to my mental psyche.
Have you ever been able to pinpoint one moment in time, and realize that right then and there, you have doomed yourself for all eternity?
In horror movies, it's always when the idiot goes down to the basement, up the stairs, or anything else that doesn't involve just booking it the hell out of there.
Or in tragic dramas, the two main characters find their love, say they'll be together forever, nothing can tear them apart. Enter: Iceberg, aliens, freaky natural disasters, an ex, or just your average sociopath determined to keep those lovebirds apart at all costs.
This is called "Oh you have just screwed yourself up something awful."
Or better yet "Haha, Dumbass."
I have now realized that at the tender age of 7, I doomed myself from the start.
It all started with that simple country song. Granted, I lived in West Virginia. If you didn't like Country music, you were a yankee.
When I was in the second grade, if you didn't know every country song out there, you were just lame.
You had to sit with those other weirdos that didn't wear dayglo clothes and slap bracelets.
Well needless to say, I tried to be a sheep. Blending in with everyone else was good, being a trouble maker or worse, a weirdo, was bad.
So imagine the look on my elementary school's principal when I got dragged into her office with a small, extremely embarrassed brown haired little boy.
"Alright kids, what's going on? Why did you two disrupt Mrs. Schramy's class?" The scary principal, Mrs. McMan asked.
I might have been the second shortest kid in the class, but I had balls even back then.
"HE started it. He wouldn't quit picking on me."
Mrs. McMan glared at little Alex Gold. "Is this true? Why were you picking on her?"
Alex just stared at the floor, tears streaming down his face. "I..sniff..wasn't…sniff…picking..gulp..on..hhher."
"Yes he was! He wouldn't stop singing to me!" I cried. Frustrated beyond belief that I, the girl that always got "Good Samaritan" on her report card was in the principal's office.
Mrs. McMan raised one of her bushy gray eyebrows and asked "Singing?"
Alex stared at his shoes even harder.
"He wouldn't stop it Mrs. McMan! He's been teasing me for weeks. He kept on turning around in his chair and singing that STUPID song!" I was close to tears myself, starting to wonder how we were going to be punished.
"And what song is it, Jaime?" She asked, still glaring at both of us.
"Achy Breaky Heart" Alex muttered, before glancing over towards me.
I glared at him.
"Right. So Mr. Gold, exactly why have you been singing to Miss Janison?"
Alex suddenly blushed and started staring at his feet again. "BecauseIlikeher."
"What was that?" Mrs. McMan asked, a slight twinkle in the old bat's eye.
Alex looked up at her, and then over at me. "Because I LIKE her!"
"Oh ok. So how did you two end up in the floor, causing a complete disruption of class time?"
I stared at Alex, completely shocked. "Well he wouldn't stop. So, I, um, pushed him down. And um…" I said, starting to feel ashamed for my violent act.
"And?"
"And she hit me." Alex said, suddenly grinning at me.
"Well he tried to kiss me!" I screamed, annoyed that he was blooming so cheerful.
Mrs. McMan suddenly stood up and walked over towards her door.
"Alright Jaime, I think it's time for you to go back to class."
I looked up at her, and then over to Alex who was blushing horribly.
"Um, ok." I merely said, before I turned around and flew back to class.
I never did find out what she said to Alex.
The next day. Mrs. Screamy, er I mean Schramy, announced to the class that Alex had moved. Maybe he couldn't come back to class. Maybe his parents decided public schools were too violent.
All I know is that the first boy to ever declare his feelings for me, I beat him up, in front of our whole class. And then dragged in the principal who forced him to endure public humiliation at the age of only 7.
It wasn't till many years later that I realized that I had doomed my love-life for all eternity.
Karma sucks.