9Warning: This is not a piece of world famous literature, nor has it been written with extreme thought and feeling. Rather, because of my terrible inability to stick with one project (cough Stranded cough) for more then two months, it was born out of an intense case of Writers Block, purely for the amusement of a friend. Said friend has now urged me to post, which I am doing, though rather reluctantly. If anyone actually understands this completely random mindless babbling I have managed to squish into numerous short chapters, or the stamina to actually read the whole darn thing;
I salute you.
You have been warned. -o.o-
Chapter One
'Klingon!' I said, slapping my forehead exasperatedly.
'What?' Kyle asked confused.
'The species of my grandma.' I said. ' You asked me before, remember?' I wiggled my eyebrows disturbingly.
'O.K.' Kyle said, looking weirded out. Yes! Mission Scare-The-Pants-off-Kyle almost complete!
'So,' I said leering at him suggestively, ' what do you do at night?'
'Um…sleep?'
' Is that was they told you to say?' I demanded. 'Because I'm not buying it. The stalker I hired says your selling Twix bars to underage children'
'Huh?' Kyle asked, a little fearfully now. I cackled internally.
I leaned forward, until we were eye to eye and made my voice gravely and Gollum like.
' Your…mom….eats….trees.'
I definitely saw him twitch after that one.
'You know what, I think I'll just get myself a coke.' He said hastily, nearly tripping over the coffee table in his rush to get out of the room.
I high-fived myself jubilantly, ( which looks kind of retarded but who cares?) intoxicated by my immediate success.
'Mission Scare-The-Pants-off-Kyle completed! Now, for the final challenge: Creep Out Luke!'
I dashed into the kitchen, cleverly concealing myself in the broom closet as Kyle walked
( actually scurried) in the opposite direction. He was probably going to hyperventilate in the bathroom. Ha-ha. Insert evil chuckle here.
Luke was sitting off in the corner of the den, channel surfing. He seemed unaware of the people chattering around him. I decided to make this one quick. I had to meet Ellie at the Mall in an hour, and didn't intend to spend all night watching people gorge themselves on alcohol and cheap candy. What I needed was a real mind-boggler, something to push him over the edge, freak him out real quick, so I could leave.
I sifted through the garbage bin that was my mind, and selected a real eye-popper.
Giggling silently, I glided toward him, whilst managing to evade several beer bottles thrust forcefully in my face with slurred 'Want some's?' trailing behind them.
' Hey Luke!' I gushed, jumping in front of him while waving my arms manically.
'I just remembered who you remind me of!' I leaned forward, winking.
'Who?' He asked, somewhat taken aback at my sudden appearance and strange voice.
' My half cousin Frodo in Tahiti who employs Lima Beans for a living!' I answered giddily.
His eyes widened, and I saw a disturbing sparkle, as he immediately caught on.
'Really? And here I was thinking I bore more of a resemblance to your Banana-obsessed Uncle Plinky in Tokyo.' He said, not missing a beat.
' You know Plinky?' I asked, distracted. Now way! He was like my favourite uncle of all time! Until he sold his banana-farm and a joined a belly-dancing tribe for Uruguay that is. A pity really.
Luke placed a hand dramatically over his heart. ' Without a doubt. He was a good man, that one.' I was about to say Uncle Plinky wasn't dead (yet), when I noticed Luke was grinning. Grinning. No! No! No! He was suppose to be scared. Intimidated. Frightened at the apparent loss of my sanity. Not grinning!
Hmm. I stroked my chin absentmindedly. He was good. To good. I'd have to throw him a curve ball, get him off my scent. I couldn't leave the party without scaring the living daylights out of him. It was part of my deal with Ellie. Freak out both of her annoying admirers by implying that her best friend ( a.k.a. moi ) was mentally unstable. Honestly, what guy would date a girl with a lunatic best friend? No one that I know of. I decided to use my favourite word on him, the one that usually made people stare when I shrieked it at school assemblies.
' Yazoo.' I said ominously. Let's see him handle that one! HA.
Luke blinked, then slowly aimed the remote control toward me, his face rigid.
' I'm sorry, but the Master said all species must be destroyed as of now. Any last words Yazoo?'
' Penguins!' I hurled at him.
'Yes, the Penguins are already gone. They've been shipped to Tibet for further testing.'
' Peanuts?' I tried.
' Peanuts are not an available at the moment. Yoda's been diagnosed with a peanut allergy.'
' Donut?' I said desperately. Why wasn't he getting scared at my random use of words?!
'Sorry, you're not qualified enough to get the luxury of a donut before death.'
Damn. Why was he so good at this?! Hmm, those spies did a better job then I thought. Must remember to pay them in toothpicks.
' What have you done with Luke?' I demanded the robot sitting in front of me.
' Alien- body-possessing doesn't start till Monday.' I gave him a death glare.
I was surprised by Luke's face suddenly cracking into a smile and him bursting into laughter.
'I had no idea how seriously you took this.' He said between fits of laughter.
Darn him. How was I suppose to know he was a fellow maniac at heart?
This was going to be harder than I thought.