1So that was it, my mother had found my stash of razor blades. I was a cutter. Past tense, I was a cutter. I kept the stash around as a comfort thing. I knew that they would be there if I really needed them, but because they were there I knew I wouldn't. It's like when you are still clinging onto a tissue, keeping it balled up in your fist, even though you've stopped crying an hour ago. I just needed those blades. They made me safe.
I've been through some serious shit. I grew up in a neighborhood full of gangs, and drug dealing, it was the wrong side of the tracks. I lived in the same house all my life, fourth generation there, and I was proud. I was a Cardinal, just like I always wanted to be, and I had fallen into the popular crowd. Life had its ups and its downs. I don't know where I am now. I wouldn't know if I was up on top of a mountain or down in the valley. If I'm up on a peak I must be surrounded by clouds, heavenly or not, but either way it doesn't matter, because either way I can't see that far in front of me. I just know that I'm finally on some solid ground.
We moved to a growing city, Lake Havasu City, all the way out in sunny Arizona, just in the last few months. I had gotten past the first awkward stage of making friends, and now I was ready to start over fresh. I wouldn't do anything behind my parents backs anymore, I would come clean, I would be the perfect girl that so many thought I always was. At least this is what I thought.
"So do you want to dance or not?" I asked, thoroughly frustrated with this whole situation.
"Well yes, but…" I cut her off.
"And do you see anyone running up to ask you currently?" Ouch, that was a little harsh, I backtracked, "Because guys are always too wimpy to go out and get what they want. They don't think well, they aren't smart like us, so we have to do their thinking for them," I rushed out in a blur, hoping that this new tactic was working. Her hazel eyes were soaking up what I was saying, slowly processing this information. Good. "So, they don't have the guts to go ask the one girl to dance that they really want to dance with. They might not even know that they only want that one girl and no one else. They are slow in the head, they still need to figure their feelings out, and we all know how they are with feelings..." I trailed off, Kaitelyn's heart shaped face displayed a happy, albeit confused, expression.
She picked it up quickly though, "Yeah," nervous laugh, "they really don't handle feelings well."
"Exactly!" I went on without missing a beat, "which is why you need to help him out, go ask him to dance. Put his mind onto the right track, this is charity work we're talking about here!"
" But, what if he doesn't like me." Oh, no, the uncertainty was starting to come back, I quickly resumed my pep talk; next on the list, boosting her self esteem.
"Who could not like you. I doubt there is a single man in this world that could resist you. Look at those honey locks of yours, what man doesn't want to run his hands through them. What guy can resist that hair after all the time you put into it. Plus, you are a knockout in that dress, one, two three, and it's over with." She was responding well to this, time to give her a final push, "All you do is saunter over there in those amazing heels of yours, that make your legs look great, give the guy a smile, showing off those pearly whites, and then just ask five words, 'do. you. want. to. dance," and then he'll say yes, with a smile of pure gratitude, leading you onto the dance floor to have the time of your lives." With that I gave her a push forward to the male side of the room (pathetically we sit on separate sides of the room) and watched her walk her way, slightly uncertainly, over to a good looking guy dressed in a sharp suit.
She slowly gained confidence as she neared him, and it seemed as if the room grew quite, a girl was going to ask a guy to dance. They had seen me ask guys before, and they had gotten used to that, but I was the strange girl from LA, this was one of their own. She was about five yards away. I was so proud, and then it happened. She slipped on an unseen puddle of water and fell flat or her face. The guy laughed, and soon the whole room laughed.
"Fuck!" I cursed to myself, golden boy gave me a glare, and I knew I'd hear it later. Right now I had to focus on Kaitelyn; she had the deer in the headlights look, and seemed to be on the verge of tears. This was not good, not good at all. She suddenly snapped back to her senses, what little she had left after such an ordeal, and bolted. I stood for a moment, fighting an inner battle. Should I punch the jerk or comfort Kait? I ran after Kait, it wasn't hard to find her. She was hiding in the women's restroom, how cliché.
I didn't know what to say. I just gave her a hug, she cried against my shoulder, and I just held her and let her cry. We stood there for a while, I rubbed her back, the thing that always calms me down, and slowly I felt her tears stop. Gently grasping her shoulders I held her away from me at arms length and gave her a once over. She was a mess. "We are going to fix you up so they will never know they hurt you, then we are going to get him back." I stated softly. Her kind nature was about to object to any kind of revenge so I added, "he needs it, so he can't keep hurting people." She seemed to accept this, or at least she was too exhausted to argue.
We spent 10 minutes in the bathroom; I luckily had my purse with me and therefore could use the magic of makeup. She looked like she was stable enough so we took one last look in the mirror, before I gave her shoulder a squeeze, "you look good," I assured her. Then we were off.
When we walked back into the room a small silence fell. Noticing Kait looked as if she were the mouse under the lion's paw I put on a grin. "Wow, you're so stunning that they are actually speechless," I joked. I got lucky; she shot me a look and snorted. Good, she was back, at least partially, to her old self. Everyone now seemed less interested now that they thought the drama was over. It's funny how a bunch of good hearted Christian kids could be socially blood thirsty. They were wrong however about it being over however, they wouldn't leave disappointed, it was only just beginning. You don't screw with my friends and get away with it.