Batman vs. the Crowd

Oftentimes I run across individuals, and for the sake of conversation, ask them whom their favorite superhero is. Answers are typically Batman, Superman, or Spiderman.

These heroes are all very similar: men in tight clothing who fight crime and evil. The Bat and Superman were created around the same time and are more classical, while Spidey is a more revolutionary hero, created about thirty years later.

Yet they are extremely different. I see Spiderman as a decent character, Batman as an excellent character, and Superman as an under-class character. Why, you ask? Many reasons, but the most important reason is Batman needed no toxic explosion or radioactive arachnids, no being shot across the galaxy to save another race. He is a typical billionaire, who happens to secretly be Batman. Superman is just too strong. Any decent writer knows that having a character with scarcely a weakness is terrible. If Batman or Spiderman is shot point blank in the head (or eyeball), it is game over. Kaputso. However, for Super Clichéd man over there, the bullet flattens out like a banana.

Spiderman is more of a moderator. While he has superpowers, they are not overdone and he doesn't have sixteen thousand of them. His enemies are often more powerful than he, and for this I am grateful.

But I am gonna beat the snot out of alien boy some more. Superman is indestructible, but still is equal to Batman. He did not acquire his powers, they were given to him by some nerd who felt the need to make an overdone hero. Batman worked for years and years, about seven total, to turn himself into the Dark Knight, the World's Greatest Detective, the Caped Crusader.

Another annoying thing is how much more effort Batman puts into his disguise. Toss on the bullet-proof vest, the cowl, the dark cape, the body suit, and you have the Bat. Superman just flips his -ing hair different! How he has managed to keep a low profile is far beyond me. Pathetic. Not to mention their motives. Superman fights crime for the fun of it. Batman has a real reason. His parents were shot dead before his eight-year-old eyes. That's motivation!

Superman lacks a secret lair, the best he can do is a telephone box. What's he gonna do these days, jump inside a cell phone? Bet it has been added to his twenty page long list of powers…

In conclusion, I would like to say this. Superman just isn't good enough. Batman is a great character who needs no powers, yet stands at the top of the Justice League. Lets face it, Superman could fight like a girl and still win, because he just got his powers and didn't need to work at it.

If you want to be a superhero, and you do not have a toxic waste dump with your name on it, then your only choice is to become just like the Bat. Unless you can get mommy to shot your butt off to some distant planet where you can bend steel with your bare hands. Right, Clark?