Conflicted:

A Story of an Id, a Superego and a Cerebrum and the Morning They Skipped Class

By Kelly Schosek

Warning: contains Bad Words! Do not read if Bad Words scare you or make you sad or angry.

Starbucks ™, Folgers ™, and Grape Nuts™ are all registered trademarks and are not endorsed by the author, nor are any claims made regarding their quality products.

The songs "Doo Wah Ditty" and "Wild Horses" are copyrighted by some people who are not me.

Other than that, this piece of fiction is MY illegitimate ugly child.

The story is being posted here as a "test" – please offer constructive criticism whenever possible.

I dedicate this my first piece of ORIGINAL fiction in ages to Mr. Griffin, my high school English teacher. Sorry I forgot about St. Patrick's Day… it won't happen again.

So what are we doing? Getting out of bed, or what?

Yeah, yeah, we're getting out of bed.

NO! WE ARE NOT! I'm staying right here.

…Hmm? Oh. Yeah, let's stay in bed.

No, we can't. Come on, count of three…

One..

Two…

Three.

There we go. Swing the legs over the side.

We can do this. Alright, okay, fine. We'll stop and take a little break.

Break's up! Put the hands down and climb down the ladder… good… feet on the floor. Whoops, watch it, you left a plate there with a knife on it. Smart move, there.

Oh who cares? I like being lazy. I'm hungry. Did we get any e-mail?

Screw it, let's go back to bed.

First things first, we need to make sure we're on time to class today.

Let's skip it!
No.

Yeah, come on! Let's skip it!

Well… no! Stop tempting me. We can't…

How about going late?

Yeah, we could go late.

Maybe we could… no! No, no, and no. We've done that twice this week already. We've been bad.

Not our fault! Bloody PEOPLE making noise and keeping us awake…

…kill them…

Whoa! Who was that? Calm down, jeez. They're just havin' fun. Our fault we're light sleepers. Country girls and all that. Sometimes you scare me..

Aw, I'm just messin'.

Good.

So.. can we check our email and have breakfast?

Let's get breakfast first.

Ice cream?

Try again… grape nuts and soy milk, a banana, and some coffee.

COFFEE! Coffee coffee coffee… oh, no not those folger's singles again..

Hey, you're the one who didn't want to buy a commuter mug, and I'm not going on the bus with those styrofoam ones, they spill and they're bad for the environment anyway.

Yeah, I know, but I don't care! Screw the whales! I want decent coffee!
First of all, whales are beautiful. Second, the dining hall coffee is just as bad as the folger's in case you've forgotten.

No, Starbuck's. They use recycled paper cups!

We can't afford it. And they're evil, I think…

Starbucks, Starbuck's, Starbuck's! Plleeeease?

…fine. Starbucks. I'll just get a second JOB…

No you won't have to. Use the credit card.

At STARBUCK'S? It's bad enough that I-

Yeah! Why not?

Shut up. I'll stop at the ATM.

I want a donut. Grape nuts suck.

Grape nuts are good, just not as gooey as donuts, and you know it. You're the one who wanted to buy them. Let's check our e-mail now.

Letter from Sarah!

Ooh look! Review! Hit that one first.

Oh, fine. Yes. You happy now? Some middle school student you've never met thinks you write well. What an amazing achievement.

… WE RULE BABY! People like us! Yeah baby!

Please. We aren't even real writers. Now the Sarah letter .

Yay, Sarah letter.

Oh shit, we're late. Shower time…

Mm... I wonder about the meaning of that dream we had. Perhaps the presence of palm trees being cut was symbolic of our jealousy over being unable to travel to Florida over spring break. Although I've always been skeptical of Freudian theory, it does seem quite plausible at times…

Good morning. Nice of you to join us.

Yes, the fructose we've ingested has kicked in, and though I'd prefer a little caffeine, I'm here now. What would you like to do?

Well, at the moment we're in the shower. So, washing our hair is the going trend.

Indeed. I've always enjoyed the feel of rich lather between my fingers. One must marvel at the molecular interplay of water and the surfactants found in…

Uh huh.

…well if you consider that surfactants can be found in cherry and coconut, it would seem that you could make them out of almost any vegetable oil… now I can't remember, about emulsifiers and oils… what was that in chemistry class? We need to look th is up when we get out of the shower.

HERE SHE COMES, Just-a WALKING DOWN the street, singin DOOO wah ditty ditty DUM ditty do!

She looked good

She looked fine

Hey, do you think anybody hears us?

I hope they do! We sound good!

Actually, it's difficult for us to appraise our sound quality, as the acoustics of this shower stall enhance the quality of sound to our ears. If we were singing this exact same way outside of the shower, would it sound as good? And one must take into account the fact that we are hearing a sound which is originating from within ourselves, and the sound waves are traveling both through air and bone, which changes the tone and sound quality as well. We-

We're good singers, though.

I'm not arguing that. But we're not necessarily enjoyed by all.

True.

They woke us up! Let's sing louder.

Doo wah ditty…

Nah, I've lost interest.

WIIIILLLLD horses, couldn't drag me away! Wiiiild horses, we will ride them some-

Isn't it time we got out? We're going to be late. And we're wrinkly.

The water's so nice and warm, I don't wanna…. Oh, but Starbuck's! Don't forget!

I know, I know. We do need coffee to perform our best in class.

SNORE. Dr. Riegle bores me to tears.

Too bad. We want to graduate.

Perhaps if we were to find more interest in the material in question…

No, it's boring. It really is. We just have to force ourselves to pay attention.

I hate school.

Me too.

I like school, I just dislike the way in which it is presented…

Yeah, what you said.

Not me! I just hate school.

Come on, let's get dressed.

Coffee… I'm so tired.. it's snowing outside…

Fuck it. Let's skip class.

Sleep is good for us…

Yay!

Oh well..

I suck.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…