Revelation

By: ecmnesiacangel (aka hitomikun)

-May 28, 2007-

You know what?
I just realized something…

I've finally figured out why I almost always find myself sitting all alone in a corner…

I'm isolating myself…

You ought to know that by now, don't you?
It's plaintively obvious…

I'm making things easy for you…THAT'S how desperately I want you to find me…

I've got this delusion stuck in my head that, up until now, lets me go on believing you'd come up to me one day and thank me for patiently waiting for you…

…

I've been unconsciously doing that—casting myself off of a crowd—for years, already…

It's getting to be ridiculous…

And you know what the sad thing about that is?

In all the time that I've waited, not once did I allow myself to entertain the notion and the possibility that you might not come for me at all...or that I might be totally insane…

Sigh…

Me being described as gullible would have to be the understatement of the year…

Now that I REALLY think about it, you've never indicated that you were coming for me…

And me, fool that I am, waited dumbly..

That's all I've been doing all this time…

I don't know with whom I am more disappointed in…

Me for being the idiotic naïve imbecile who, up until now, is still willing to wait…

Or you for not realizing how pathetically I need you and not doing anything about it…

Time will tell, I guess…

So I gather I'm stuck with the option of waiting to see what happens next…

Dang it…