This story is slightly more serious than other stuff that I have written, and it was hard for me to decide to post it. Dont ask why, I guess I'm weird. Anyway please enjoy.
I write sins, not tragedies- Panic! at the disco
I never wanted it to happen. It wasn't meant to happen. I never knew that I could do something like that, I had never been the kind of girl to do the wrong thing, I always thought about the consequences, but for some reason with him all reason went out the window. But in my defence how could I resist, he was what I always wanted. And I couldn't resist him, not his touch and definitely not his kiss. Who ever thought that one kiss could make all the difference. One touch could send your pulse into over drive, could make you want more and never get enough.
It was forbidden it was wrong; I never should have got involved. But when you are going on the moment all thought goes out the window. The only thing you think about is the sensation of the moment. There hands touching your skin, their lips brushing yours, the shivers that are running down your whole body, the tingles that are left from every single touch.
It was never about love or like, it was just an infatuation, you never thought anyone could get hurt. The only thing you were thinking about was the rush, your own superficial needs, and your bodies' urges. This is not the way it should go, feelings are never meant to develop. Your not meant to feel anything but the pleasure principles. Unfortunately, in life what should happen and what actually happens are always two different things. We can't control our own emotions no matter how hard we try. No matter how much we want to, it never goes our way.
I tried to ignore everything my body was telling me. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't. And I made the biggest mistake of my life. As the song says 'there's a fine line between pleasure and pain'. There is also a fine line between wrong and right, and I crossed that line again and again.
The boy was cute, he was so different to me, and so different to any boy I had dated or been with before. He made my head spin any time he walked in the room. He could make my pulse quicken with the slightest touch, no matter if it was just a brush of his fingers. I guess I can say that this had never happened to me before. No guy had ever had that affect on me before. So I didn't know how to act, I didn't know what to do, I let my body decide for me. How did it happen?
I was sitting in the lounge room tapping my fingers on the paper in front of me. Frustration taking over my mood, lost in the world of writing an essay on a topic that meant nothing to me. I heard a knock at the door, groaning I got up. Walking over grumbling under my breath. I opened the door, and saw my sister standing there, with an excited look on her face. Also she had a new hair colour, guessing that this month she was going to be a brunette. She grabbed me excitedly by the arm and pulled me inside, obviously with her grip she was going to leaving a mark on my arm.
"Ok what is the rush, what have you done now?" I paused "No wait, who is he?" I said pulling her hand of my arm, before I had permanent bruises. She just glared at me, and plopped down on to the couch.
"Why is it that you always think that it's about a boy?" I just shook my head and sat down on to the couch. I don't know why she even had to ask.
"That would be because it is always about a boy." I replied dryly, more than wishing I could just get back to my essay. She rolled her eyes at me, and flicked her perfectly straightened hair over her shoulder.
"That is not true, it's not ALWAYS about a boy" I gave her my most cynical look. And tapped my fingers on to my leg, counting to three.
"Ok, now tell me what's his name?" she sighed and sat down next to me, I knew she couldn't keep this in any longer, and it was more than obvious that this had to be about a boy. I had had this conversation to many times to know that it was a boy. She had to brag and tell me every detail; it was in her nature to do so, she was a talker. She loved to tell me, and I dreaded hearing it. But I put up with it, just.
"Ok, ok his name is Brendon, and he is so hot. And oh my god he's in a band" she got all excited, and I could swear her usually perfect complexion was now flushed. She was talking like he was the most exciting thing in the world.
"Oh really in a band huh, what does he do in the band?" I said not really caring, but had to pretend that I did. Haley liked to keep me interested; she got upset if I wasn't.
"Well he's actually the singer, oh and he might play an instrument, I actually didn't ask" I nodded my head writing down on my piece of paper finally.
"Ok, well that's nice" she then grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.
"Oh sis I want you to meet him. I really think that you'll like him," I snorted shaking my head.
"Ok no offence Haley but that is what you say all the time. And well I never do" she just grabbed my arm leaning her head on my shoulder.
"No really you will like him, I'm sure" I just nodded and went back to my writing. I had met all of Haley's boyfriends and I hadn't ever liked any of them. They were all the same. Some guy who was just way to self-assured with a cute butt and a nice smile, But when it came to talk to him I almost every time wanted to run and hide or I fell asleep. So to be excited about her new boyfriend was just something that wouldn't happen. She eventually left the room, and left me to my own devices. Which I was thankful for, I loved my sister but we were just too different.
She still lived at home, even though she was old enough to live by herself. She was twenty-one, and had always been boy crazy, didn't care about schoolwork. While me I did and I was almost finished high school forever. I was writing my last essay of the year, which was why I wasn't caring about my sisters happiness right now. She was also in to short-term relationships, while I liked something more. I had a boyfriend, he was the opposite of the guys my sister liked, and he was the sweetest guy I had ever met. We were also hoping to go to the same college, just so we could stay together. I mean he was way smarter than me, but he was willing to let that go just for me.
I sat there thinking about everything I loved about my boyfriend, Jesse had the sweetest personality and he just had that something that made you swoon. His hair was a dark blonde, and always had that messy look, he had smallish lips but they just looked so adorable. Oh and he had green eyes that just made me feel slightly light headed, as they would light up when he laughed. Everything about him was just what I wanted he was so much like me, we were like kindred spirits or soul mates.
Someone knocking on the door brought me out of my reverie. I got up and sighed, how many people would interrupt me tonight. I walked over to the door, and when I opened it I immediately brightened. Jesse smiled that sweet smile that I always loved.
"Hey you" he said grabbing me into a hug then kissing me, in the most softest way I had ever been kissed. This made me melt and I loved it.
"Hey yourself" I said pulling him inside. He walked in and sat down on the couch grabbing the essay I had been previously working on.
"Doing work I see" he said lifting an eyebrow at my half a page of writing. I shrugged.
"I was trying, but I just lost interest. I don't know how I'm supposed to finish the thing. Teachers are so cruel. I mean really who cares about the impact on the home front from world war one," he just laughed.
"I'm pretty sure someone out there cares, otherwise you wouldn't be writing about it" I just shrugged my shoulders and dropped down beside him on the couch.
"I could help you," he said while putting his arm around me. I smiled he seemed to always help me with my work. Which was one benefit of having a smart boyfriend, however it didn't leave much of my pride left.
"Nah" I replied, "I think I'll do it myself. You know maybe keep some pride" he just laughed again and kissed me on the head.
"All right missy, but don't say I didn't offer" I snuggled up to him, taking in the smell of his clothes. It was nice and comforting, just like everything else about him. He smelt the same every time I saw him, it was reassuring.
"Hey guess what" I said resting my head on his chest.
"What?" he said placing his head on top of mine.
"Haley has a new boyfriend" he laughed and shook his head.
"Already, I really think she needs to slow down. Who is this one?"
"This one just so happens to be in band, I think she said his name was Brendon. She wants me to meet him," I grumbled, making Jesse laugh at me.
"In a band hey. Well maybe he isn't as big an arrogant arse as the others" I just shrugged my shoulders.
"Hopefully, because I cannot go through another one of her teary break ups" Brendon placed his head back down on to my head.
"Understandably, can you even count how many it's been now?"
It was true; I had been through so many of my sister's break-ups, that I practically could write a book on it, I can just see it now 'how to get her over him'. Really she had like a new boyfriend every couple of weeks. Last time it was Mike, he was a builder and such a 'nice' guy. Really he was the biggest arse I had ever met in my life, he believed that the whole world would bow down to him. He had actually tried to order me to do something for him, huh that did not end well. I may be a nice girl but I don't like being told to fetch, I don't take well to guys who are sexist pigs. He was shocked well I told him where he could shove his order and that if he ever tried to tell me what to do again, he would find himself castrated. Lets just say he didn't like that, but he didn't order me to do anything again.
I looked up to see Jesse staring at me, he had a smile on his face and his eyes were glowing. This only ever happened when he was happy.
"What?" I said slightly bemused by his expression.
"Nothing, it's just you look so beautiful when your thinking" I laughed, I always thought I looked like I was frustrated.
"Really, well aren't you just sweet" he smiled and then kissed me. I have to say that I loved his kisses they were sweet and never forceful. He never pushed me for anything, which I was more than grateful for. Unlike the guys my sister went out with he respected me. I moved myself into a better position and kissed him back, making it slightly more heated. He pulled me into him, and I found myself sitting on him. He had one hand caressing my back while the other was holding my head. I had my hands on his chest, feeling his muscles through his shirt, which were very nice. I broke away and smiled at him.
"I really do love you, you know that right," I said leaning my head down on his shoulder. I felt him put his warm arms around me, and hold me tighter. I was comforted by the feel of him.
"Yeah I know, I love you to babe" I smiled it was moments like these that I loved the most. Moments like these when I felt the most content.
I heard the door unlock and got up, looking over to seem my mum walk into the lounge room. When she saw Jesse she smiled so sweetly that I was about to be sick.
"Hey Jesse it's nice to see you over here" he smiled back, and nodded.
"Yeah, it's kind of nice to be here, after all it's such a nice house" my mum smiled like it was her that he had just complimented, I mentally groaned, it was these moments that I hate. Really my mum attempting to flirt with my boyfriend is not the kind of thing I like to see. She hadn't even noticed that I was here, the first thing she saw was Jesse.
"You are always welcome dear, I mean it's nice to have such a handsome man around" Jesse looked slightly uncomfortable.
"You brighten up everything" I was getting kind of frustrated, and feeling more nauseous by the second.
"Ok well me and Jesse are going into my room," I said grabbing on to his hand and pulling him out of there. I rolled my eyes at my mums sigh and quickly pulled him through the door and into my room. Slamming it as soon as I knew he was inside.
"I'm so sorry Jesse, I can't believe her" he just kissed my forehead and sat down on my bed.
"It's ok, I have talked to your mum before I'm used to it" I went over and sat next to him.
"Yeah and my mum is a massive tart, and I hate it. It's like she doesn't realise that you're my boyfriend, and your here to seem me" he then hugged me pulling me close.
"So she didn't come home last night huh" I nodded. Loving how he could read everything about me, with out me having to really tell him. It was nice to be known like that.
"She met some dentist or doctor, got a funny feeling that he might be married. Mum didn't seem to care" I sighed and layed down on my back. " I don't know how I can cope with her sometimes. I feel like I'm the mum, telling her that she shouldn't be going out with him because I didn't approve. It's not fair Jesse" he just smiled at me.
"Yeah I know, but I know you'll deal. And that babe is why I love you" I just smiled back at him and grabbed my pillow hugging it. He layed down next to me and rubbed my back, making little circles. He then stood up and walked across the room. I don't know why I was too wrapped in my own thoughts.
For as long as I can remember, my mum had never been in a stable relationship. It was always just a new guy every couple of days. I really think that that is where my sister got her relationship skills. It drove me crazy to see her go out with these guys who were obviously only looking for sex. I know dad wasn't like that ever, even if he had not contacted us in like two years, he was decent. And I couldn't blame him for not contacting. After all his new family was normal and his wife wasn't a tart, why on earth would he want to come here? Back to the horrid truth of my family, who would want to spend a second longer with my mother then what they had to.
Even when my parents where together I knew that it wouldn't last, Dad was unhappy and I could tell he was only there for Haley and me. When he left I wouldn't speak to mum for like a week, I blamed her for the whole thing. And I had a funny feeling that she had been cheating on Dad. Really I was probably right, she just couldn't help herself. When a guy complimented her, she just turned into a major bimbo. I had seen it happen like a million times.
Because of what I had seen my mum turn out to be like, I was more then worried about Haley. She was so much like mum that I could see her ending up only ever being someone's one night stand. And really I didn't want that to happen to her, I knew she was worth so much more than that. That's why I met her boyfriends, that's why I tried to be nice unless of course I knew they were a complete arse. I wanted nothing but the best for her; this kind of made me feel sometimes like I was the adult. I guess I had always been the mature one, the sensible one, I never got in trouble and I never did anything wrong. It was just the way I was, the nice girl, and the good girl, absolutely reliable.
That's why I was in a relationship; really I was the only one in my family who had lasted longer than two weeks. I was just the relationship kind of person, some people can't handle it, but I preferred it. What is the point in getting into something if it isn't going to go anywhere in the end. Jesse and me had been together for a year, and really we were still perfectly happy and content to stay together. We cared and we had everything we wanted together, we were all we needed. It was nice to have security, which always made me wonder why my mum didn't want security. It was so much nicer knowing that you would always have someone there, knowing that no matter what there would be someone to hold you. As people we constantly need contact we need a relationship, and if your actually with someone you get to have that all the time. So why sleep around when it wont really benefit that desire to connect. That feeling to me was the best in the world there was none quite like it, none that could make me happier. And to have it just made the days seem so much brighter, it was something that you wouldn't give up willingly. Something to hold on to, and to not want it was close to insanity.
I felt Jesse lay down next to me and then I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I snuggled up to him, feeding of his warmth. He kissed my neck so lightly I almost didn't notice. Although I could feel the slight sensation of a tingle from the brush against my skin. I smiled to myself feeling completely content, loving how safe and comfortable Jesse always was. This was what I loved the most in life, my boyfriend, who no matter what was there for me, he was my rock. I felt myself unintentionally drifting of to sleep, but I didn't mind.
"Goodnight" I whispered. I felt Jesse move then he whispered into my ear.
"Good night my beautiful." I smiled then slowly dozed of feeling happy and safe in the arms the only person who understood me.
He would always be the only one that I wanted to be by my side; the only one I could ever truly love with all my heart. When I pictured my future I saw us standing together in the church waiting for the minister to pronounce us man and wife. I saw a future with Jesse, and I knew that he would always treat me right and make me happy. I couldn't see anyone taking his place; he was perfect and always there. After so many people abandoning me and pushing me aside, when someone stays and still loves you through all the mess. You find yourself loving them so much more, and it's a deep love that can't be explained. It's something you just know you feel without looking into it, it's plain to see. He took everything that I had to throw at him, and although he had never really been through what I had. He stood by me and comforted me, and he put up with my mum. Which makes anyone deserve bonus points. Not even I could act so placid in front of her, but he managed making me love him all the more. The way he treated my family, and me the way he always made me feel special ad deserving of the love. Was something that not many people could ever do for me? How could I ever let him go when he loved me like that, when he treated me like that. And I could feel it, that I would deep down always love him unconditionally till the very end. No matter what happened no matter if we separated, when you love someone like I loved Jesse it would stay with you forever. Nothing would change that, and I prayed that god would never let that happen.
I woke up the next morning feeling the warmth of Jesse. I rolled over to see him smiling. I smiled back and put my arm around him bringing him closer to me. Needing to feel his warmth, more than I needed anything else in my life.
"Good morning, you beautiful little creature" he said pulling me into him.
"Good morning to you to handsome" I said. I knew I had to get up soon and was dreading this fact.
"Tell me I don't have to get up and I can stay here forever," I said rolling on to my back.
"Mmmm, you can stay here forever" Jesse replied while giving me a kiss. I smiled at him and went to kiss him back when Haley barged in to the room. I groaned, a fact that she seemed to not notice.
"Morning you two lovebirds" she chirped jumping down next to me on the bed. Her brown hair in a ponytail, was bouncing as she did this. I sighed; but I managed to smile at her.
"Morning most darling sister, who by the way obviously doesn't know what knocking is" she just brushed of my comment with a shrug.
"Guess what" she said getting more excited by the second.
"What" I replied pulling myself up to a sitting position.
"Well I have managed to find a way for you and Brendon to meet today" I groaned, my good day going completely out of the window.
"Wow how absolutely exciting" I said clapping my hands together in mock enthusiasm. My sister just rolled her eyes at me, she was used to my sarcasm, but she still didn't like it.
"Listen Summer, I know you're going to like him. He's not like the rest of them he really is nice. And he really wants to meet you" I smiled up at her as convincingly as possible.
"Ok Haley, I'll meet him." She then grabbed me in to a big hug.
"Oh thank you Summer. I love you, I love you." I was almost suffocating from all the attention and love.
"Yeah, yeah. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there alright" she then smiled and walked out of the room. I looked over at Jesse, and he smiled with an amused looked. I just shoved him.
"Oh isn't this going to be fun!" Jesse just laughed at me so I hit him. " It's not funny Mr, really your not the one who has to meet her new boyfriend," he just laughed again. And kissed me on the forehead, which made me hit him again, although it did in know way stop his laughter.
"Yeah I know, thank god for that" I sighed and then got up, I had to get ready for this oh so lovely day. I trudged over to my cupboard and opened it searching for something suitable to wear to day. Not that I really cared how I looked, but I was not a complete dag. I did like to look nice; I liked to at the least be presentable. I liked to think that I looked decent enough. If not for anyone else at least for me, I won't say I looked stunning or anything like that, because I don't like to talk myself up. But I looked all right and that was fine with me, and exactly how I wanted it.
"I hate doing this every morning," I said out loud, making Jesse crack up laughing again. I turned around and glared at him, making it obvious that nothing I had just said was remotely funny to me. Putting my hands on my hips I turned back to my cupboard ignoring his laughter, that was not subsiding.
"Then it's simple don't" I threw the first thing I could find at his head. Which turned out to be a pillow that my sister had given to me when I was twelve as an apology for forgetting my birthday. I was a great aim so it hit him directly in the head, making me smile at my handy work.
"Easy for you to say, you don't have to look good. If I walked down the street like that, people would talk about me" he laughed again, and stood up walking over to me. And then grabbed me into a hug. I squirmed at fist, but then let myself sink into his hug. He was just so warm and comforting, I could never resist that.
"Let them talk, you know that your beautiful no matter what you wear" I smiled and hugged him tighter. I loved him so much; he always made me feel special. No person could say something like that and make me smile, because noone else's opinion really mattered. Well I did care what they thought, but really if Jesse was happy with what I looked like, I could never ever get any happier. He was all that really mattered to me. But I was still dreading the meeting with my sister's new boyfriend. Really how could I get excited, nothing good would ever come out of one of the little meetings. Nothing good had ever come out of one of them before, and that tradition would more than likely continue. I was sure that the meeting would not go to plan; I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. You can just tell when things will go wrong, and I was having at that moment one of those feelings.
I stepped out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, leaning against the wall I breathed slightly. I knew I could get through whatever meeting my sister would put me through. And I knew deep down that for her I could handle anything, although it would not be that exciting for me.
Right now however, I had to deal with a day of school. It was one of my last, and it mostly consisted of a few exams. But I still considered that as a day of school. Jesse being lucky had basically completed all of his and didn't have to go until the afternoon. I groaned and stepped into the shower, I needed to relax all the stress was just about going to drive me crazy. If I didn't just stop and sort myself out, that was what I needed. Being a massive stress head it was difficult for me to let go and relax, but that was what I really needed to do.
I let the hot water pour over me, it felt good. And if I stayed in the water for long enough I could release all of the bad tension form within my body. I felt this starting to happen and I smiled, I could handle everything. Because my life was not as complicated as it could be. I had a dependable boyfriend, and I was almost done with school and ready to move on to something new. It was all going to work out. I could bet on that, I could expect that. And I was happy about that, everything was in control just the way I liked it.
Ok this is like my baby, so yeah I really hope that all of you out there like it. I wrote this after I fell in love with a song, so yeah please review.