Oh my god, I have updated. and it is getting near the end. which is somewhat depressing, though it is also really good. I really hope you peeps like this chapter lol, I can't believe I just said that. Anyway read read read.


Better that we break- Maroon5

I could see Jesse visibly stiffen, like he knew that what I was about to say couldn't be good. And well he did have good reason for this, but it made it so much harder. It was hard to think, when I could see his face, when I knew that he would be upset, and I couldn't stop him from hurting, because I would been the one to of hurt him.

I sighed, and led him into the next room. Making sure that noone else was around; I took Jesse's hand in mine. The moment to say it was here, and it was now or never. It just hurt so much to get the words out.

"Jesse, I don't know how I can say it. But I really have to tell you something."

"It's not good is it." he said staring at my face, then dropping his head. "Just say it."

"Ok" I said, swallowing the lump that had grown in my throat. "The thing is, Jesse I did something really stupid."

I stood up and walked across the room, building up the courage to say it, to just get the words out in the open.

"I went to that party with my sister, at Brendon's remember." Jesse nodded, and I continued. "Well I got mad at my sister, and I…I… I slept with Brendon." From the look on Jesse's face. He was completely crushed; I knew it was killing him to listen.

"I don't believe it." he finally said. I bit my lip, knowing that I had to go on.

"Jesse there's more." His eyes met mine for a second.

"There's more?" he questioned, and I knew the tears were hiding somewhere, just waiting to escape.

"It didn't stop there. And I know how it sounds, but it wasn't meant to happen, it just got so out of control." I stopped here, as the tears fell from my eyes, in two rapid streams.

"Why?" was all that came from Jesse's mouth, and then he turned his gaze up to mine, and hurt became so much more evident. "Why!" he yelled, and stood up.

"I don't know." I said, taking a step back. "I can't explain it, but I couldn't lie to you anymore."

"Couldn't lie to me, well thank you Summer. Now I feel so much better." I wanted to cry even more, but I just didn't know what to do.

"Jesse, I'm sorry." I stood in front of him, my cheeks stained with tears. Reaching out a hand to put on his shoulder.

"Jesse!" I started, but his voice stopped me.

"Don't Summer… Just don't. I know what you're going to say, but I don't want to hear it. I would have done anything for you; you were all I ever wanted. But there is only so much I can forgive. I don't want to see you ever again. Were over, for good!"

I stopped frozen, and felt myself begin to lose any self-control I already possessed. I needed to get out of there, I knew I had to walk away now, or I wouldn't be able to control myself, but I had to say it. If that was only the last thing I said, it would make it better, for me anyway.

"I really do love you." I said, taking a step away. I almost couldn't leave, but the look Jesse gave me in that moment. Made it all too clear, it was over, I had finally pushed it, and now I could never get back what we had. No matter how much I loved him, it was over.

I knew he wouldn't explode; Jesse just wasn't the type, to get angry and yell, and scream. He was more the type, to give you a look that made you know how he felt. He got angry, because I had seen him angry. But he never got aggressively angry, or loud about it.

But at that moment he didn't need to yell, I knew he was pissed, and hurt, and any other emotion that follows. I hadn't exactly expected it to go well, so maybe I should have been somewhat prepared, for the look of pure disgust, when he looked at me.

The truth was however, I wasn't prepared, and I didn't know how to deal with that. Jesse had never once looked at me like that before. He had never made me feel so small, and so much like dirt, ever. But in that moment, when he gave me that look, I just felt it all. I felt like the worst person in the world. I felt like trash.

I walked out of his house, in a somewhat trance. I knew that it had been what I had to do, what needed to be done. But it hurt so much, to just know, that it was over, and to know it was my entire fault. I single-handedly destroyed, the best relationship a girl could ever be in, and I know that it wasn't worth it.

Getting in my car, the tears came again. Though it was slow, and somewhat silent. But as I drove they got heavier, and I had to pull over to the side of the road. And then I let it go, I cried harder then I had ever cried in my life, the tears just kept flowing. The feelings welling up inside me, and consuming me. And then when they finally left, I felt completely alone.

When I finally grasped some form of composure, I looked into the rear-view mirror, and made a promise to myself.

"Never do anything stupid like this again!" then I put the car into gear, and drove home.

And I knew that I would keep that promise, I knew I wouldn't be stupid enough, to ever destroy a good relationship ever again. It had to be one of the hardest things I had ever faced, and my life had a lot of crap to deal with. Funny to think that the worst, was the one thing that I had self-inflicted, now isn't that irony.

I spent the next week in the confines of my bedroom, only coming out when absolutely necessary. Not only because I was completely depressed about everything that was happening, but also because, I was giving Haley space. It was true that she had handled what I told her extremely well, but I knew that if she constantly had to deal with me, it would not remain that way.

So this meant that I stayed as far away as possible, giving her adequate time to come to some level of forgiveness. That would allow her, to not look at me as if I was the bane of her existence. Even though she didn't look at me like that now, but as I said, if I was there too much, then it would be sooner or later that she would snap.

I hated getting into yelling matches with my sister, and no matter how much we forgave each other. There is always a point in which you wont be able to return, and if that fight occurred now, I know things would never be the same. No matter how hard we tried to get it back.

My mother didn't seem to notice that anything was up, for the main reason. My mother was never home, she was going off somewhere. But she never deemed it worth telling her daughters, so I had no idea what she was up to. She could be planning anything, but as long as she didn't bother me, it didn't matter.

I lay down on my back, and closed my eyes. The day had been excruciatingly boring. Tasha had been over the day before, in which I had to tell her every detail of every little thing that happened. She brought me chocolate, and made me laugh, but that could only last so long. And once she left, I was back to moping.

That was essentially what I was doing right at that moment, I was moping. Wondering why I was so stupid, why I was the kind of person who could do something so utterly horrible. All those people who knew me in high school would practically have a heart attack.

Summer Hastings, good girl extraordinaire, actually doing something wrong. They would probably also see it strange, that Jesse and me were no longer together. It had always just been the two of us, together, always. It really is funny how things change.

Deciding it was just about time to get up, I made my way into the kitchen. I poured myself some coffee, and sat at the counter drinking it slowly. I really didn't know what I was going to do today; my life kind went from drama, drama, drama, to some sense of boredom, topped of with all those depressing emotions.

When I finished my coffee, I was about to get up and leave, when Haley entered the kitchen. Setting my mug inside the sink, I headed out of the kitchen. But Haley's voice stopped me.

"Wait!" she said, and for a moment, I believed I hadn't heard it at all.

I turned to face her, and took in the way her hair seemed to be out of place, and the contemplative look in her eyes.

"Summer, I need to talk to you." I nodded my head and sat back at the counter.

"Ok, lets talk." I said, while Haley sat next to me.

"I told you I needed time, and you have given me that. The thing is, surprisingly, I'm not mad with you." I looked up, somewhat shocked at this statement. "I know I probably should be, But I just can't be mad at you. I want my sister, that's it."

I grabbed Haley in to a hug, and felt relief wash over me. I wasn't expecting this, but our relationship was a little different than a lot of sisterly relationships. And I really was glad of this fact, right at this moment, I couldn't have been happier, that we weren't normal.

I pulled away and gave Haley a smile.

"Are you sure? I mean you don't have to, just forgive me." Haley smiled back.

"I know Sum, but I have thought about it, and things may be different. But I just want to be your sister." I hugged her again.

"You don't know how much this means to me." I said, feeling some of my sadness wear away.

"Yeah well, Brendon is hot. I mean everywhere I went the girls practically drooled all over him." I laughed.

" Some how that doesn't not surprise me." Haley smiled, and ruffled my hair.

"So I'm guessing you told Jesse."

I paused as soon as she mentioned the name. Jesse was one of those things that I knew wasn't going to blow over, and it hurt to think about it. Truth be told, I don't think it will be something I'll ever forget, really how could I?

I turned towards Haley, and let out a sigh.

"I screwed up, and I'm never going to be with him again." Haley smiled.

"Don't worry sweetie, it will get better. Even if he doesn't forgive you."

"I know." I said "It's just I never meant to hurt anyone, especially not Jesse. He's never hurt me in any way, he was just so perfect. I really did love him."

Haley threw her arms around me, and kissed my temple.

"Come now Sum, wipe away those tears. How about we go out, just the two of us." I smiled at Haley and nodded my head.

"That sounds nice." I said standing and wiping away one stray tear. "Thanks Haley." I said.

I really meant it, without what she was doing for me. There was no way I could ever really be happy again. As I have said before, all we really had was each other, and we always forgave each other, because we had to.

As it turned out, Haley's idea of going out was dressing up and then sneaking me into a club. The place didn't look sleazy, which was a massive benefit. And I got in relatively easy, due to the fact that Haley knew the door guy. This fact however didn't really surprise me.

Saying the club thing wasn't my scene, is a complete understatement. But the dancing thing was fun; I mean I had done it before. But this time it really did take my mind of a lot of the crap that was plaguing me. And I really enjoyed myself, even though it seemed like every five seconds, some guy was grabbing my arse.

Not to mention the few who tired to get, a little to close for comfort. Luckily they stayed away, after it was evident, that I in no way would do anything with them.

Haley found the whole thing amusing, and was even keeping a tab going on how many guys came up to me. I really didn't see where her amusement was coming from. Though to put it in light, Haley had knocked back a few drinks, which could of somewhat been reason for it.

The fact that I didn't drink meant that I was on look out for Haley; well that was how she put it before we got there. Apparently I had to make sure she didn't go of with some guy, and things like that. The whole thing did make sense to me; after all she didn't want to cheat on her new boyfriend, because my friends that never ends well.

The first couple of hours passed by well, until at about one o'clock, when some guy decided he wanted to get a little too friendly with Haley. And well I tried to tell him to back off, but he wasn't quite listening. Then as I got Haley away from him and outside, she just passed out. It really was remarkable timing for the girl.

This was the point when I had no idea what to do, I couldn't call mum or dad. That would just be the end of the world, and I didn't really want to. Jesse was no longer my knight; actually he was far from it. Then I thought it, and I know you have probably guessed.

Brendon came quickly, even though I didn't expect him to, he was there in a flash. And it seemed that as soon as I saw him, my entire face lit up, I had never been so happy to see another person before. He saw me and took Haley of my hands, picking her up into his arms.

"Hey." I finally said, realising we hadn't said a word to each other.

"Thank you so much for coming." Brendon smiled at me.

"It's no problem Summer." And I couldn't help but smile back, even though I could feel another part of my brain reminding me of the situation that had taken place.

Pushing all thoughts aside, I waited until Brendon had got us home safely. And when he put Haley down into her bed, and then I tucked her in, did we finally talk.

"I told Jesse." I said Finally, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Huh." Was all that came from Brendon. And when I was finally going to see why that was it, he deemed to speak.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well." He said, studying my face.

"You guess correctly." I said taking a seat on the couch.

"I'm sorry." He said, taking my hand and patting it softly. I smiled.

"It wasn't all your fault, I knew what I was doing. I just didn't think, so I should deal with this." Brendon sighed.

"Yeah, and I should go, in case your sister wakes up. I doubt she would like to see me here." I nodded, in understanding of what he meant.

As Brendon got up to leave, I stayed seated. I wasn't sure how I was meant to really react. But then something hit me.

"Brendon!" I yelled just as he reached the door, he turned toward me with a puzzled look.

"Yeah?" I stood up and walked over to him.

"Just so you know, I really do care about you. And it wasn't just the sex." Brendon laughed and put his palm on my cheek.

"Thanks summer." He said and then he left.

Part of me was still thinking about he fact that I had actually just used the word sex with Brendon. It seems immature, but I guess I just never felt comfortable saying it. Maybe it was my innocence, or maybe I just didn't like to talk about things like that. But I had said it, and I had realised, I confuse myself.

I walked over to Haley's door, just to make sure that she was sleeping all right. And when I looked in the room, I noticed just how peaceful she looked. Though doubted, she would have looked quite that peaceful, if she knew Brendon had been there.

I could only imagine the lecture she would give him. I mean essentially she was still my big sister, and I know she wants to protect me. Though when it came to things like boys, sometimes she went into more of a mother mode. Which was something I loved and hated her for, but I guess she was just doing what our mother should have been doing.

And not to mention the fact that, I was the same in many situations. Especially with her boyfriends, which has been mentioned. I tried to make sure they were good enough, even if she didn't always listen. But that was essentially why I did it. I was her mother, if that makes sense.

It is quite funny, how when you don't have something, you find a substitute. Haley and me, we both made due with what we had. We had each other, and that was all that mattered, and I knew that in ten years time, that wouldn't have changed. No matter what happened, we would be there for each other.

I smiled at that thought, knowing that no matter what we would always forgive each other. It was something we always did. And it was nice to know, I hadn't screwed up our relationship, completely anyway. We weren't the same, yet, but we weren't completely not speaking and all that. And that was something to be grateful for.

So with that thought, I made my way into my bedroom. And collapsed onto the bed, almost immediately falling into the realm of sleep. But tonight I slept peacefully, well better than I had any other night. Things were looking up.

I woke the next morning, feeling a lot better then I had in a while. Which was an extremely welcome feeling. Smiling to myself I lifted myself out of the bed, and then pulled my hair into a ponytail.

I made my way out into the kitchen, finding Haley sitting at the bench. A cup of coffee sitting in front of her. When I walked in, she looked up and gave me a smile.

"Hey Summer, did you sleep well?" I smiled back.

"Yeah I did, but how are you feeling?" She sighed, and shrugged her shoulders.

"I've been worse." Then she turned to me, as if wanting to ask something.

"What's up?" I asked, taking a seat next to her.

"Sum, how did we get home last night? I really don't remember." I sighed.

"It was just a friend of mine." I said, kind of telling her the truth.

"Oh ok." Haley said, then stood and made to leave the kitchen. Then turned and gave me a smile.

"Thanks Summer." She said. And I felt a weird sense of déjà vu.

I sat there for another couple of moments, just thinking. Playing things in my head, and just generally planning. This was until the last person I expected to see, walked into the kitchen.

"Dad!" I yelled, wondering why on earth he was here.

"Hey Summer." He said, way too casually for my liking.

"What are you doing here?" I asked standing up.

"Well, umm… Summer… it's hard to explain." I looked up at him, and I was hoping against god, it was not what I was thinking.

But ten minutes later, found Haley and me in the lounge room, sitting on the couch. Both of us wearing identical stunned faces.

It really was what I was hoping it wasn't. My parents had spent the night together.

Apparently, they had been spending a lot of time together, in the past few weeks. Which was why my mother was never around. And I really didn't know how to react, to this information, but anger was in there somewhere. And I was making a bet with myself, that that feeling would probably win out.

And what do you know, I was right.

"Oh my god!" I yelled. "I don't believe it." My dad went to grab my arm.

"Summer, calm down." I turned on him.

"No, I wont. You left! You told me, you didn't like me! Because of her, you left! You broke our family, left me and Haley behind. And for what? Your back with the whore anyway."

"Summer that's enough." He yelled. "How dare you call your mother-" I cut him off.

"It's the truth isn't it? It's why she hasn't had a steady boyfriend, and why she ignores her children." I took a deep breath. "You know what, I don't want to deal with this." And then I walked out.

I walked out of the house, not quite sure where I was going. But I really needed some time alone with my thoughts. There were things I had to figure out for myself, and I could only thank god, I was going of to Uni soon.

I got into my car, and drove to the park. It was peaceful there, and I could think clearly.

Taking a seat on one of the swings, I let my mind wander off. I knew why it hurt so much, and I knew why I was angry. It just really hurt, kind of like all the pain my sister and me had been put though, was for nothing.

How many times I had cried myself to sleep. And all the times, Haley had been my mother, had taken care of me. It seemed like they didn't even care what they had done, and then they just get back together like that. Making it seem like they put us through that, all for nothing.

And that made me angry. Because I remembered, I couldn't just let that go. The truth was, I had forgiven my father, somewhat, but I had never forgiven my mother. And everything I had said about her was true. In actual fact I despised the woman, I didn't love her, not in the way a daughter should. It was out of duty, not out of any respect, or actual liking, she had lost that a long time ago.

I was so confused; I didn't know what I needed, or what I should do. It seemed like every time things seemed to get better, they just got so much worse. Like when one wound began to heal, another was reopened, and then poked with a stick, just for the sake of it.

It still seemed that the only person I could count on, was Haley. But I didn't know how she was responding to this news. Haley had never been as bitter about the whole thing; she still loved our mother that much I knew. And not to mention, she just didn't hold grudges quite as well. For all I knew, she could be happy.

I sometimes wished I could be like that, be able to let go of the hurt and anger. But no matter what I couldn't. And every little piece I had been putting back together, was now shattered all over the floor. And I had no idea how to pick them up. Confused was an understatement; I was completely and utterly lost.

And so I just sat there, for what seemed like forever. I didn't notice things around me, and I wasn't even really looking at anything. I was just sitting, feeling like a lost little animal.

I didn't want to go home; I didn't know were to go. So I just stayed there, on the swing, letting everything just pass me by.


Ok, so what did you think huh, was it good or bad. I actually enjoyed writing it, it made my week. haha, it took me that long to write, I am just so lazy sometimes. actaully I have some questions. I was wondering who people thought was better, out of Brendon and Jesse?

Also I am wondering what people think is going to happen in the end, the more replies I get to the questions the sooner I will update. haha, thats like blackmail.

Anyway, now I will extend my thanks to:

Cheeky-blossom: I dont know what i would do without you.

tanya2byour21: I know, and how did you like his reaction. It was different to Haley's.

yeah man: will now you know more. thanks for reviewing, I always love feedback.

Ok so that about sums it up, and as always I hope you review, becasue I love this story. it's like my baby, and a greta way for me to pass some time, that I dont have lol.

mwa mwa.