For Jordan Mack, complicated doesn't even cover the definition of her life, She's moved nine hours across the Atlantic to spend her last year of high school with a sibling she's only ever spoken to over the phone, and celebrate holidays with a father and his wife that she doesn't know and never intended to know.

Even though life as she knew it has flown out the window and immigrated to some desolate location, moving to Cadence and attending MG Prep could be the best thing that happened to Jordan because even clouds have a silver lining, you just have to look up.

Remember To Breathe

by .shi


"Everybody's screaming

I try to make a sound but no one hears me."


One of the many things I hate in life. Irrationality such as the notion of happy endings, which I hate for their lack of realism.

Take one second, if you will, to visualise life and notice that it is synonymous with a roller-coaster ride. Take the time to see the highs and the lows that occur and the sudden changes of orientation and direction in which occur the slow moments where you edge higher and higher on an almost vertical track, where with each second your heart beats faster and faster until suddenly, you stop.

Now see yourself stupidly help yourself to looking down at what you've got yourself into, desperately hoping you're dreaming but knowing the panic is too real to be all in your head. Thankfully before the plunge into ultimate chaos, you're given a millisecond to mentally berate yourself whilst simultaneously praying for some kind of divine protection and willing your heart to actually stay in your chest, just as you take that inevitable fall.

As the wise man Newton once said, what goes up, must come down. And that's life. In a nutshell.

Now that's where it ends.

So why is it all these movies and books conclude with a fools ending, where everyone's in love and surrounded by newly restored perfection, when life just isn't like that? Why can't writers depict something that is true to life, where happiness ends sad, abused and broken, where in life, good things don't come to those who wait, the bad guy wins, and some unfortunate soul leaves this world without ever knowing true love.

Don't these people realise that they are the reason so many impressionable and unexpecting heads out there are filled with these nonsensical expectations that they feed us, I'm filled with these expectations of something that never has, and never will be.

At least I was, or don't want to be.

And how can I be? When my whole life has changed, and it's never going to be the same. I am not that begrudged girl who is being sent to the one place she never dreamt she'd be, only to find it's not as bad as it seemed and makes all these wondrous friends who'll promise to be there for lifetime. I won't meet that one guy who'll change my life and open my eyes to this so called happiness, no-one out there is going to liberate my mind from non-existent shackles because I've already enlightened myself.

I'm not a child anymore, I don't have that luxury of being blind to what's around me, because there is no longer anyone telling me to cover my ears just as they put their hands over my eyes. She's gone. And my eyes are wide open.


I listened to the word on my lips, entranced in the way it felt, as only one thought relayed through my mind. I'll never hear her voice again, she'll never say my name again, no one says my name like mom. No one.

I let myself envision her face, her short pixie cut, her large brown eyes so unlike mine, chocolate skin that was soft to the touch, on her lips, graced a smile, the sweetest smile I'd seen and out of those lips always escaped the most melodic voice. Even when she was angry. I smiled at the memory.

I didn't want to think about anything else but all of the good memories of my mother. Like her carrot cake, and delicious macaroni and cheese. Us together in Venice telling people we were sisters, the way she'd always do my hair before I went to bed, how she'd always wait up if I was out at night. That was mom. Not what was left of her. No I wasn't going to allow myself to dwell on the last few painful weeks of her life, I'd never been one who kept in negativity, I'd learned from a young age that it was so much more easier to let anything that hurt you drift away and instead learn from the experience. Nothing's forever, I believed that now more than ever.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I brought myself back to reality, the one without her.

I was sat alone on a private plane to Oakley, Cadence, my only comfort, distorted lyrics from an iPod that I was barely listening to. The only other person on this flight was the pilot, obviously he couldn't offer much entertainment, but it didn't bother me in the slightest that I only had myself for company, we'd probably been flying more than three or four hours, I wasn't really paying attention to the duration of the flight but rather revelling in the solitude that it offered. For now, it was my sanctuary, I could cry without feeling ashamed, turn my music up louder without having to worry about some old bat asking me to turn that noise down, and least of all, I didn't have to deal with strangers disrupting my trail of thoughts with questions of are you o.k.? And is there anything I can do for you?

For two months I had dealt with all these harassing people inviting themselves into my personal space, eating up my personal time and just being plain personal, when I don't even know them like that. Right then, I was just thankful to be away from them all, escaping to a place where no-one knew me and where I could start anew, no baggage. And that's all I wanted. To have a fresh start.

Back home I had a few close friends that I was going to miss dearly, but I couldn't deal with them, more so they couldn't deal with me. For two months I'd dealt with my pain in silence, I'd stayed at home, packing her things away, listening to her old records, barely staying sane. All the while keeping any contact with the outside world down to a minimum, I didn't pick up the phone, refused to meet up with any friends, and ordered take away if and when I remembered to eat. I just didn't want the world to see me then try to understand how I was feeling. I was sad, and alone, but I wasn't broken, I fully intended to pick myself up again, in due time. It took two months.

Conveniently it was September and school was about to start up again, in my case it already had. I'd never been to Oakley before, let alone Cadence but it was where I would be spending my last school year, attending Moore Granton Academy. It was a boarding school that my father had decided to place me at, I'd made no objection to this as I'd rather be there than living with him and his wife. Fact is I didn't know my father, not well, the last and only time I'd seen him was over three years ago. I'm not even going to lie, it bothered me that my father didn't want to know me. Ironically, he looked exactly like the dad's in the movies, tall, clean cut and business like. His dark hair was perfect, his voice deep and commanding, his hazel eyes piercing. My dad was a carbon copy of the movie dad's, except he lived about a thousand miles away, he'd never asked me if any boys had been bothering me, or ask how I was doing in school. He'd never sent a birthday card or called me on thanksgiving or Christmas. My dad didn't care about me, and the one time that I'd seen him by chance when I was 14, he'd offered a hello, how are you before bidding my mother goodbye and leaving without another word. That was an unreal experience for me and I hoped never to relive it, hence me refusing to immediately flying out to his home upon the death of my mother. I just couldn't do it. Through out my life I'd been filled with these misconceptions about the absent father that turned out to actually be the dream father, the one that berated themselves everyday of their lives for not knowing their child, but for some unknown reason was kept from doing-so. I'd always imagined meeting my father with a tight embrace, tears of joy in my eyes, with promises of forever. Not coming home one rainy day after school, soaked to the bone to find he and my mother shouting at each other in the landing. No. Dreams rarely did come true, and that was the end of one of mine.

The flight to Cadence landed some two hours later, it was cold outside and my whole body was stiff. I was currently in a car being drove to my new school, feeling a mixture of apprehension and excitement. Excited at the new possibilities but apprehensive of what I'd find when I got there. What were the people like there? Would they like me? What were their facilities like? What was the town like? Was there anything to do? All these endless questions circulating in my head, indicating just how insecure I was. I wanted to make friends, I wanted to laugh again, feel free, I wanted to be me. But I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to fit in.

The driver had told me that it would be an hour and a half drive to school to which I acknowledged with a slight nod before deciding it was time to sleep. Plugging both earphones in my ears, I turned up the volume to the highest on my iPod and made myself comfortable.

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends...

I was dreaming of desolated fields and cloudy skies when I was awoken by a hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me. Slowly I lifted my head and fluttered my eyes open. The light was blinding. Trying to remember why I was lying down in such a confined space with Green Day blaring in my ears, I took in the blurred figure of a mans silhouetted figure in front of me as realisation dawned on me. Oakley, I was in Oakley.

Pulling out my earphones I slid out of the car, suppressing a yawn as I shut the door behind me. The sight that met me made me almost wish I hadn't gotten out of the car. Clutching my black shoulder-bag tightly, I gulped. All around me were students milling around, clad in a black and white uniform, all moving in different directions, making me slightly dizzy. Suddenly I was feeling self-conscious wondering exactly why I hadn't checked my appearance before getting out of the car. Smoothing a caramel coloured hand over my dark mass of curls that reached my mid back, I cringed at how dry my hair felt, and undoubtedly it was frizzy. Suddenly I wished I'd tied my hair up instead of leaving it down. Moistening my lips a little, I hoped my eyes didn't show the fear that I felt as I forced myself to stand tall and look confident. At 5'9 this wasn't really a hard feat, I was aware that my appearance could sometimes be intimidating even when I was at my most relaxed. Taking a large breath I started forwards toward what looked like the main building, I'd asked my father not to meet me, to which he readily agreed. I could do this myself..

"Thank you Winston." I smiled lightly at the driver who had kindly picked me from the airport and brought me here. He returned the smile before getting in the car and driving away. Thankfully I hadn't had to worry about my bags as they had been sent prior to my arrival a few days before.

A few people looked at me strangely as I walked on by, maybe it was the fact that I wasn't dressed in the uniform that they were all donning, or maybe it was the fact that I was new. I highly doubted it was the colour of my skin that caused them to falter in step as there were quite a few African-Americans and Asians in the crowd. This small observation brightened my spirits a little, because when I found out that Moore Granton was a prep school I was fully expecting to be schooling with crème de la crème all-Americans, I was happily mistaken.

Walking into the main building I was glad to see that there were signs and maps to help people get around, because by no means was this place small. I looked around at the hallways which broke off into different directions, wondering which way to go. The first was straight ahead, the other two were on my left and right, scanning the signs I looked for the reception, finding it to be on my left I turned and walked, ignoring the no so quiet whispers of the students.

It was 11.30 AM when I walked into Dean Hudson's office, he didn't stand up as I entered the room to greet me but merely looked up briefly to regard me with a cold glance before going back to shuffling the pages of the file that he was reading. Not knowing whether or not to sit I stood by the now closed door and decided to take in the room. The room, like the rest of the school I noticed had a very old design, with wood paned walls and a large clover shaped window behind the dean who was currently seated at his large oak table. On the wall was a framed hand painted portrait of a man in what looked like Victorian attire. Glancing at the nameplate I recognized a distinctive Sir Moore Granton 1892-1917 . This school was old, I knew that much from its Victorian design and William Morris inspired decorations, but this portrait confirmed that. The thought made me slightly uneasy.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a distinctive clearing of the throat.

"Take a seat Miss Mack." Dean Hudson was looking at me with calculating green eyes, his face was like stone and showed no emotion. This man did not like me, that much was clear.

Feeling quite intimidated I sat silently in the chair opposite him, gently placing my bag on the floor and placing my hand in my lap.

"Welcome to Moore Granton Preparatory, Jordan, I hope you enjoy your stay here." Looking at his cold expression and contemplating his monotone voice, I decided that I didn't feel very welcomed.

"It's not very often we allow new students to enter Moore Granton in the final year on such short notice, but you had excellent references, and I was informed of your circumstances, so decided to make an exception. That goes without saying Jordan, I expect you to follow the rules of this school and uphold a certain level of decorum on and off the school grounds. I'm sure I don't have to say, however, there will be no smoking on the school grounds or when you are in school uniform off grounds. There will be no drugs and no alcohol consumed. Any student discovered doing so will find themselves under heavy disciplinary action which could lead to dismissal." He stopped to take a small sip from the glass of water that was sitting at the side of his desk.

How many times had her recited this speech?

"Fighting will not be tolerated on or off the school grounds, as a Moore Granton student, you are expected to upkeep the schools high profile. There are strict regulations regarding curfew. No student is to leave or enter this school after 10PM, for seniors this has been raised to 11PM. Cars are not allowed to be driven in the plaza, any student caught driving in the plaza will have their car confiscated indefinitely. From Monday to Friday, no student is to be in the halls after 11PM, and student doing so will be... "

I sat as he continued to talk about the school regulations, my concentration not really there; I'd already gotten the essentials. No smoking and lights out at 11. That's all I needed to know.

"Now Jordan." My eyes snapped into focus at the sound of my name. " As you already know classes started yesterday, I have spoken to your teachers and asked them to keep a file of the work you have missed these past two days. Here at Moore Granton we pride ourselves on excellence, and missed assignments will not be tolerated. You are expected to attend every lesson; any lesson missed must be supported by a signed senior nurse's note. Is that clear?"

" Yes." I looked at him in his eyes as I replied. I wasn't fazed by any of these rules; I was a good student, kind of. What I wanted to do more than anything was get out of this room and sleep, eat and sleep.

I watched as he picked up a thick file and pushed it toward me.

"This is a copy of the rules and regulations. your schedule." I picked it up from the table silently, intimidated by the weight of it. How many rules could one place have? I felt a headache coming on.

"Your room is C124 situated in the Creighton House, here is a map and a key to the room. I'm sorry but I was unable to get you a guide seeing as all students are in lessons, I'm sure you remember some of your geography skills from your younger days. Now, If you'll excuse me I have some work to attend to Miss Mack."

"Thank You sir." Finally, I could get out of here. Standing up, happy to be leaving, I grabbed the map and key from the table and picked up my small bag from the floor beside me. Concluding that I did not like this man, I turned to make my hasty exit.

"Dean Hudson."

"Excuse me?" I said turning around to regard him over my shoulder. His back was now half turned to me as he raided a draw to his left, but he still spoke.

"I'm not sure what you're used to back where you're from, but the student's here call me Dean Hudson, not sir, I am not your gym teacher."

"Yes sir." Realising my mistake and suppressing the urge to laugh, I hurried out of the room, closing the door swiftly behind me.

Finding my way to the Creighton House was harder than expected and I had finally found it after 15 minutes, the school ground were so expansive that It didn't rally matter if I had the map, It was still confusing. Entering the Creighton House I located the stairs before walking up to the first floor. Quickly evaluating which way the numbers on the doors went I turned right down the corridor towards room C124.

Upon reaching C124 I breathed a quiet, welcome to your new home Jordan, before turning the key in the lock and pushing the door open uncertainly.

Much to my amazement, I walked into what looked like a well lived in room, there were two beds on either side of the room, complete with identical small dresser and worktable except one dresser and desk table were already covered with various items including a lamp, and laptop. Despite the mess of clothes, and random books that were splayed out across the floor, odd shoes, and socks, this wasn't what most surprised me. What startled me was the fact that the whole back wall furthest away from the beds was a mirror and I was currently staring at a reflection of myself. Alarmed, I tentatively stepped over random items toward the mirrored wall to take in my appearance. Dropping my bag to my feet I leaned closer, to inspect myself for some reason expecting something to be different.

I still stood at 5'9, taller than many girls my age but not all. I was still slender with an athletic build, even though I had recently lost some weight due to my bad eating habits the past few months gone, but i still looked feminine, thankfully. My ears were small but stuck out slightly from beneath my hair, which i pushed back to reveal six studded earrings gleaming at me from the light, and I suddenly noticed how mismatched my clothes were. I was wearing a black hoodie which had purple exclamation marks printed on it, below which I wore a ribbed green tank which I'd teamed up with distressed boy fit jeans that lay snugly on my hips, held up by a yellow belt with a large gold eagle buckle. On my feet were black converse with Pink and yellow ribbon I'd used to substitute the shoelaces. To say the least, I looked colourful, which was probably the reason why I'd received such strange looks earlier. My lips were full and shaped, one of the things I had finally grown to like about myself. In my younger years I remembered hating them and thinking that they were humungous, but I grew into them, just like my mom said I would. I didn't look much like my mother, with her 5'11 height, unblemished chocolate coloured skin, and brown eyes, but it wasn't hard to imagine I was her daughter; we had the same slightly angular face shape and sticky-out ears. Everything else was mine, except my hazel eyes, I had my dad's eyes.

I was snapped out of my daze by the sound of laugher met my ears as the door was pushed abruptly open and two girls walked into the room, upon seeing me, their laugher died down, but their smiles lingered. Swiftly the first girl put down a large gym back, took three long strides to where I was now standing and stretched out her hand.

"Melody Hayes, You must me my new room mate. It's so nice to get some one new around here" She was gushing, genuinely pleased to meet me, I instantly grabbed her hand shaking it firmly, that grown people way. My mom had taught me well, it showed on the first instant that I was sincere, and was to be taken seriously, she told me. Melody was of average height, and average build. Slim, slender, clear skin and beautiful. Her golden blonde hair was currently pulled back in a messy pony tail, making her features stand out, like her rosy pout and straight nose, accentuated by high cheek bones and blue green almond shaped eyes. She could almost be a model, if she were tall enough that is.

"Jordan Mack." I offered as a greeting, with a small smile. "Nice to meet you."

For some reason she faltered slightly before taking a half step back and turning to the girl that was standing behind her, still holding her gym bag. At first glance it was clear she wasn't happy to see me here. She was just below average height, with short dark hair that gradually grew longer at the front, the longest parts reaching her jawbone. She had a small button nose and large almond shaped eyes. Filipina, I could tell.

Melody introduced her as Laine who smiled lightly but didn't make any move to shake my hand. Instead she allowed her brown eyes to bore into mine as if she was searching for something before suddenly announcing her departure.

"Didi I'm off, okay, this free period isn't gonna last forever, I need to get changed." With that she turned on her heel and left the room, the door shutting loudly behind her.

To my surprise Melody snorted.

"Don't Mind Nini, she's just antisocial, you'll get used to her. Seriously," Melody added the last part at the look of my doubtfulness she moved to pick her bag off the floor, walked over to the single bed on the left side of the room and proceeded to empty out its contents onto the bed.

"You're a dancer." I stated rather than asked at seeing the leggings and ballet shoes that fell out of her bag after her school uniform.

"Yea." Her eyes shone, showing her passion. " I love it! You dance?" She looked at me expectantly.

"No not really, well kind of, but just as a hobby, you know?" I smiled at the memories of me at classes at Danceworks back home.

"Hey, that's great. You should come to a class with me sometime, it would be genial!" She chuckled whilst wrapping the ribbon on her ballet shoes around them, binding them together.

I laughed.

"So yea, I didn't actually know I was going to have a roomie this year so I went and took the bed closest to the bathroom, sorry." Bringing up her shoulders and letting them fall briefly after, she smiled apologetically. "But your bed's cool too, you just have to walk further to the bathroom. That door over there is your wardrobe." She pointed to a door in the wall, which I walked over to reveal a large wardrobe. Cool.

"Yea, They're big I know, I was so happy that I got Crieghton this year, these are some of the new dorms they built just last year, you should see the wardrobes and bathroom in the old ones, nasty." She shook her head as she stripped out of her gym clothes, I looked away and instead poked my head further into my cupboard, It really was big.

"Sorry about the indecent exposure." Her voice was muffled as she attempted to pull her still buttoned shirt over her head but not successfully doing so.

"Its cool." I snorted at her predicament. Her arms were now high up in an angular position, the top of her crown was barely poking through the collar and the rest if the shirt was punched up just below her armpits.

"Crap I'm stuck." She tried to wiggle her arms in an attempt to get her head through but nothing happened, except my laughter.

"Help?" I said as I walked toward her and grabbed the bottom of the shirt, pulling down on it hard to reveal Melodies now mussed up blond hair.

"You know normal people unbutton the shirt before putting it on, trust me, its much easier."

"But that's so time consuming! I hate buttons." She hmphed as she sat down to put her black pumps on, making no attempt to fix her hair

"Hey, you should come down and meet my some of my friends, we have a double free period. Come, It'll be cool."

Despite being tired, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so I agreed and that's where I found myself half an hour later. I'd had to put on my school uniform which consisted of a black pleated skirt, white shirt, black tie and blazer complete with the schools emblem, apparently students weren't allowed to walk around the school grounds in their own clothes on school days.

Ten minutes later I was sitting at a table in the plaza with about eight others, they had pulled two tables together and we were all talking quite comfortably. I'd been introduced to Melody's friends most of whom were male; we were debating about the perfect summer vacation.

Currently I was convinced that I was surrounded by fools the way the male dominated conversation was going, at this point in time they were laughing whilst looking at me quite incredulously. I was sat next to Gale, perfectly described as god if you will, with his tan skin, blue eyes accentuated by long eye lashes, pouty lips and bed head of blond hair, he could do no wrong.

"Jordan, me going to Vegas, hooking up with fine young specimen and devouring them in my room each consecutive day of my vacation is every males dream!"' He elongated that last word for emphasis. To which I rolled my eyes at.

"Every straight mans dream Gale." That was Brett who spoke up, He wasn't anything special in the looks department, but his eyes and smile held so much charm I had no problem believing he got as many girls as he claimed this summer.

"Brett, stop trying to be smart, I did not specify the gender of these fine young specimen, so the statement still stands. Every mans dream you hear me?" He directed the last part at me. The guys at the table cheered and high fived each other in their juvenile way as I sighed. Clearly, a lost cause.

"I'm sure your dream also entails catching something funky from one of these fine young specimen?" That made them shut up. Yeah!

"Oh Jordan, poor child, Haven't you heard yet, the media now publicly promotes safe sex. Don't be silly with your willy, wear a condoooooom? "

We all laughed at Brett's rendition of the safe sex jingle from a few years back.

"Wrap it up, before you back it up!" That was Toby, complete with hand motions. I shook my head along with Melody as we laughed again, my sides were starting to hurt.

Gale stood up and bent over whilst Toby imitated smacking his ass.

" Back back back it up, back back..."

"My my if it isn't the gay parade, you should be ashamed of yourselves. " A distinctly male voice shot out from behind me, I was about to turn around and curse at the loser but looking at their faces there was no anger. The hell?

It was Gale who moved first seeing as he was already standing, I turned to see him walk up to a guy that was at least 6'5, do the man hug that guys do as a way of greeting.

"Damien, my man." Damien had an athletic build; even from under his blazer and school trousers I could tell. His face was finely chiselled, his brow dominant. His skin was very tanned making him look Mediterranean, but looking at the slight wave of his hair it was obvious he had something in him. Damien looked like he'd walked right off a catwalk, but there was something about him that stopped me from being attracted to him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was there.

"Wagwan Gale, where you been." His voice was deep and held a lot of authority in it, I could tell from the way that he carried himself that he was very confident, and very powerful.

"Yea I arrived last night, had a thing or two to deal with at home."

Melody was the only one who stood up, as he touched fists with the rest of the guys at the table when his eyes came to me he faltered and took a quick step back. Noticing this Melody took this as her cue to grab his attention, hugging him briefly she brought her attention back to me, the whole while his eyes didn't leave mine.

"Damien Miller, this is Jordan Mack." She said this all with a giggle without noticing the tension between the both of us.

Why was he staring at me like that, it wasn't in a friendly way either, instead his eyes were filled with contempt and animosity. I squirmed in my seat, and tried to offer something that was akin to a smile.

But he didn't move, just stared, as if I were a ghost. Or vermin.

Then as if a breeze had suddenly blown, I felt a chill run down my spine as goosebumps prickled my skin, as if someone were staring at me. I turned around slowly, expcting my worst fear, or a mad hatter at least.

I was faced with the most contemptuous look of dislike I'd ever seen on a human. He was tall as well, Damien's height. He had dark brown hair, cut down low, a number one most probably, and chiselled features, High cheekbones, a square jaw, perfectly straight nose and his rose lips were set in the perfect scowl. I noticed the way his tanned hands were balled at his sides, and the glint in his eye as he glared at me, but his eyes, they scared me.

Me and the devil-incarnate. We had the same eyes.

an: I had more than six different versions of this chapter, because first impressions count and it had to be perfect, and now I know I'm going to have ten different versions of the second and third chapter because well, first impressions don't always last, and I want this one to last, or at least get better. I haven't attempted to write in over a year, I almost forgot how much stress writing incurs on the young mind. And even if I did create the perfect first chapter, which you shall be the ind judges of, I still had the "blurb" to write. THAT is so important, Its akin to the first thing you check out on a guy you've met for the first time, that had to be over perfect. And that scared me. So please forgive if its not the best, I always was bad at summaries. People please forgive any retardedness on my part, I did art subjects, Italian and Spanish at college and uni, so I forgot how to spell, and well, any grammar I may have learned in my hey-day! I solely promise that I have read over this more times than I can count and am actually quite sick of it, but point is, I tried really hard to remove any errors on the grammatical front that could be deemed a story killer! Also any spellings of realize/that come out as realise or any of that other stuff, please don't watch that, I'm English, even though my spell checker is adamant it be American, so there may be some interchanging with the ize's and ise's. Oh and I also have this thing where I make up new words, please don't grab a dictionary to find out of normalness is actually a word, I thoroughly assure that it is not, however this is written as a stream of conscience, please keep that in mind for future reference.

Feel free to point anything out that I may have missed, shoot any questions my way, no mater how absurd they may be, I'll Be sure to get back to you, I have much time on my hands.

So yea without further ado, welcome fellow Fic Invadors. Thanks for clicking. Kudos to you for doing so.

Nuff love, now send some my way.