I Dare You to Move
Is Anybody Listening
"Don't know how I should play the cards I've been dealt"
Do you ever look back in time and wonder what the hell you were thinking? Like when you finally hit thirteen and thought you were finally one of the grown ups, or when you were fifteen and decided that you were old enough to make all the decisions for yourself. Do teenagers three or four years younger than yourself make you cringe when they remind you of all the stupid things you did when you were their age? For some reason when I was fifteen I thought I owned the world, I was running all over town with my equally immature friends wreaking havoc in my wake; drinking, smoking, mouthing off to my elders getting into fights. And now three years later I'm looking back and feeling quite ashamed of my actions. I thought I was so grown, so intelligent, no one could tell me anything. I think that period of time was the hardest for me my mother and I because I was so off the rails. To her everything I did was wrong and to me everything she said wasn't even worth paying attention to. I know now that as a mother she was just trying to guide me onto the right path, and now I'm thankful for that because I can imagine where I'd be right now if she'd given up, a place where no one should be.
One thing I was finding hard to deal with after my mothers passing was her incessant wisdom; she was my best friend, I shared everything with her, the good and the bad, she always knew what to do, her advice was always perfect. Right now I could really do with her advice.
Sat atop a table stargazing out of the large windows of a dark empty room on the top floor of the main building, I contemplated the changes in my life.
"Hey Mommy, I don't know if you can hear me but I'm hoping you can because I could really do with your help. Funny how the first time I try to speak to you is when I need something. Sorry about that."
The moon shone down on me from the star filled sky and I imagined in was my mum's way of telling be, amongst all that beauty, she was there too, with me- for me.
It was the first week of October, and the student body had been relentless with their cruel antics toward me and I had never felt so stigmatized in my life. At first it had started with a few unknown people knocking me about in the halls, I had thought I t was the norm as it could get pretty crowded in the halls between classes, but when I was begin knocked into walls and lockers when there was hardly anyone around, I realised it was no accident. Caleb hadn't so much as spared me a second glance since our first English class but it was clear he wanted nothing to do with me; everyone picked up on that and took it as a free pass to torment me to get into his good books.
"What do I do about Caleb, Mommy? I always wanted a brother but it seems like that's never going to happen. He hates me so much, and I…I don't want him to. He's my brother, whether or not we grew up together it can't be too late for us." Sighing I shrugged me shoulders in defeat.
"Maybe it is too late for us, he hates me, everyone hates me and I hate this place, Mum. Absolutely hate it and I want to go home! I want to be with you and I want…I want not to feel alone! God, Mum, why did you have to go?" I knew I was being irrational, but with so long with pent up hurt and anger I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I stayed up to late hours of the night trying to catch up on missed assignments, watching movies online and reading. Basically trying to escape how being at Moore Granton made me feel like I didn't belong.
"I can't do this anymore!" Angry at the world and life and my mum and the moon and the stars I finally broke down and lay down in a foetal position away from the window. My sobs caught in my throat as my eyes landed an easel half covered by a dust cloth. Hiccupping I slid off the table and toward the easel, I gently uncovered it and almost laughed. My Mum could hear me, and I could almost hear exactly what she was telling me.
"Life is like art, you take what you have and you make it as beautiful as you want it to be." Her voice whispered in the air.
Thinking back onto what my mum had gone through in life and still persevered I realised that self-pity wasn't getting me anywhere. I had to move, If I wanted things to be right in my life then I had to make those first steps, they were never easy but they were always possible. With some kind of newfound strength I smiled and wiped the tears from my cheeks. Sliding out of the room, I tiptoed my way back to my dorm room. It was well after curfew, but I had always been one to stick to the rules that were beneficial to me. It was cold outside as I made my way across the square making sure to stay in the shadows, but I barely noticed with all the inspired thoughts running through my mind. I was still smiling as I quietly pushed my way into the dorm room where Melody was hunched over her laptop tapping furiously at the keyboard; it made me smile even more.
Melody's half assed reply almost made me laugh; this was so typical of her. She was the queen of last minute assignments; somehow she always managed to get good grades. It was a mystery.
Melody and I had become very close over the past month, we were se different yet so similar. In the first two weeks of term we had eaten lunch and dinner by ourselves at a small café just outside of school. Most of Melody's friends left to eat lunch with their usual friends, which included the group Caleb and Damien belonged to. Melody always declined when they invited her to eat with them but I could tell she missed them and hated saying no, in the end I'd demanded that she go eat with her friends and stop trying to look after me like I was mentally challenged. Obviously she agreed because we both knew she missed her friends and couldn't ditch them forever, besides we shared the same dorm, we'd probably hate each other in the end if we spent every free minute we had in each other's presence. But even then we were always together, when I wasn't being a social recluse that is. I'd fast learned to minimise any kind of contact with the student body in any way I knew how, and breaks were spent in the library where I absorbed myself in schoolwork. Free periods saw me in an obscure area of the school grounds reading a book. Melody would alternate between spending her time with me and her friends making sure I didn't permanently cut myself off from the world and for that I was truly thankful, Smiling I pulled the bed sheets over my head and proceeded to fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure Monday came around way too early because one moment I was closing my eyes and the next I was opening them. I'm also pretty sure that it was the bell for first period that woke me up, checking my cell for the time I saw that I had twenty minutes to get to class, not good.
"Dammit Melody, why didn't you…" I faltered when I noticed said person sound asleep at her desk, head slumped over her laptop, which was beeping incessantly as her forehead crushed the keyboard. How could anyone sleep through that?
"…Wake me up." I begrudgingly finished my sentence stomping over to Melody and shoving her awake.
"No we're not, I didn't even snooze my alarm yet." Her voice was groggy and hardly awake.
"That's because you didn't set it, dumbass!" I was running around the room looking for my uniform, which was mixed up at the end of my bed in a pile of washed clothes. I hate Mondays was the only thought going through my head.
Melody finally raised her head with a groan to look at me moving frantically around the room.
"Oh! my neck!" Her hand reached up to caress the pain away until her eyes finally widened in understanding. She was then up and looking at her cell in disbelief ,which was then flung on her bed as she too ran to get ready. She went to the bathroom first to wash her teeth and face and I was frantically ironing my skirt and shirt with one shoe on my foot, the other missing in the mayhem that was our room. Peg legging it to the bathroom as Melody rushed out I too washed my face and teeth in record time. My hair looked like a bomb had gone off but it would have to wait. As I ran out of the bathroom trying to button up my shirt Melody threw my shoe at me which managed to hit me square in the forehead.
"Shit!" I glared at Melody who back was now turned away from me and stuffing books and papers into a bag.
Slipping my foot into my shoe whilst finishing the last buttons on my shirt I turned toward my book bag behind me on my bed. Made sure I had everything, threw my tie around my neck not bothering to do it up, grabbed my bag and was sprinting down the corridor and down the stairs with Melody not far behind me.
"Ohhhhhhh, I can't believe I'm gonna be late again. My class is on the others side of the campus dammit." Melody was muttering obscenities between gasps as we made it across the plaza and into the main building. That's where we split up, with only seconds to spare. I had economics first period; thankfully the business department was close by. I turned to say bye to Melody but she was already gone, and I was going to be late if I didn't get a move on. Pushing through the doors at the end of the corridor and up the stairs toward the economics department. I made a mental note to set my own alarm next time. This was the third time this had happened in the past two weeks.
As I rushed through the door breathless I noticed that even though classes had officially started the teacher wasn't there yet. Catching my breath as I slumped in my seat I didn't even bother to acknowledge anyone's presence, especially not the person sat next to me who was watching me intently.
"Who's boat you were rocking last night? You look like an exceptional piece of crap this morning."
"Up yours Gale." I spat out between gasps fanning myself with a random sheet of paper.
"Au contraire, Up yours. So tell me who was it? I'll give him a free ride to the clinic. Or her. It wasn't a girl was it?" I glared at him as his eyes widened in mock surprise.
" It was wasn't it? Jordan you dirty little dyke!" This part he shouted out and pointed at me, jumping out of his seat for effect.
Everyone had stopped their conversations and was watching us.
In a fit of childish frustration I grabbed his pointing finger and bent it back rather forcefully before letting go. This quick action turned his mock horror into real horror as he cradled his hand like a baby. I smirked spitefully at his pain. I wasn't playing anymore.
"You crazy bitch! What the hell?" He looked like he wanted to hit me.
"Don't point your damn finger at me you fool. Now sit the hell down and stop talking to me!"
Gale's eyes glinted a little as he stared at me, before suddenly smirking as he sat back down in his seat, ignoring me. This was the only class we shared together and despite him being a good friend of Caleb's he was always civil with me. He always found ways to wind me up but it was always in jest, I just wasn't in the mood this fine morning.
"But really are you cool?"
Gale turned to me again, and I saw the concern in his eyes. Thinking over his question I asked myslf if I was ok, and whilst I wasn't, after last night I knew I would be.
"I'm good. Don't worry about little old me."
"Its hard not to when you look more like a match stick each week." Gales eyes were hard as they regarded me. I just frowned and looked toward the front as the teacher breezed into the room and begun the lesson as if he hadn't been late.
The economics class went by without incident.
I'd clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed because I was on a warpath. By lunch break it seemed everyone knew to stay away from me, I'd already got into a fight with some kid who thought it would be funny to know my things out of my hands. I'd grabbed him by the collar and made him pick them all up before sending him on his way.
"And the phantom student is discovered! Doing what it knows best, being a nerd whilst resembling a mad scientist!"
I didn't even bother to look up from the textbook I was reading to know who had graced me with their presence.
"I'd love to Jordan, but it seems a little bitch decided to complain that they weren't getting any help with the English assignment."
His voice was vehement and made me look toward him in disbelief.
"It is a joint assignment Damien, that means we do equal amounts of work for a joint grade. Believe it or not I am not going to roll over and let you walk all over me whilst I do all the hard work."
"Hard work! Are you serious? It's a word review!" His hand slammed down on the table beside me, I flinched slightly but I didn't back down.
"And when you add it up each week you get an essay! So yeah, hard work!"
"Petty bitch." He stuffed a folded piece of paper in front of me before walking away.
Opening it up delicately my eyebrows raised at the neatness of his handwriting. Unexpected. Reading over the header I realised that he'd evaluated the most recent word that we'd received.
Patience is the ability stay calm and composed whilst enduring delay or provocation. It is bestowed upon the wise and fools alike. The beauty of patience lies in when and how long it is exerted. Too much patience can leave you standing on the sidelines for the rest of your life wondering when your chance will come, but too little patience can be your downfall because you chose to take the first opening instead of waiting for a better one. A wise man knows when to stay in the shadows and evaluate a situation by weighing out the pros and cons. A wise man doesn't wait for his opening he finds it and when he does he steps into the light. He is always alert, weaving in and out of the shadows, constantly re-evaluating always knowing when to run, duck or swim. A wise man knows his limits, he knows his strengths and more importantly he knows his weaknesses, he constantly strives to remove these weaknesses, but it is a long and strenuous task, which takes patience. Patience that build his character, allows him to stop and identify his flaws allowing him to learn from his mistakes and the mistakes of others who and ran headfast to their destruction.
A wise man is a patient man, and a wise patient man is always winner, because he knows when to fight, he knows how to fight, he knows which weapons to use, and how to use them, he knows where to attack and he always does at the perfect time and he always wins the war. A patient man has no regrets, but all men have failures, therefore all men have regrets. Patience is an illusion.
Patience is for fools.
First and foremost THANK YOU to my reviewers and silent readers, hopefully I'll hear your voices in the near future! (Obviously no hear hear but you know what I mean)
Cheated Hearts: Thanks for pointing out the Green Hazel discrepancy! I always say it's the same thing…but it kind of isn't so. Yeah. :P
and the DamienCaleb discrepancy too! Brothers name is definitely CALEB…I didn't even notice I mixed the two up…silly me!
FHJL88 Yeah he is hot! I wish my guy looked like him
Sorry for the long wait! SERIOUSLY, I am so sorry! But I have thought of this everyday trying to figure out how I was going to move it along.
You may have noticed that this is a shorter chapter than the past two, and this is going to continue. Also I'm looking for a Beta, who is addicted to grammar because mine sucks hardcore! (It's so hard to get my tenses right) I blame it on the fact that I'm an art student! Which is another reason why it's taken so long to get this out! It's a DEMANDING course I tell you! But it's OVER! Wohooooo my exhibition pieces are up, sketchbooks in tomorrow so I'm free until October!
Life is good!