Giving You Me

Maybe it was because your body was so honest, you could never fool anyone. The perfect combination of twisted corruption, innocence, and utter loneliness. I would have followed you anywhere.

You were trusted with me and I gave myself up to you. Your hands were soft and I heard what you said but I couldn't listen. I wanted you in any way I could have you. Words that my mind couldn't grasp. I remember blood and late conversations. The first time I felt truly comfortable. The first time I was cared for so deeply.

Someone to carry me home and make sure I was alright. A touch to my back, a hand on the window. You noticed every detail. A kiss on my forehead, soft. Maybe not the love that I want, but the love I need. Tenderness. Someone to guide me down the stairs and help me find my way back through the woods.

I remember skin and self-fulfilled dominance. I remember you needing to make me feel better. Tickle fights and laughing. I remember your guitar when I'm sad and listening when you need it. I needed to make you feel better.

For the first time, completely willing to give myself up. You needed me and I needed you. Dependence. I remember your jacket and the way you said I was family. Your hugs and you bearing your heart with slurred words. You seek me out when I need you. Finding me in the cellar buried under a shelf or huddled on the bathroom floor. Cuddling in the construction truck and making funny faces in pictures.

I remember mud fights. Running around naked in the moonlight. I remember you showing me the perfect view of the city. Wandering upon a fire on the beach. I remember switching clothes and falling between your bed and the wall. You carrying me when my shoes hurt. I remember Love Sac and rolling over you. Laughing until my stomach ached. Sitting in your lap when the car is full. Sharing secrets.

I remember giving you what you need.

Giving you what you want.

Giving you love and emotional turmoil.

Giving you me.