53Author's Note: This is something I randomly came up with and I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! It's kind of short, but I didn't want to put too much down yet. Please R&R and tell me if you like it!
A little warning: I use a lot of profanity, and in later chapters it might get worse… so just letting you know incase you don't like reading it.
And I have nothing against any of the "labels" I put in here. Remember this kid is supposed to be anti-social!
Chapter 1 Welcome to the Family
Well hello there, I'm Joey. It's the last week of summer, not that I really care. I obviously have nothing better to do than sit here and tell you all my problems. It pretty much started the day I was born, but I'm not going to bore you with all the details. All I have to say is, you'd have problems too if you had a dad that calls himself The Dash Dancer, and actually thinks it's cool, or a mom who seriously thinks she's Wonder Woman. Oh and if you had a sister who doesn't believe in shoes and thinks you're a sinner if you eat meat. I guess you can say I have a pretty strange family . . . though I think strange doesn't even begin to cover it. Sometimes I wonder why I got put in this family. Oh well, I guess I've rambled enough, until next time.
I closed my journal stuffing it into my messenger bag. School would be starting soon . . . oh joy! Soon I would be surrounded by idiots consisting of jocks, cheerleaders, Goths and emos. Not to mention sluts, bastards and shit talkers.
Double joy!
All I can remember is never wanting to be around people. I would even distance myself from my family, which I still do. Yeah I'll talk to them when I feel like it, but I usually just keep to myself. I'm sure anyone would if they had a family like mine . . .
I dragged my messenger bag over to my computer desk and sat it on the chair. Sighing, I decided to go downstairs and watch TV or something. Though I'm sure there's nothing interesting on anyways.
I immediately regretted coming downstairs. Why, you ask? Well there in the living room is my crazy hippie sister sitting in a circle with some of her friends. I stared wide eyed as a goat walked passed me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out when I noticed a weird looking bird on my sister's arm and a monkey on one of her friend's shoulders.
"What the hell . . ." I finally said. "Oh hello Jo Jo! Why do you look so confused?" I hated when she used that stupid nick name. "Don't call me that, Jessie! Where'd all these animals come from?" I asked. Jessie petted the bird on her arm. "We're becoming one with the animals! We're trying to feel their spiritual energy!" I arched an eyebrow. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, nor did I want to know. "Uh, okay whatever." One of her friends turned to face me.
"Dude, just chillaaaaaax!" Okay, he is obviously high. I just looked at him like he was a complete idiot, which he was.
"Yeah anyways Jessie, can't you take your . . . friends somewhere else?" I asked.
This place was starting to get a weird smell, and I wasn't sure if it was from the animals . . . or the guy that doesn't shower . . . ever!
"But Jo Jo!" she stood taking the bird with her. She was wearing her usual outfit, a long black skirt and a suede jacket that kind of reminded me of Bon Jovi's. And of course that weird band around her head. I swear she never took that thing off! Her long black hair went way down her waist. Just last year she suddenly didn't believe in hair cuts. Her emerald green eyes were outlined with dark liner and she wore a deep red lip stick. It was kind of weird . . . she was a hippie . . . and gothic! We used to get called twins all the time . . . except I'm not a hippie or gothic and I never will be! But my family does have natural black hair. I was torn from my thoughts by Jessie rambling on.
"We can't leave now! We've already started the blending of spirits!" she practically yelled. I twitched at the loudness of her voice. It really wasn't necessary considering she was only 2 inches away from my ear! That was another thing! She always had to stand extremely close to whoever she was talking to! But I guess I kind of got used to it over the years. "Uh . . . can't you do that later?" I asked blankly. She just stared at me as if I had the ugliest wart you'd ever see. I looked over at her weird circle of friends in time to see that same guy turn back around.
"Dude, just chillaaaaaax!"
I felt my eye twitch. I swear if he said that again . . .
"Hey Jessie! Hey Joey!"
I looked up the stair case and I'm pretty sure my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. Oh dear God! My dad came sliding down the railing in a yellow ski mask, a multi colored leotard, a cape and the ugliest pair of white boots I had ever seen in my life!
You've gotta be shitting me!
I never thought he'd actually go through with getting a costume. He leaped off the railing once he got to the bottom, practically falling over but quickly regaining his balance. He flexed the muscles he didn't even have as he shouted.
"Oh yeeeeaaaah! The Dash Dancer is here! Oh yeeeeaaaaah!"
I just stared at him, wishing I wasn't related to this man before me. He walked pass me into the living room pretending he was entering the ring. It was kind of sad how he played his own announcer . . . and audience. I just prayed this was some weird phase he was going through and he wasn't seriously thinking about pursuing this strange dream of his.
I turned back to my sister who seemed unaffected by what we just saw. "Uh yeah . . . anyways, how long does this . . . spirit blending last?" I asked trying to get the image of a certain man in a leotard out of my mind. Jessie shrugged. "It could last minutes, it could last hours, it could last . . . days" I sighed. "Uh, okay then . . . maybe I'll just-" I stopped when I heard the sudden yelling from my dad AKA The Dash Dancer.
"You want a piece o' this?! Well do ya?! Yaaaaargh!"
If it were possible, my eyes got even wider as I saw my dad jump off the couch and do a body slam right down on the coffee table . . . breaking it. He just jumped right back up raising his arms in the air. "Oh yeeeeaaah!"
I shook my head and went back upstairs. I think I'd much rather deal with the sluts, bastards and shit talkers at school.
Okay, so now there's only two days left until my first day of Hell . . . otherwise known as high school. I'm not happy about it, but at least it's away from here. I never thought I'd want to go to school . . . ever. It's actually kind of weird because . . . I don't exactly want to go, but then I don't really care. I don't know, it's hard to explain . . . later.
I closed my journal and set it on my dresser. I looked at the clock, and it was almost midnight. I crawled into bed not really wanting to get under the covers, since it was still hot. I looked up as my door swung open. Oh God! When does it end?!
There stood my mom . . . in a Wonder Woman costume.
"I can avoid that bullet faster than you can shoot, Mr. Norman." She said. I sighed and just tried to ignore her . . . she would go away eventually. I closed my eyes hoping she would take the freaking hint!
"No one can resist the golden lasso. It binds all who are encircled and compels them to tell . . . the truth!" she said, throwing her home made rope at me. I just shrugged it off and turned away from her. This was seriously pissing me off . . .
"You obviously have little regard for womanhood. You must learn respect!" she said as she finally left me the hell alone!
God . . . why is it that I'm the only normal person in this family?
A/N: Aahahahaaa! I love this story and I'm actually quite proud of it so far… so in the next chapter he'll be starting school. That should be fun (grins evilly)
So yeah . . . I actually used Wonder Woman quotes! So those do NOT belong to me! I thought it was funny XD
Anyways, please R&R.