It's gotten colder.

Now that you are gone.

I smile at the memories.

Of you and me.

But that's all they are.

Just memories.

And it's not the same.

Why can't I look at your pictures

Without crying?

Without feeling heartbroken . . .

I wanted you to be there forever.

You were supposed to be here.

And I still can't believe you are gone.

Even as I look at the stone in the ground.

Sometimes I wish I could be next to you.

We all do.

The feeling hasn't completely set in.

I was in denial.

I still am.

Even when you were lying there, on your dying day.

I kept telling myself you would get better.

I told myself that so many times.

I believed it . . .

I wasn't accepting the truth.

I hated it!

They don't understand!

And it's not fair . . .

I would do anything just to see your smile.

Or hear your cheerful voice.

Anything.

I miss you.

I want you here.

But now all I can do . . .

Is dream of you.

And wake up to find it wasn't real.

Sometimes I wish I would sleep forever.

Then I would see you.

Then I would be happy.

And it would be

Just

Like

Heaven.