these scars wouldn't be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye
and i listen to the kind of music that i have to turn off once my parents enter the room so they don't hear every thing i've gone through echoing in the one line
and i have the kind of problems that everyone whispers about on the streets, telling each other that it's "only the crazy people who deal with this kind of shit"
and every day i need to go through rituals just to make it all okay in my fucked up mind
and the only relief i would ever get would be to cry it to the world, and even then, would they hear me?
sometimes i like to wonder if i'm going insane, because of all the morbid fascinations and thoughts that go through my mind
sometimes i like to look down at the blood i'm shedding and think to myself 'this isn't right'
sometimes i like to think that even though i'm just a fucked up kid, i can be normal one day
once in a while, i get lost in my thoughts and pretend like i'm eight again, like people can see who i really am, like i can get wishes and be whatever or whoever i want
there are times when i sit on the bathroom floor, with a razor to my leg and blood staining the bathmat, when i wonder what people would think of me if they knew this was how i live my life
on the rare occasion that i actually open up to people, i notice that if i try to say something again, they back away
when i realize that there's only one person right now i know i can really talk to, i always think to myself how amazing it is to have that one person
i try to let people in, but i get scared and run, or they get scared and run and i end up hurt
i wish people could see sometimes that this is the hell that i go through and maybe they can notice it and care
sometimes when i say one word, i feel like i'm eight again and i'm that awkward kid that everyone used to make fun of and who i've never mentioned again, and people don't even realize who that was
i always know that somewhere in me, that awkward little girl is still there, even as mature as i may have gotten
sometimes i wonder if i showed anyone this, if they would even care
every time i create a new cut, i end up regretting it, except for when i don't
whenever i want to give up, i think of everyone in the world who i've ever meant something to, and realize that i could never do that to them.
once in a while, i think that i'm so young, and that i shouldn't be feeling these things even though i am and i can't seem to stop myself from them no matter how hard i try
i give out hints on how i live my life, and that i would really like for some one to ask me how i'm doing, but so far, there's only one person who's stuck through it with me
i love too easily, i trust too easily, i get hurt too easily and i can never seem to stop the steady stream of naivety
i tend to lie and say i'm okay, but i've never been okay
sometimes when i say "oh i'm fine" i want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell me the truth"
i fall in love too easily and when i get out, i think to myself 'she can never know'
when i cry, i don't want people to comfort me, i want them to ask me what's wrong
when i pour my heart and soul onto a computer screen, i want my friends to ask me if i want to talk about anything, not just tell me that this was beautiful
when i try to stop, there's always something telling me to go on, not matter what i'm trying to stop at, and i can't ever tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing
when it's a good thing, i can fight it. when it's a bad thing, i don't want to.
whenever i try to open my mouth and say everything, the only thing that's stopping me is that they can't deal with it
sometimes it's that i can't deal with it.
when i show someone that i hurt, i want them to try to understand and talk to me even if it hurts them to do so.
when i need a hug, i always wish the people i want one from would be there to give it to me.
i need some people more than anything, and they don't even know it.
if i show this to you, i want you to care.
please, i need you to care...