14A/N:
My hands are stained with the blood of many. Men, women, even children- many of which were undeserving of their fates... I've killed hundreds, but not once have I so much as batted an eye in doing so. Such is the life I lead... the life I was given; the lives I take only sustain this existence.
I haven't always had to kill. Long ago, in a distant past which I can hardly remember, my hands were clean. My homeland was at peace, aswas I. This was a time that can only now exist within my memory. Sometimes, I question whether that time ever truly existed at all. Perhaps this time of peace is only a fabrication, forged from my mind's desires. I don't want to kill anymore. I only want peace.
My heart sank with dread. A thick layer of sweat ran down my forehead. Panic took its toll. I had been told something I was not yet ready to hear. These were words I never wanted to hear, but I knew they had o eventually come.
It was the day my services were no longer needed.
On this day, I had become obsolete. The peace I sought had finally caught up with me. My peace would be forced upon me. There was no choice about it, no matter my feelings, I have to go through with it. I must agree, and I must receive my peace.
The news came suddenly, I had just completed the second of my five daily prayers when I was approached. At first, recognition eluded me, but then I realized: this was my final burden.
Time for my final kill was approaching fast. My final, everlasting peace would soon be at hand, but I didn't want it. Not like this. I wasn't ready for my peace, but I'd get it anyway. My eyes cannot help but water at the very thought.
It was unusually hot. My assigned day, the final kill. Thick waves of sweat cascaded down my brow; my eyes were burning. I knew it had to be done, but my body rejected it. Down to the last fiber, the whole of my being refused. My every advancing motion required all of the willpower I could muster. I couldn't believe it had come to this.
Much like my very first kill, fear and hesitation overwhelmedme. I tremble, for the first time in years, pondering how it got this way. I remember how eager, how foolish I once was. When the time cam, I jumped at the opportunity to defend my way of life. But now this?
No. I must not leave room for doubt. I mustn't second-guess myself. As I continue forward, I allow no other thoughts to enter my mind. The only thing that matters is my task at hand. Just like any other mission- only this time, my fate would be certain. The city entered my field of vision. This was different. I began, once more, to dread what I knew would be coming. Once again, doubt had flooded my mind.
All around me, the streets were awash with life. Lives, which I had no choice but to end. People, rushing to and fro, children desperately clinging to their parents. Everyone was going on with their normal, everyday routines. My goal was to interrupt that. My mission was to bring an end to this normalcy, no more of this bustling life. My doubts began to overwhelm me. I became even more unsure of my task.
What if it was all a lie? Would that make their deaths meaningless? What would that make... no.That thought was too repulsive to allow. No matter what, that thought couldn't finish itself in my mind.
My head was spinning. A swirling vortex of endless doubts. This doubt plagued my mind and despair claimed my heart. It began to take over, this negativity and regret. I fell to my knees, and prayed. Not so much prayer, as begging. I asked God for answers, asked for forgiveness, if what I was doing was right. Any kind of answer would do. And it all became clear. I rose to my feet.
The answer I had seeked had been delivered to me. I was sure that whatI was about to do was right. My task was a necessity, my resolve returned.
I began top search my surroundings. A place teeming with life. The most crowded place this city could muster. That was what I needed to unload my burden.
The market? No,that damage would be mostly collateral. To my left? A Public Bus would be arriving soon. No, too much could go wrong there. I need to keep things simple. In order for maximum fatalities, I need to keep searching.
Eventually, I found myself wandering the city. Half-dazed, searching for the perfect spot, the ideal moment to proceed with my task. My burden was growing heavier. Almost to the point where I could no longer stand it. My palms grew sweaty. My eyes dart quickly from side to side. I discovered my place to unload.
Town square. The centre of all things nearby. Circular in design, with stores caging the atmosphere. An open-air restaurant sat directly to my right. A young couple were having their lunch, a business meeting at another table, further back. A waiter on break at another, with a second taking orders at yet another table. Ahead of me, lay a sea of life- with people rushing about in all directions.
A merchant, peddling his wares. Several small children, racing between people, playing some childish game. Their innocence struck me, removing the bonds of resolution I worked so hard to form. Hesitation returned to my mind, bringing doubt along with it.
The heat had become noticeable once more. Almostas though the sun were taunting me. The heat was much worse this time, and my burden, heavier.
I couldn't tolerate things any longer. My hand reached for the handle, to finally complete this task.
My hand was trembling. My thumb shot up, and my hand clasped around. My arm went numb, but I fought through the hesitation. Visions opf my past began to haunt me.
A blood-drenched bullet riddled history caught up tome, all at once. It was too much to bear. My thumb slammed downwards, a single tear ran down my cheek. I wept for the innocence lost. My innocence, lost the moment I first picked up a gun. The innocence of those before me, lost in much the same way. But most of all, I weep for the innocence of all those who would come after me, meeting their demise at their own hands, in an attempt to bring as many as possible along with them.
At the pressof a button, my existance was no more. I had recieved my peac, and I prayed for all those who came before, and would come after. I wantedpeace for all, and in that moment, I granted it to myself, and many others.
A/N: Sorry about that, but I decided to keep this as a series ofoneshots, after-all... Thank-you for reading.