you think I'm healed

you think I'm fine

well every time I sleep

every time I wake

every time I eat

every time I take time out of my crazy day

I remember where he is

I remember why he's there

and I crumble

perhaps I've learned to do it silently

perhaps I've learned to conceal when I weep

but I don't forget

I must recall

the days before

I need to live

the days after

I stand before the bed and I remember

I turn to face the wall and I remember

the paintings know his name

the mirrors know his face

and I can't escape from my prison of grief

this silence is more complete than any quarrel

this isolation

more full than the hole

don't you see I'm not okay

doesn't anybody see I'm not all right

how can I be all right

how can I be all right?

yesterday I stood before the grave

I heard the music but it did not penetrate my soul

the darkness is covered but it's not driven out

the light is only enough to sustain me

until I too

may join the ranks of the dead