2thank for reading and all hope u like it
Wow, I can not believe I chose to go back to school. The place I hate the most. I must really, really like Blake. Otherwise you would never catch me making this decision. I mean never.
"Mom, Blake said he would pick me up and drop me off. I will be fine. don't worry. I am a big girl, now. I might be blind, but I will survive." Only if Blake is with me. There is something that I didn't tell you about Blake. He is a total birdbrain and athlete. Really big athlete. I am talking, like star athlete type. Not football captain, but close. He is the top running athlete that we have had in twelve years. Yeah, that big.
I usually try to stay away from really big athletes and all, but he is just plain nice and sweet. It isn't my fault. He isn't those cocky jocks. He is the sweet, talks to everyone type jock. Except me until now.
"Kelderly, Blake is here." Damn. I don't want to lose my hearing, too. "Mom, I am right next to you. I am not deaf. Yet. People in China heard you. Do me a favor and take some chill pills before I come home. Please and thank you"
"So, Kel, how was your night?" Not really a normal question you ask a blind person. Even though he knows perfectly well what I did last night. He stayed till ten thirty at night. Who stays at a girls house that late when we aren't dating? Seriously, I mean I am not complaining or anything like that, but come on. Who does that?
I don't answer him until we get in his Convertible, "Why, you should know, shouldn't you Blake? I mean you only spent what, twelve hours at my house? That one might just be a giver. Just try not to point out the obvious." I am doing it again. He knows that I don't mean him, personally, just that I am tired and stressed out. I am all the time, though. But he wouldn't have known that, 'cause he never talked to me before. I wonder why? No, truly I do.
"Are you really that sick of me? I know I can get on peoples' nerves, it's just that I thought you liked me. Or that's what you said yesterday." Dammit, I didn't mean to hurt his feeling. I thought he knew that I was always this way.
"What, don't be like that, please. I don't mean anything by it. It is just a bad habit. Ask anyone. It isn't you, just me. And no I am not tired of you, yet. So give it up. For me, at least?" Again, I find myself surprised every time my mood changes on me so quickly. And, again a surprise, only for Blake.
"It's so hard to stay mad at you or to even be mad at you. Especially when you are in such a predicament. And when you are in love with that person." If it wasn't for my newly developed ears I wouldn't have heard the last sentence. I care for him a lot but I can not handle him loving me in that way. I don't want to hurt him, dammit. I didn't want to give him that big of the wrong idea.
I put my head in my hands and I feel tears rolling down my cheeks after a minute of a completely awkward silence moment in the car. I had to break it. "Please, please don't say that. I like you a lot but I can't say it. I may never be able to say it, to anyone. I understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again. You could just tell me the way to the nearest bus stop and not have to talk to me again." I just noticed that I was sobbing and I don't think he understood a word I said. I hope he did because I can't handle saying it again.
"DO you want me to lie to your face." Not that I would notice anyways. "I thought you weren't that type of girl. What happened to the girl who is honest that I have learned to love? And I thought that you liked honesty not liars?" Now I am a damn type. What the hell? I hate being a type and he doesn't even know me. At least not the real me.
"And I'll always love you. Even if you don't…." cough, cough "um… feel the same way about me." How in Hell's name can he say that? I like him and all but give me a damn break. At least every now and then?
"Blake, I like you and all, but I don't feel that way. I mean, come on, yesterday all we did was sit on my bed and criticize music. I don't want you to love me." I know I just broke his heart and I am sorry but I had to. And a clean brake is better that a shattered one, right? I got that one out of a book too. Ah man, I can even hear his sharp intake of breathe. It sounds like I just slapped him across the face or punched him in the gut. I probably did. At least with my last sentence.
"Why?" Out of all the words we have ever shared, this was the most emotional one ever spoken or heard by either of us. It took me what seemed like forever for me to figure out the answer to his question that just killed me.
"I don't want either of us to get hurt." And I thought he stuttered a lot yesterday, but I guess I can always be more surprised than I already am. "I learned a long time ago that if I am not close to anyone, no one but myself can be hurt. Besides, I don't give a damn about my personal health, so it truly didn't matter. I've cause too many cuts and bruises to make any more mistakes like that again." Fuck. that's the most I have ever told anyone in my entire life and I have to start by telling him. And Dammit, I hate talking and look what I am doing. Talking. About my life. That one I have tried to keep from every one. Everyone. Else. And he was my biggest crush and I spill my guts to him. Damn me.