Chapter 3

Green-eyed Suicide

I didn't even look at Spit for the first few minutes. And yet he was still talking. I didn't listen. I inspected the room. It was small, I wasn't exaggerating. There was one bulb in the ceiling but the room was disproportionately light. On each side of the room was a small cot, each with simple, gray blankets. None of my stuff was there. On the other side, Spit had staked out his territory. I guess Spit had the normal things, probably. His bag was a green duffel and was lying in the corner, his stuff was already scattered around in a two foot radius. A handheld game of some kind (it was mostly blocked by the other debris) was on and bleeping for some reason. All in all, if I wasn't in denial/ shock I could never have found it so extremely fascinating. But as it was, I was. So I just kept looking around, taking in every single detail. Then I noticed it. It was laid with extreme care on top of everything.

I think it was a bear, but it was hard to tell. Almost all of the fur was rubbed off, and the bead that was the right eye had fallen off. There was a little tear in the leg, which for some reason sported a band-aid, with little bunches of stuffing poking from underneath it. It didn't occur to me at the time to ask why Spit had it, though no self-respecting senior carries around stuffed animals.

"We're not supposed to go out for a bit, but in a week or two Alexei's supposed to start training us to feed. Alexei's job is always-" Spit was practically squealing with delight, and bouncing around the room much in the way a cheerleader moves. He jumped up onto his cot and for the first time since he started the conversation, looked at me. "So what do you think, Kyle?"

Pause. I picked at a tear in the blanket.

"Kyle?" I recognized my name. Just didn't know the question.

"Um… it's… I guess…"

"What's that girl told you?" His question surprised me. Well, we could have been talking about golf for all I knew.

"Huh?"

"Kaela, what's she told you?"

"About what?" Now I was even more lost.

"Us! The vampires?"

"Well, she was…" Well what did he expect me to say? Her mood was like a see-saw. I couldn't get anything useful out of it.

"Don't believe her. That girl's messed up. She won't talk to anyone. She practically bit Melissa today. Look, I'm just warning you man. Don't believe her. She's depressed or schizophrenic or something."

I didn't answer. There wasn't anything to say. I could have argued with him, I liked her. And she didn't actually get to saying anything. But I was still in denial/shock mode, and found watching the stuffed bear much more interesting. I didn't notice Spit had left the room.

There's nothing like denial/shock to make you need an escape. I watched the stuffed bear in the light of the flickering bulb. And slowly closed my eyes.

"What is it, Angelo?" a bored voice asked. Subconsciously, I thought Dameon. Consciously I thought 'Shut up. More sleep.'

"It's Kyle. I think he's dead," Spit said from beyond the door. They were coming closer.

"How?"

"He's just lying there. Like he's asleep."

"That's impossible, Angelo," Dameon didn't seem to care much. He sounded annoyed to have been called out there.

"I know!" Spit actually seemed worried. The door opened with a swooshing noise and even if I didn't open my eyes, I knew they were inside.

"See!" Spit cried, "look."

"He's… he's awake." Dameon poked me hard in the ribs and I flinched. "See? Don't panic next time, Angelo." With a dismissive smirk in his voice, Dameon's footsteps crossed the room. The door opened with a stereotypic creak, then slammed. There was silence for a moment.

"Don't do that man." I opened my eyes and Spit was leaning over me.

"Do what exactly?" I had just taken a nap, what's the big deal?
"Fake dead like that. You scared me, man. Don't do that."

In my mind I put a few pieces together, but not everything. Spit had just stopped breathing heavily and walked to his side of the room. I resolved to ask my mental questions to Kaela later, and let Spit calm down. My rational reaction struck me as even stranger given half the things Spit said made me want to claw his eyes out.

From there the afternoon was uneventful. Spit realized I hadn't packed anything, and decided to do me a huge favor of tracking down clothes. Then Noam made a big deal that he was only lending me clothes, and went into a weird rant about giving them back after they'd raided my house for my things. Apparently they were intending to do this during their next 'feeding'. I shuddered as I changed into Noam's not-bloody shirt and tried not to think about it.

It was set that they would feed in twelve days, and if Spit could learn in that time, he would accompany them. No one even asked if I should. I had spent the last 192 hours in a semi-conscious fit of depression. I lay on the bed, occasionally thinking vaguely that I should change clothes, or shower, or something, but I never roused myself. Spit left me alone, I vaguely recall him talking outside the door with Noam and Melissa a lot, and even Kaela gave up after one try to get a response out of me. Neither Alexei nor Dameon even came near the room. Melissa and Noam came in for a second with Spit, but didn't look at me.

Images just kept swimming in my mind. Pictures of Paul, and my house, and the sun. Everything I couldn't have; couldn't even see. I didn't cry; I had sort of numbed myself so I could stay there, on the bed, without screaming or tearing into Spit or Kaela. But as it was, I just sat there, not completely sure I was awake.

"Come on, Kyle, I give up waiting for you. You are getting out of bed NOW!" Kaela grabbed my arm and pulled me roughly up, but I didn't resist. It surprised me that she had shown up at all, it had been six days since she visited. "I get it, your life sucks. So does mine, get used to it. And get up. Sheesh, take a shower, you still smell like your own blood."

"Like you care," I retorted emotionless.

"I don't like it any more than you. Just because I drink it doesn't mean I enjoy it. Now get. You're acting like a sponge."

I gave up resisting. Admittedly, the shower was just a tap behind a curtain at the end of the hallway, but it felt good to wash the rest of the fetid, caked blood off. And the water was nice. I would have stayed there for a lot longer, had I not heard Melissa not started banging on the wall.

"That's better, isn't it?" Kaela asked, prompting me into a conversation once I was seated at the card table in the first room. "Isn't it, Kyle?"

I didn't respond. I wasn't in the mood.

"Come on, Kyle, work with me. How are you?"

Silence.

Kaela gave up and walked out just as Alexei came in and sat silently in the corner, watching. That became the routine, for days. Kaela would force me from my bed for a time and I would listen to her, and she would beg me to speak, and she would give up, and someone else would come into the room and just sit there, silent, watching. I barely wondered why. Eventually Kaela might return, and if not, I would rouse myself eventually to return to my bed. I didn't sleep. Apparently I didn't need to. So I just lay there, hour after hour, not exactly angry or sad, just there. There…

…

…

…

…

"Noamy, honey, you're not really wearing that, are you?"

"Come on Melissa, it doesn't matter."

"Oh yes it does, how do expect to get anyone to follow you away from a crowd if you're wearing that?"

"That's not part of the plan. You know-"

I saw them through the open crack in the door. Melissa was wearing even less than that time I had a spoken with Spit and Jessica Bradford. How long ago was that…?

It took me a few minutes to get past my memories and realize what they were discussing. To realize twelve days were up already. That it was time.

I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of them, of Kaela, with her face dripping with blood and buried in the skin of a dying man. Then I realized Spit would be there too.

There's no denying that despite everything, a hate for Spit still burned inside of me. But the image of him, watching the rest and waiting for them to call on him to try, made me feel a spurt of pity for him. Did he plan this? He just seemed clueless for a moment. Did he know what he got himself into?

I roused myself alone for the first time since I came there and ventured out to see the others. The hallway was as narrow and dark as I remembered it, but as I turned out of the hallway and into the main room, it suddenly seemed much, much lighter than I remembered, although as far as I could see there was no bulb or candle or anything. Everyone looked just as shocked as I was that I was up, Spit even choked a little bit when I walked in. But Kaela, I don't think she ever looked so happy.

She leapt up gracefully from her old seat in the corner and if possible, seemed less than completely cynically depressed. I thought I heard her say 'thank god' under her breath, but couldn't be sure.

There was a moment of awkward silence as they stared at me. Finally, Dameon decided what to say. "So, have you come to-" he paused "join the hunt." Alexei raised his head, ready to protest but thought better of it and returned to his still abundant collection of knives.

"No," I said calmly, "No." I waited for their reactions.

Spit's face just blanked when he heard me, and Melissa snorted. Noam didn't seem particularly interested, and Alexei didn't even look up. Dameon was as still as ever. But Kaela actually seemed a little happier.

"Then, what, Kyle," Dameon continued, "Did you intend to do?"

That caught me. I hadn't really thought of anything. It was enough work walking here.

"I-I…"

"I'll stay with him. You know, make sure he's okay," Kaela said without looking at Dameon.

"Yeah, suuuure," Melissa interjected.

"Oh?" Kaela inquired viciously.

"You think I haven't noticed? Aww… how cute."

Kaela glared at Melissa intensely, so that it looked like lasers would come out of her eyes at any moment. To my surprise, I was angry and I was glaring too. And I didn't stop, I couldn't stop.

It was dangling around her neck. And physically I could not tear away. It was a little jewel and a chain, a green thing. But it was shining and bright, a star dangling between her breasts. Its infinite dimensions filled my mind and I couldn't stop staring.

Noam snapped his fingers between my eyes. "Don't get any ideas, man, she's mine." And as if to reaffirm that he kissed her lightly on the cheek. She giggled just a little too loudly.

"Take it easy, Noam. It's his first time." I wondered what that meant as she twirled the necklace between her fingers. "Really captivates ya, don'tcha think?" She laughed again. "Really captures your attention. Bit extra, for when I'm just too tired to really do anything." I didn't get it at first, but Noam was chuckling, so it couldn't be good. Then it hit me.

It was a hunting weapon. Strike the prey dumb; don't give it even a fighting chance. And then… I shook my head so I couldn't complete the story.

"That aside," Dameon began, "Kaela will stay with Kyle." And the conversation was over; even Melissa knew to shut up. Finally, Noam tried again to ask a question.

"What about the… um… the…" he mumbled something that sounded like 'make-out' but probably wasn't, given the context.

"That," Dameon said, "is still in effect. Kaela," he walked to her and whispered something in her ear. Something flashed across her face but I didn't have time to see what it was before she wiped her expression clear and nodded.

Without speaking Dameon opened the door and stepped out into the night. The others followed silently, even Spit looked nervous. And then the door was shut and they were gone. I looked over at Kaela and she smiled a little bit, with a happiness that seemed so wrong following the encounter with the necklace. I felt a flame rising in my throat.

"So… what now, Kyle?" Kaela asked with her head cocked to one side.

"Um…well" I stuttered, her calmness making me go blank suddenly.

"Come on! We have three nights here. Think of something!"

"Three?"

"Oh!" she gasped, and stared at me for a second, "Um, Alexei didn't explain?" Then she answered herself, calmly again, "of course he didn't, you've been bedridden, Jesus Kaela, way to go. Um, yeah. So, they can't hunt near here, because people would, you know, notice if everyone dies in a five mile radius. So they travel the first night to another major city, hunt the next night, come back the third." She said this so nonchalantly, much like she was saying, "oh yes, that assignment was difficult, rather, but I did appreciate being able to use a calculator." Of course, inside me, my stomach had plummeted down to my feet and was now flip-flopping around and around.

"Uh- uh…"

"I'm sorry Kyle," but she only looked sympathetic for a moment, because she seemed just so perky that they were gone. "But let's talk about something else, okay. Where were we last time?"

My head was clearing rapidly, though the horror lingered, until I could actually think and speak coherently, and of course, that led to inevitable sarcasm. "You yelled at me to 'say something! For God's sake say anything!'"

"Yeah, umm… where did we leave off before that? The storage room time."

I searched my brain for a second. To my surprise I remembered it very well. "You asked what I knew about vampires. I didn't really know anything."

She paused, and tapped her chin lightly without looking at my eyes. "Okay…" She was silent again, and then quietly, too quietly, said, "You ask a question."

I thought carefully about what to ask, but nothing seemed calm, or decent enough to. Watching them go off to hunt, everything in my mind was about blood. Everything had to do with it. Eventually though, I found one that seemed less gruesome. "So, have often do you guys have to… feed?"

"Well, you see it depends. We can't go hunting all that often. The six, no seven, now, of us could kill almost a hundred in one night. And sometimes you get out there, and its hard to control yourself, and you suck a lot of people dry, for no reason," she looked up again and noticed that my face was frozen in a horrified position. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have admitted just how terrified, how repulsed, how angry that could make me, but now, it didn't seem important to even think about hiding what that did to me. Kaela looked down at her feet and inhaled deeply before continuing. "But the longer you go without hunting, the harder it is to stop yourself, and then many more could die. I-" she looked up at me, pleading, "but then it's the hunger talking, Kyle, really. It's not us, it's the hunger. We have to Kyle, it's survival."

"Well, why can't you feed off of- pigeons or something?" I shook her shoulders violently, even though I didn't quite know why I did it.

"It doesn't work that way, Kyle!" she screamed.

"Why not? Why can't it work that way? Or is human blood just worth more than pigeon."

She recoiled in my grip, and then almost inaudibly said, "To rank blood Kyle, that's a bad idea in itself." She had a pitiful quiver in her voice and in the half darkness I saw her shiver.

I froze but didn't let go of her shoulders. Kaela gently shrugged my hands off, although I had been holding on with all my strength. I let my arms fall. She looked pitiful now. I had never seen her take on such a submissive, helpless role. I was going to change the subject, honestly, or I was going to get her a chair or something, but then one question hit my mind and I couldn't get rid of it.

"Kaela," I said as gently as possible, "What did Dameon mean? What plan is in effect?"

"It's not important," she breathed, still quivering.

"What is it Kaela?"

She mumbled the same thing Noam had, but now it sounded like 'fake-out'.

"What is it Kaela?" I repeated.

And with spite in her voice she replied, "Take-out."

I didn't understand her for a second. I was picturing Chinese food. But then I understood it. They were bringing someone back. Alive. For later. Here.

They'd want me to drink, too. That's why they wanted it, since I couldn't come but I had to feed. I wouldn't. I couldn't. I backed away from Kaela and ran to then only place I could think of. Dameon's closet. The storage room. Kaela didn't follow yet.

As I passed through Dameon's room I noticed only one difference. The sconces in the wall were lit now. Without thinking, I pulled one off the wall. I opened the door to the back room. Bits of paper fluttered as the door opened and the whole room seemed to sway a little bit with the movement. In a sudden fit of panic I was ready. I chucked the fire in.

It didn't catch at first, and there was a lull as I ran back and forth, yanking out more of the lights from the wall and slowly burning the room. Footsteps echoed through the empty hallway. She was coming. Good, she should see this.

Kaela entered the room, looking just as pathetic in her deformed body. But the light of the fire and the look of surprise on her face gave a truly terrible look to her. And yet, even as I stepped backward into the flame, there was a guilt in me, because despite everything she couldn't help anything.

I waited for the pain. To burn, anything. I stood rooted in the fire, and yet I was fine. No pain. Nothing. I looked up at Kaela for an explanation and all I saw was her eyes. They were a pale green. I hadn't noticed that before. And they were watering. Tears were actually streaming down her face. I didn't know vampires could cry. And I didn't want to watch.

I sprinted from the flames, running through the building. Kaela hesitate a moment before following me, but that was all I needed. At first I had been intending to go to my room, and sink back into depression, but they I passed the windows. Just wood separated me from escape. And Alexei said I could easily break it. I charged.

The wood snapped as I broke it, but I didn't feel the shards digging into my skin like I should have. I was outside. The smell of the night air burned my nose after days of being inside. I had forgotten what was out there. Running faster than ever before I was around a corner and far away before Kaela even reached the window. Alone, and desperate, I ran into the night.