Three hours later found me in Dianna's kitchen eating. I know its weird for me, but I had some crazy munchies after smoking so much weed. Can anyone say six grams? And Meg didn't even smoke.

"Kiss pookie," I giggled and gave Darry a shove.

"If I can't pull it off you definitely can't," he laughed back. If anything could unwind Darry and take him out of his poet emo shell, it was drugs.

"Shut up, I could so be Maureen from Rent!"

"No, kido your better than Maureen, you're my girlfriend!" laughed Punk, and grabbed me from around the waist. I dropped the spoon I had been digging into a tub of ice cream with a yelp. I started yelling and we stuck out our tongues at each other. We started spitting at each other then, the kind of spit you do with you tongue.

Jake and Dianna joined in then, and someone pulled out whipped cream. I wrenched myself out of that mess. I might have been high, but no so much that I would destroy my clothes. Punk ended up covered. He sat there happily licking it off himself like a cat while Jake and Dianna hooked up.

I glanced over at Darry, and there was a strange look in his eyes as he watched them. They hooked up from time to time, nothing new, so what was the look?

To tell the truth everything that happened then is fuzzy, but you get the idea. It was happy and giggly. Meg is always kinda left out when we smoke, but if she doesn't want to its her choice. She has a fun enough time watching us be dumb.

Then came the first day of school. I went through first and second period in my daze, just taking down some notes, and blocking out everything other people said.

Until third period. Spanish.

Okay so, I put off learning a language for a very long time. I need two credits of it if I want to get into collage so I really had to take it this year. It was comprised of mostly freshman, a few sophomores, and almost no juniors. No senior would bother taking Spanish 1.

To be honest, it was just me and a kid named Bradley in junior year. We sat in the back. I had gotten there first, and he had picked the seat next to me.

"Hey," he greeted sitting down. I looked up at him, with what must have been a stunned look on my face. No one ever talked to me.

"Hi," I muttered back. I didn't trust him. He was probably waiting for me to take my guard down for him to be mean. That way I would look even more stupid, and it would hurt more.

"I'm Bradley, you might be?" he told me, smile only fading a bit at my weak reply.

"Stellar. Nice to meet you," I didn't sound convincing at all. It was most definitely not nice to meet him. I don't like meeting people, or even really talking to anyone other than my friends, let alone this kid.

"How come I don't know you?" he asked in a slightly sleazy tone.

"I don't normally talk to people, and if anyone does try I end up shutting them down in the first five minuets," I snarled. I didn't take well to sleaze, and him being friendly with me would make it harder for me to stay in my daze during school anyways.

"Whoa there, listen darling, try and play nice for a change, why don't you?" he laughed. He wasn't worried by my reply. I was impressed by his nerve.

"I tend to bite, sorry no ones gotten the muzzle yet," I warned.

"Kittycat, I like the rough stuff," he oozed. Gross.

I turned my head away from him as the teacher entered the room. I think that's when things started changing for me. People started talking to me, at least a few guys. Two other guys talked to me that day, which is less than normal for most people, but for me, it was weird as shit. I was starting to freak out a little.

"Darry, people keep talking to me," I moaned as I caught up with him walking home.

"Really? Should I alert the press? Preps being human to Emos? I smell death in our futures."

"Yeah something like that. What about you?" I asked quickly. Please let it not just be me. If all went well people were just more friendly this year to the emo kids.

"Um, no? People never talk to me," he told me, giving me a sidelong look.

"Fuck, what do you think it is?" I said franticly. I started tugging on my Death Cab For Cutie shirt nervously.

"Probably your date with the Quarterback. In fact, I'm sure. It's kinda a big deal for those kids in the social order."

My face went deep red with embracement. I should have thought of that.

"So you think he told people?" I asked. Darry shrugged and kept walking. I sighed and told him I was going to stop by Jake's house before I went home.

That was when the lying started.

I ran back to the school as fast as my feet would carry me. Truth be told it wasn't that fast. I smoked to much and after a bit it felt like I had bruises on the insides of my lungs.

When I there I found myself doing something I had never dreamed of. I was actually watching football practice.

The girls started whispering to each other as I passed them on the bleachers. I walked up to the very top and sat there all by myself. I couldn't tell Darry I was doing this, he wouldn't understand. He would think I was trying to be something I'm not, because I was "pleased with the attention". Or something like that.

I watched the girls for a while. It took me some time, but finally I realized something. I had entered their world, come onto there territory, and if I didn't cancel the date, I wouldn't be able to get out. I wouldn't be able to stay in my daze, I wouldn't be able to block them out. I was going to turn into a target.

I sat there thinking and not really watching the practice, until she sat down. My Bitch Alert went off.

"Hey, Stella is it?" she asked. She was watching me carefully, taking note of my ever move.

"Stellar, you are?" I replied absently. I didn't want this girl to think I cared at all that she was talking to me.

"Oh you know, just your new mans sweetheart," she told me coolly, flipping her hair a bit. My head snapped up. I took a good look at the girl I would later refer to as monster. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes, huge boobs, skinny in a good way (in other words, not in the way I was skinny) and one of the prettiest faces I'd even seen.

"I don't have a man, sorry," I snapped. I could tell she was the "it" girl. All the other girls were watching us and whispering.

"You're dating him darling," she said sweetly.

"That's all. He's not my man. It's a single date."

"Do you realize that he hasn't dated since I dumped him?" she snarled, dropping her fake light tone.

"No, but it really doesn't bother me. Anyways, don't you have cheer practice?" I asked her. She wasn't in uniform but I knew she had to be a cheerleader.

"I twisted my ankle. What are you dumb as shit? Everyone knows that. It happened same night Jarred and I broke up in fact."

"Cool beans, I think your friend is calling for you, why don't you go talk to them. I'm sure they would enjoy it just a tad more than me," I lied. She knew I had but left with another flip of her hair anyways. She never even gave me her name.

I was turning myself into a target alright. That's when I decided what I was going to do next. Everything is worth a shot, especially when your life's in the gutter to start.

When practice ended Jarred skipped over the monster and came right for me. He seemed to start glowing when he saw me.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd come here," he gasped, out of breath from practice.

"Let's do something. Go shower or whatever, then we can go to your house," I told him. I was determined to make that bitch squirm, watching us leave together. That and a few other things.

Jarred stared at me, mouth slightly open. His eyes were calculating. It wasn't as weird a look as it seems.

"Okay, I'd like that," he said at last. I let out a breath of relief. He left to shower and promised he would be back in just a little bit.

I had always craved love, probably because I didn't get any at home. If this guy was as big of a deal as he is made out to be I might be able to date him. I wasn't so sure I could love him at that point. I didn't know him well enough.

"So, what do you want to do at my house?" Jarred asked kindly as we sat in his car.

"Uhh, movie? I don't know," I told him truthfully. I hadn't thought about that part of it.

"Okay, I have an idea," he said with smile.

"Um, alright. Hey, let's turn on the radio," I muttered. It was kinda awkward to be with him. I turned the dial off his normal station to my favorite station. The end of Smooth Criminal by Anthology was on.

"You know what I think?" he asked


"I think I've been hit a smooth criminal. She comes in the form of a cute emo girl," he told me laughing slightly.

"Yeah, well, you know what I think? I think you're cheesy," I whined. Smooth Criminal ended then and Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sarah came on. The song was a bit heavy for the mood in the car, seeing who I was with and all, so I started switching it back to the station Jarred had had on. He caught my hand with a smile and shook his head.

Look me in the eye and tell me you'll find me attractive.
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go.
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love.
Look me in the heart and un-break broken, it won't happen.

"Well?" I asked him. I watched him carefully. I had meant have you heard enough of the song, but he didn't take it that way.

"I can look you in the eye and tell you I'll find you attractive. That I won't go. And if we loved, it would be like no love."

Only looking back do I notice he said nothing about breaking my heart.

"How can you say that when you barely know me?" I asked him. He pulled the car over and turned to look at me.

"No. This is the start of something bigger, at least I hope. I know it's weird of me to say so early on, but I know you. I've wanted to know at least, so badly, for so long. Ever since freshman year. I knew something was happening in your life then, and I wanted to help, but you were pushing everyone away… I suppose you were always my secret crush, and now… I want to know if you will let me be there for you. I'd rather be upfront with you right from the start, and not drag this out and have it end badly,"

I looked at him for a long time after that. I had barley spoken to him all that time, but he had been there for me if I would let him? The "it" boy?

"How do I know your not lying? That you don't feed every girl a line like this?" I asked him.

"Because if I was lying, my heart wouldn't be beating nearly as fast." His eyes met mine and for the first time I felt like I looked all wrong. My hair was four colors, and how could he take me seriously when I look the way I do? How could I be intense when I look like a spaz.

"I'm willing to give you a shot on one condition," I said after a while. He watched me intently.

"Don't tell your friends, or that blonde girl, uh…" I went on.

"Massie, gez, I'm so fucking sorry bout that. I saw her talking to you, and really, I don't want her to hurt you," he groaned.

"Yeah, then just don't tell anyone about us dating or whatever, I don't want to be dragged into her bullshit," I told him.

"Sure, that's fine. That's great in fact," he laughed a bit and gave me a quick hug. He stated the car again and got back on the road.

"You know, I think that's all the emotion I can take for one day, wanna just take me home?"

"I don't wanna but I will. I had something fun in mind for my house, but we'll do that another day, promise?"


When I got home my mom was cooking, and my dad was out working.

"Hey, what's for dinner?" I asked her pleasantly.

"Um, I'm just making something for myself. I thought you were going to be out," my mom replied. I smiled at her and nodded. It wasn't like I really wanted some food anyways.

As I walked up the stairs my cell went off.

"Hello?" I said into it.

"You didn't go to Jakes today," Darry's voice was clam. "So what were you up to darling?"

"Oh, I just… you know," was all I could think of. I didn't want to lie to Darry, but I didn't want to tell him what had happened. For the first time his feelings for me were going to get in the way.

"No I don't, I called Jake and asked him what you all were doing and I went to your house to chill and you weren't home," he sounded slightly puzzled. He trusted me to much to expect a thing.

"I just ended up taking a walk to be honest. I needed to clear my head, because well, things could be changing."

"You think things are going to change because of one date?" Darry sighed. I could tell he was sick of the Jarred already. He thought I was being foolish.

"No, not that. Just stuff at home and such. I'm hitting year three of Ben being gone, maybe things could get better," I moaned. I stepped into my room and greeted Hobo, my cat.


"Don't call it bull, let me hope," I sighed. I didn't want to stay on the phone with him, it required me lying to much. "Look, I'm going to go take a shower now, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Fine. Bye," Darry snapped and hung up. I shook my head sadly. I wish I didn't have to do this, but if I wanted to keep Darry and I on good terms I couldn't say what I had done today.

Friday found me watching this girl in my Spanish class talk to some guy. She was one of the few people I paid attention to.

She was the most shockingly beautiful girls I have ever seen. Her hair was cut into this really intense bob, and was bleach blonde and hot pink. All I ever see her do is be a bitch.

Some of the things she comes up with makes me laugh, so I watch her from time to time.

Her name is Tera. She has never said a word to me, she just glares. I don't take it to heart, she glares at everyone.

I was in the middle of watching her tell some guy it was her purpose in life to destroy his self esteem when I got sent down to office.

I wondered the halls for a good ten minuets before finally walking into the office.

"Are you Stellar Miller" asked the secretary.

"Yes," I told her.

"The principle wants to see you. He can take you right away," she replied.

I was so puzzled. I hadn't even skipped yet, let alone something bad enough to have to deal with Mr. Gruper.

I went in and I knew why I was there in an instant.

The monster sat across from him, two girls on ether side of her.

"Sit," Mr. Gruper commanded.

"Sir?" I replied. The only seat left was the uncomfortable, un cushioned one. I planted my butt in it and shot the girls a purely evil look.

"Would you like to tell me what you called Ms. Keller this morning?" he snapped back. Whoa, chill out.

"Um? I didn't talk to her this morning," I replied. This was bad. Really bad. Which one of these three was even Ms. Keller?

"Yes well, Ms. Keller, has two witnesses. I think I have your story girls, if you would leave…wait not you Ms. Keller."

The blonde girl sat down, and proceeded to break into tears, yowling about how I called her a skank, a whore, an ugly bitch. She almost convinced me it had happened, and I was forgetting some huge part of my life, like I was sick or something. She was that good. I got detention, and I had to go to some damn peer consular. Great.

"OHMYGOD! YOU WILL NO WEAR THAT!" screamed Punk. I winced. I thought I looked kinda good.

Lets face it, I will never be a knock out. My hair is black, red, purple and blue. I am way too skinny, and not in a good way. I'm pretty flat.

I will admit I have a cute butt. It's not the big sexy thing black guys rap about, but its little and perky. Cute is the only way to describe it.

I was wearing an over-sized Escape The Fate shirt, grey skinny jeans, Misfits Vans, and a zebra striped studded belt.

"What?" I asked hurt filling my voice.

"I like the belt, but the rest has to change," he told me as kindly as he could mange. He failed utterly and sounded like some crazy mother.

"Fine, you dress me," I snapped. He grinned and ran to my closet. I started to reread Catcher in The Rye.

"Do you have a light?" I asked, pulling a pack of Newports from my bedside table.

"You can't smoke before you go! Your breath will be all stinky!" he replied, shocked.

"It's not like I'm trying to impress him. You're the one making a big deal out of this," I lied. I really did want to impress Jarred, but I needed something to calm my nerves.

Punk made an uncommitted grunt. I rolled my eyes at his back and got up to try and find a lighter. It wasn't like I would kiss him or anything.

"This!" Punk yelped. I had been emptying out my favorite The Hush Sound bag when he did this.

"Um…" I replied not looking up. I was so sure I had left a lighter in there…

"Stellar!" he cried.

"Yeah, one sec," I growled, finally finding a lighter. I turned to him and lit up my cigarette.

"Well?" he whined.

"Uhh, well," was all I could think of to say. I took a long drag, and let the smoke spill out as I spoke. "It's… I'll wear it."

"You hate it!" Punks voice came out pained. He had hoping for me to drop to my knees and question him endlessly on how he thought of something so great.

The outfit consisted of a blue short sleeved zip up sweatshirt with pixilated robots all over it. He had put pins on the front pocket that said things like "Hasselhoff saved my life!" with a picture of David Hasselhoff from his Baywatch days. The shirt to go under it was a green The Academy Is… thing. The jeans were dark and skinny, but had gapping holes in them, pulled together with safety pins. My unicorn converse finished it off. It was pretty cool. I suppose.

"Not hate, just… I thought it would be something to blow my mind," I told him. I knew Punk was still a little kid at heart and he would take it as if I had slapped him. I didn't care, I was too nervous for tonight.

"Oh, and some plastic rings, and maybe a ton of plastic bracelets, like with funky colors and skulls," he tried. The poor guy's eyes were pleading. I decided I shouldn't take it out on Punk if I was scared for tonight.

"Yeah, now that you add that… whoa,"

"What!?" he asked, on edge.

"That's crazy cool," I told him and flashed him my biggest smile. It was better than anything I could come up with. With a crap load of eye-liner, I could look pretty good.

ahh so its donee. well whatda think? everyone who reads this, pleaseee review. i would quite enjoy somefeedback, that way i can improve, you know?


mega man: ha glad you like the people. thanks for the review

Twilight Star: i hope i updated this fast enough, and keep you as a reader.

hybred sweetness: well, there you go, another chappie. hope you like it as much as the last two