In that last second…
Everything's sharp and vivid
Like looking through an unclouded camera lens,
but as things shift back in to dull focus
and I just want it all to end
Why the fates won't just let me die,
Let me slowly sink into myself
I do not know.
Although I do know that its not easy to kill oneself.
Its really just a matter of strength.
Having the ability to not fight the urge within to live.
Example, to not pull yourself from beneath the water,
When your lungs finally empty of all air,
That you not come up gasping for air, each breath cursing that inner weakness.
Not letting yourelf grab at the wall behind you
Whe you know that the drop from the jump between the wall and the roof
Not only the cause of many injuries in childhood, but crosses an electrical river below
And that only as a little child could one survive
for little children feel no pain.
In the dead of winter, fighting human nature to be warm
Exposing yourself to frigid temperaments of Mother Nature
After taking a light shower of ice water
In nothing but a t-shirt and jeans.
Yes, it's all about strength, overcoming that unknown controller of fear.
Sure some say their not afraid to die,
But let's see them try to stay underwater
While their lungs explode, head aches,
Their heart shakes rather than beats
Then let the light all fade to black
Then they can tell me "I'm not afraid to die"
Then again if they succeeded,
they won the battle vs. eternity.
Sometimes I just wish they'd let me die.