A/N: I just want to throw out that this story is really R or M or whatever they rate it on here. So very R/M. We're talking lesbians, cussing, sexual innuendo. All the good stuff! So just be warned. But its also fucking hilarious!

Easy Solutions

by BoarderKC

"This was your bright idea?"


"Don't play that. Your very jealous girlfriend caught you making out with some guy-"

"I was drunk."

"Fine! Your very jealous girlfriend caught you drunkenly making out with some guy at a party and your solution to appeasing her involves me with a hand down your underwear in a dorm room she has a key for."

"The door's locked."

"She has a key!" Nothing. "She's going to kill me."

"It's not that ba-"

"She's. Going. To. Kill. Me."

"Stop being a pussy and put your hand back down there." She pointed with both hands to the open buttons of her jeans. "It felt good." With a burdened sigh the other girl pushed herself off the opposite bed and slipped her fingers inside the waistband of her suitemate's Hello Kitty panties. "Oh yeah." The blonde purred as she held open her jeans. Her head fell back against the headboard she was propped against.

"Don't make those noises."

"Am I turning you on?"

"I like men!"

"That's what she said." She snickered as her suitemate rolled her eyes. "I still fucked her."

Maddie glared, but Vanessa pretended not to notice as she thrust her hips into Maddie's hand. Maddie jumped as if she had been burned and Vanessa squeaked in pain as her underwear snapped back against her skin. "Serves you right, bitch." She grabbed a damp washcloth off the footboard of the bed and wiped her glistening fingers on it.

Vanessa released a small noise of frustration. "Oh damn, Maddie. I'm sorry. Please, don't stop." Her hips thrust again as she smirked.

"Absolutely not."

"Maddie, I'll behave. I promise. Look, I'm begging." She shifted where she lay and grimaced.

"You're such a baby. It's not that bad." Vanessa pouted, all red lips and puppy-dog eyes. Maddie lowered herself back onto the bed. "I like men."

"Got it. You're all about the penis. Shut up and start rubbing, bitch."

Maddie's hand slipped back into Vanessa underwear, face screwed up in disgust. Vanessa let out a deliberate moan. "As soon as were done, I'm going to fuck the first guy that I see."

"This will prove your sexuality." Vanessa's eyes were closed. "I remember your boyfriend saying the same thing the last time he spent the night."

"He did not." With vengeance, Maddie pressed hard into Vanessa's skin and she jerked, gasping. "Remember that, bitch."

"What's going on?"

Maddie jumped, ignoring the sound of Vanessa's underwear snapping and another gasp. An Amazon woman stood in the doorway, leather jacket slung over her shoulder, with dark eyes narrowed on Maddie. "The door wasn't locked," Maddie growled over her shoulder. "Faith, h-hi."

"Hi baby." Vanessa's voice rose strangled from behind Maddie as she grabbed for the bed sheet to pull over her open jeans.

Faith's eyes moved back and forth between Maddie and Vanessa, calculating and angry. Maddie sweated under her gaze. "What the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend?"

"Uh, Faith, it isn't what it looks like." Her fingers glistened in the light of the room and hastily she wiped them on her shorts. "Its not-"

The jacket fell to the floor and Maddie jumped as Faith lunged at her. "Come here, you fence-hopping slut!" Maddie dove under Faith's arm, crashing into the legs of Vanessa's desk with a gasp.

"Faith, stop!" Maddie scrambled to her feet as Faith made a grab for her and on the other side of the room, Vanessa jumped to her feet. "Faith!" Her voice barely rose above Faith and Maddie's yelling as Faith caught Maddie by the front of her shirt. Her fist pulled back and ready to sock the other girl as Vanessa did the first desperate thing she could think of.

The pair gaped at her; Faith's fist still poised and ready for collision with Maddie's face. "Happy birthday, baby." With fingers spread and waving, she gestured to a small line of flesh above a neatly trimmed patch of dark hair. The olive skin as red and irritated underneath a set of black lettering, long, loopy and very permanent.

Maddie dropped unceremoniously to the floor as Faith released her. "Oh baby." Faith's voice rose an octave as she stared at her name etched deeply into Vanessa's skin. Maddie lay very still on the floor, afraid to move, eyes shut tight against the sight of Vanessa half-naked. "You did that for me?"

"Oh yeah, baby. All for you. That other guy didn't mean anything." Maddie tried not to gag at the syrupy sound of their voices. "Maddie was putting some cooling gel on it. Did you know these things hurt like hell?"

Maddie dared to crack open one eye. Faith shielded Vanessa from sight and with a breath of relief, she eased open both eyes. The pair was kissing, oblivious to Maddie on the floor, door wide open and Vanessa's pants pooled around her ankles.

"I'm too straight for this," she grumbled as she lumbered to her feet, kneading the flesh of her back where she had hit the desk legs. "I need to get some hetero roommates."

"It's so hot, baby." There were other words to follow, but they were lost as Vanessa's tongue buried itself in to Faith's mouth. "God, I want you."

"Fuck, don't touch it!"

"You guys make me sick." Maddie turned, eyes focused on the open doorway. "I need to find someone with a cock."

The door slammed against Vanessa's, "Faith has one!"

A/N: I hope you thought this was as fucking funny as I did, because I was cracking up. Hope you enjoyed it. As always review.

And also if you are waiting for the next chapter of Defenses, it is almost done!