-Christopher and Joel-

"This is great. I'm really—"

"You suck. You suck, Tough."

"—get to spend time together, here. All of us. You know, it's—"

"You suck, you suck, you suck you suck you SUCK. My GOD you suck."

"—really wish we'd been able to bring flowers, but next time, I'm sure you'll find it in your heart."

"THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME."

"Why not? This is really healthy—"

"Because I'm going to kill myself."

"I'm so happy you're here with me. It would mean so much to him."

"I'm going to bash my head into this—this um, this headstone so hard. This angel's wings will fall off. And then I'm going to slit my wrists with the broken tips of her wings. You know, how they carve the feathers. And then I'm going to hang myself from her halo."

"So you're suicidal! This is wonderful progress!"

"I AM NOT PROGRESSING."

"Joel, just talk about it. You're finally VISITING HIS—"

"IT IS NOT PROGRESS WHEN I'M HANDCUFFED TO YOU."

"—FIRST TIME In years. I know it's hard—"

"If there's a God, I'll be dead in ten seconds."

"... Look, I know it's hard."

"Strike me down, God. If you're even fucking there."

"You need to face this."

"This proves it. This proves it, Chris. There's no God, we have been forsaken, and we should give up all hope."

"God only kills those who believe in Him."

"Well I guess I'm just doomed then, aren't I."

"... Joel, you can never move on from this point—"

"Why do you think there's a bar right down the street from the cemetery?"

"—like you're seventeen when you just turned twenty-five. It's not regression exactly, but it's something close to it."

"Because, like most normal human beings, mourners get drunk off their asses to move on. I think they have the right idea. Let's go move on."

"Joel, come on."

"Okay, Chris, if you want to cry over your dead brother's grave, nobody's stopping you, just unlock me before I chew my arm off."

"He's not my dead brother, he's your dead twin."

"JESUS CHRIST, CHRIS!"

"You're distancing yourself."

"Leave the psycho crap. I don't want to hear it."

"It'll help you, J."

"We're going now."

"Please."

"We're going now."

"You've been running away since you were seventeen. Aren't you tired of this?"

"... I'm tired of you..."

"Joel."

"What."

"These are trick handcuffs."

"... ... What."

"If you really wanted to leave, all you'd have to do is actually struggle..."

"Oh, you think this means something don't you, you smartass piece of—"

"J, you wanted to come here, admit it."

"I haven't been working out, I have been very busy..."

"If you were really that opposed, you would have broken them in the first five minutes."

"Right. That's what this means. I'm going home."

"Either that, or your bulging biceps mean nothing."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

"You're in denial!"

"YOU CAN'T GET A REAL JOB."

"This is NOT going to go away."

"YOU CAN'T EVEN GET YOUR OWN TALK SHOW, THAT'S HOW SHITTY YOU ARE."

"You're miserable and unhappy!"

"AND YOU'VE NEVER READ A DSM BOOK. GO WATCH SOME DOCTOR PHIL, YOU PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE."

Joel is known also as Joe, Jay, and Douchebag. He has the whole tall dark stranger thing going for him and is totally my type.

Christopher is known as Chris, Tough, and Christ. The Tough thing is ironic, because he's blonde and sensitive. It would be spelled Toph but that's just confusing.