Act One, Scene Six:

Maureen and Darren are on stage, script in hand. Various cast and crew member are bustling about. Markus is in the background, looking particularly angry, watching Maureen and Darren.

DARREN: (glancing at the script) Red, baby, I didn't mean really eat you! What I meant was-

MAUREEN: (glancing at script) I bet that's what you said to Lydia when you ripped her to pieces!

DARREN: I don't want to kill you! Let me prove it!


DARREN: Like this…

Darren leans in to kiss her, but stops when Markus comes charging forward.

MARKUS: Alright, asshole, it's time to settle this!


MARKUS: It's time to take this outside.

DARREN: What the hell is your problem?

MAUREEN: Oh god, Markus, don't start this again.

MARKUS: My problem? My problem? My problem is that I have been pining for you ever since that first day in middle school when you spilled yogurt all over my pants! I've been there for every one of your breakups, picking up the pieces of your broken heart and putting them back together, thinking maybe that you would finally see me as more than just a friend! BUT YOU NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT ME! Not once! The thought never crossed you mind, did it? I'm just Markus, the friend. Markus, the brother. Markus, the fucking doormat! Well, I'm tired of being overlooked. Maureen, I love you. Can't you see that? This creep doesn't appreciate you! I've seen him around, talking it up with other girls, giving them the same sleazy look that he gives you. I even caught him kissing another girl! Maureen, I'm begging you, just give me one chance and ditch this cheating loser. Please, Maureen, please?

There is a moment of silence while everybody is looking at Markus and Maureen.

MAUREEN: You're pathetic.


MAUREEN: You've been pining for me for more than five years and never had the balls to ask me out, or even mention your feelings? And making up all that shit about Darren looking at other women? How pathetic. It's really awful, the way you're on you knees in front of me like a fucking pussy. That's not the way to do it. Markus, you were a good friend- A great friend even. But that's all you'll ever be- a friend. Not even that anymore. I can barely look at you.

The camera goes to Maureen's left, revealing Anna.

ANNA: Maureen, you can't mean that!

MAUREEN: I do though. You guys have known me long enough- I never lie. And I can't stand liars, either. And that's what Markus has been doing since I've met him. He was pretending to be my friend all this time, just to get at me. That's disrespectful.

MARKUS: It was never like that!

ANNA: Maureen, you're not thinking clearly.

MARKUS: Maureen, please-

DARREN: (wrapping an arm around Maureen's waist) I think it's time for you to go.

MARKUS: Fuck off.

MAUREEN: Fine, we'll go. And don't ever fucking talk to me again, Markus. I can't stand liars.

Exit Maureen and Darren. People slowly resume their work elsewhere. Anna approaches Markus.

ANNA: Are you going to be alright?

MARKUS: What do you think?

ANNA: What do I think? (pauses) I think I know how you feel. Looking for love in all the wrong people. Finally finding the one you are dying to have, but finding out you even aren't on their radar. Staying by their side, trying to date other people, but it doesn't work out because they just aren't that person. Believe me Markus, I know how you feel. More than anything, I know how you feel. Maureen is just a bitch. You've got to realize that. And maybe, since she isn't going to be in your life anytime soon, maybe it'll be a good idea to expand your radar a little bit? Maybe you can try taking off those blinders and look around?

Anna hugs Markus, tenderly, lingering for a little bit before letting go. She takes a couple of steps, and then looks back at Markus.

ANNA: I'm not as pretty as Maureen, am I?

Smiling woefully, Anna exits the stage. The camera goes back to Markus, who looks more than a little confused. Fade out. "Complainte de la Butte" by Rufus Wainwright starts playing. Roll credits.