I'm telling this to you, because I know you care. I know you will listen. You may not understand some of the things I mean. But I'm hoping you are. And if you don't understand, for whatever the reasons may be, at least I know you listen. And that's all I actually need.

The last thing I've ever wanted from anyone, is to change because of me. I never want people to change because of something I say or believe. I accept people for who they are, even if I don't comprehend the way they are, but at least I know someone can survive that way.

The people I'm going to talk about, I'm going to change their names. I don't want you to figure out who I am talking about. I don't want to gossip, or change your views on them. I don't want to change your pattern of thinking. Because, you think of them that way because that's how you see them. You should never allow someone to tamper your vision by someone else's views or words. I think it's wrong.

But, I've noticed how Tommy acts around me. He likes to show the other guys he can gain my attention the most. And rub it in their faces. And if he can't get my attention, he gets me to do asshole things. I don't know why I do them, I guess you can call it peer pressure. And I know it's wrong. But, I guess I don't think when I'm doing them. Like the time I was driving with Tommy, Travis, and Michael. And Kyle and Nelson was in the bed of the truck. Tommy had me drive like a moron. Speeding up, and stopping short. Swirving the truck... like Andy would do with his truck. I know it's not me, I'm curtious when driving... but I did it anyways. But, I did apologize to Kyle and Nelson. Though, I only met Nelson that night.

That was the night I felt alive. I was having fun and being carelss. We went into an abandoned theater and looked around. I stole an ashtray. Michael took a ton of signs. Travis stole a giant poster for Pirates of the Caribbean. I never felt so scared in my life. But I enjoyed every moment of it. I haven't felt that alive in so long. And I wanted nothing more to be back there. Grab a flashlight, a guitar, and just hang out there in the dark at three in the morning. Facing my fears.

And I noticed that Michael acted different around me. He'd become arrogant and hang all over me. We were best friends eight months ago. And he never acted that way. But, I guess I hurt him, by kissing Tommy in front of him. I don't know why I kissed Tommy. I think it was because I was crushed about Keegan. I was dating him for months, and I got scared and dumped him. But that's okay, at least I have experience under my belt. But Michael had feelings for me. He really did. I never meant to hurt him. But I did. And I'd give everything I could to take that back. He's a best friend.

But Michael stopped talking to me. For the longest time, he wouldn't say more than two words to me. I never felt so awkward in my life. I wanted nothing more to apologize to Michael. But I didn't know how. Then one day, he decided he wanted to hang out with me. And I was grateful. But, every time I'd say something to show I appreciate him, he'd always say something like "I know" or even "everyone does!"

And, Travis, he always turns into mush when I'm around him. If I get angry, he tries his best to calm me down. If I'm upset, he tries to cheer me up. And I know, that since me and him broken up over a year ago, he still wants me back. I can feel it when I'm with him. And I feel terrible because I don't see him that way anymore. I don't I really have in the first place...

My friend Karter, he still wishes he was with me. I'm not sure how I do it. I'm not sure if they really do want me for me, but it makes me feel horrible, because I only see them as friends and they see me as something more. I don't know what they see in me. I'm not that great, I swear.

And I know, when someone on the outside looking in, and see this girl friends with all boys, they must see me as some whore... But I don't think I am... I really don't. I never understood the complexity of females. I don't think I ever will. Because, you see, I've never seen myself as a chick. I'm just a part of the guys. Always have been...

I don't think is much of an introduction. I know it must be quite confusing. But, I'll try to make it more clearer. I promise.

- Gabriella.