Chapter VIII: Pain Is Soluble In Alcohol

Blinking back tears that were threatening to fall, I whirled around quickly, not bothering to see the rest of the abomination that I just witnessed. I bumped into the girl from earlier and I dropped the bag of presents that I was holding in my haste to get away. I ran, as fast as my feet would carry me. I don't care if I have to walk all the way to the highway. I just need to get away.

I never thought that this would happen to me. I get the fact that Paolo left me for uncertain reasons. Knowing that I still loved him, I needed to see if I can get back with him. It's fighting for the one you love kind of thing, but I guess those where just the romantic's way of telling you to hurt yourself more – a masochistic streak. If I knew it would end up like this, I would have gladly just slit myself, watch myself bleed and jump off a bridge and splatter my innards. I might make it to prime time news and get my 15 minutes of fame, albeit posthumously.

I walked slowly, tears streaming down my face. Unmindful of the silence that surrounds me and not bothered by the creepy shadows that trails me as I made my way towards the front gate of this community, which was like about a mile away. I was feeling cold despite what I knew was supposed to be another warm summer night. Tremors wrack my body as I fought back from fully sobbing, the need to get away as far as possible from the person who has hurt me so much is the only thing that keeps my body from just slumping down on the ground and just lying there into oblivion.

I was perhaps halfway to my destination, having put 3 blocks between me and Paolo, and I knew I only had a block more to walk and I will be out onto the main freeway. I paused and looked back, face tear-stained, heart heavy and hurting; a part of me wants to run back and cause a disruption to Paolo's momentous event and risk putting myself into more shame, while a part of me was just silently thankful for the fact that no one saw what I saw and saw me break in the process.

I was standing in the middle of a peacefully deserted street, in a community of snobs who kept mostly to themselves. Torn between just slumping there and walking to God knows where. Indecision making me immobile, after all I was far from where I was currently staying, with no one for company, in a entirely different city from where I lived.

I was startled out of my state when I heard a sound of a car approaching from the direction I just came from, and when I turned my head around, sure enough, I was hit by bright lights. I quickly moved to the other side of the road to avoid getting hit and allow the car to pass me by but it abruptly stopped and the driver got out.

"Marc" I heard a familiar voice call out my name as I continued walking.

I ignored the voice as fresh tears fell down. That voice, it used to be so sweet and loving, now I cannot help but detect a sense of hesitancy when it called out my name.

"Marc. Listen, let me explain."

I continued walking away, faster than before, There was no point in having a conversation. It's not as if what I saw can be undone. No amount of reason will ever make everything all right anymore.

I heard footsteps approaching and I was suddenly spun around to face the one person I wished could have loved me forever and at the same instant somebody I so desperately wanted to drop dead for causing me so much pain.

I was wrapped in his arms. Arms that were once so familiar but felt different, alien this time. I was numbed. He was talking, but I guess I was not hearing anything that he was telling me. I closed myself off. As sudden as I was engulfed in Paolo's arms, I was let go like I had burnt him. And I felt someone else grab me and guided me somewhere. I just followed, not knowing where I was being led to, somehow feeling sure that it was anywhere but near Paolo.

It was moments later that I came back to my senses. I discovered that I was inside a moving vehicle. No Paolo in sight but I know I was with someone because there was a hand holding my own. I looked down at the hand I was unconsciously clutching like it was some sort of a lifeline – they were hard but not calloused, with long fingers and clean nails. I traced the hand to its owner.

My eyes met Kris' face, or at least the half of it from what I can see seating on the passenger side of his car. His face is set into a frown, forehead wrinkled, lips pursed together and his eyes fixed on the road ahead as if it's taking every ounce of his concentration while driving what seems to be a road with less traffic.

I squeezed his hand, the one that held mine and he gave me a glance, a softer look than what he was sporting earlier and I felt safe. Using my other hand, I gave him a half-hearted smile as I removed his hand from mine, signaling him that I would be fine.

But I was far from being fine. I don't know if I'll ever be fine. The loss of contact somehow left me feeling alone. Funny, I never pegged Kris to give me the sense of security but he was familiar and that was comforting after everything that happened earlier.

I sighed and let my head lean on the window as I let the event come over me and once again tears flowed freely.

Music was drifting into the foyer and as I made my way outside, further into the house walking in the hallway that would lead back into the garden, the music got more distinctive. They were playing some love song, a favorite amongst couples and usually played during weddings. As I made my way outside, I was surprised to see the garden and the backyard lit with fairy lights all over. Lanterns and torches were scattered all over the place, a buffet was spread near the door where I stood. The pool somewhere to my right side was lit with floating candles and flowers.

I tried to think of any other occasion that they could be celebrating aside from Paolo's birthday but came up with nothing. But that goes to show how I was no longer in touch with the said guy and his family. As I scanned the place, teeming with people I caught a glance of a beautifully decorated gazebo. Flowers in different shades of blue were set together amidst candles and tulles and there were three people inside.

For a moment, time stood still as I locked eyes with the person I came for. He was handsome in his white ensemble. Radiant and happy, but the smiling face was replaced by a blank expression as he held my gaze. I looked around, and settled my gaze on where he was and I realized that he was holding hands with someone, a pretty vision in a flowing white gown with blue accents and details.

I swallowed a gulp as our eyes met again, his remained impassive while mine was full of hurt and betrayal.

How could he not tell me? How could he lie to me?

Why didn't he tell me that he was breaking up with me because he was getting married?

A gentle hand wiped away tears from my face as I was pulled out of the car. I zoned out again as I realized that we were in a parking lot somewhere. Kris fussed over me, in an attempt to make me look a little better but sighed when he realized that it was futile so he just grabbed me towards a building.

We ended up getting into a restaurant at the mezzanine level of the building. We joined Jon and Sebastian with the latter's parents on the table. They were obviously talking about something funny judging from their laughter when we were approaching, but the whole table got silent once they have gotten a look at me.

"What happened?" Jon asked Kris when I wouldn't meet his eyes as I sat down.

Silence reigned over the table but was quickly broken by a couple of attendants who brought in food and began pouring wine into our crystal glasses. Once they left I grabbed my glass and spoke.

"I propose a toast." This earned me a raised eyebrow from Jon but everybody raised their glasses nonetheless.

I cleared my throat.

"To Paolo." I started with my voice breaking.

"May he live a damned and cursed life for all eternity" I continued as I looked at Jon who had a questioning look on his face.

"with his wife and their future family." I drunk my wine in one gulp as I heard a glass shatter, probably Jon's, who had his mouth hanging open in shock and hands empty of the said wine glass.

"Shall we proceed with dinner?" I asked Sebastian's dad politely just so that they can get a grip from their own frozen faces.

The night was cut short, after a rather tense dinner, I found myself in bed being hugged to death by a crying Jon. Kris and Sebastian were nowhere to be found. I don't know if that is something I should be thankful for or worried about.

Great. I was the one who got his heart broken beyond repair and my best friend is the one acting all hysterical. Granted, I cried a lot earlier but I just felt numbed and the feeling of running away was too strong. I need to get away. Somewhere. Anywhere.

It was in the arms of a still crying Jon who was babbling about getting even with Paolo in any way possible when I finally ripped Jon off of myself and walked over to the corner of the room and began packing my stuff.

"Where are you going?"

"To Luchie's."

"Wait, were all going together."

"No. You will stay here, enjoy the rest of your stay with your boy and you will be meeting me there a week from now." I told Jon as I took an envelope from my suitcase and handed it over to him.

"Take these. It's for Hong Kong. You take the trip with Sebastian, both of you will be joining Luchie and Czarina for the trip." I spoke as I continued to pack. "I'll call the agency and have the name changed but keep those for me. I don't want to be reminded. The trip is for the 5th until the 10th of May. Come to Cebu on the 4th, since you will be leaving with my cousin and her girlfriend. I just need to be alone and away from here. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid." I finished saying as I zipped up the last bag.

Jon just took everything as I said and nodded. He stalked out of the room and came back a few minutes later and he found me standing still near the window, staring blankly outside.

"Your flight leaves tomorrow morning at 7am. Do you want to rest or do you want to do something I would do if I get into this kind of situation?"

With a heavy smile a pulled Jon on his wrist and lead him outside with the intent of looking for a bar to drink all my sorrows away. But it turned out that Sebastian and Kris have thought of the same thing when we met them at the door as we were about to head out, each with a bottle of Chivas Regal on their hands.

So with my best friend, my best friends' boyfriend, and the annoying (but a somewhat decent guy, I would like to grudgingly admit) best friends' boyfriends' best friend, I took my first step in the process of getting Paolo out of my mind.

I guess it's true. Pain is soluble in alcohol.