Love?

Can you hear me?

Hello?

Is this thing on?

There, that's better.

Um, let's see, what does this say…

State your…

Oh, yes.

My name is Evangelia DiAngelo, and I am seventeen years old. I am making this recording on the 11th day of January, 2011, for the purpose of revealing certain information that I believe will assist whoever writes my memoirs…

No, just kidding.

I'm actually recording so that I never forget what someone is capable of when they're blinded by love. I'd like to take this opportunity to note that love is something that I hope I never fall into, and if you're listening to this, by the end you'll feel the same way that I do. Because, really...

Well, once you hear it, you'll understand.

I guess I should start at the beginning.

-coughing-

The tale begins one lovely, snowy January day…yesterday, really. January 10th, 2011. It was a beautiful morning, the first day back from Christmas break. I made a snow angel that morning, and threw a snowball at my little brother as we were walking to the bus stop.

In English class that day, we were challenged to write journal entries – real or fictitious – using as many quotes as we could.

It was a cool assignment.

Miss Grey is like that.

She's great.

She's also the person I talk to about everything – well, sort of. I mostly just write about it and she reads it, and writes back little helpful comments. Like the time I wrote about Michelle and Deanna making fun of my sister's autism back in grade nine. She wrote me a little Post-It note that had all sorts of cool advice on how to deal with it, and she also got the Student Council to organize an Autism Awareness Day, with a fundraiser and everything.

She's my favorite teacher.

Since I knew I could trust her, and since I really wanted to talk or write or SOMETHING about it, I started off with this:

Well, there's this boy, and he kinda has my heart…

Which is totally an MSN picture quote, but Miss Grey didn't say that the quote had to be Shakespeare or anything.

Since my diary will NOT be found alongside this, I should probably explain myself a little, so you have the background information.

Jared Silverman is this boy in my class…he's really smart, he's really good at sports, he sings, plays piano, plays guitar, draws really well, and is just all-around fantastic. We like all the same movies, all the same books, all the same foods, all the same music, and TV shows, and…well…everything. We have so much in common, and, even though he's an inch or two shorter than me, Loretta says we're really cute together.

But that's just her, I mean, she thinks all sorts of crazy things, and is way too much of a matchmaker for her own good.

So, I really, really, really like him, but we're friends, and it's good.

I'm not pretending that I wouldn't want to, you know, go out with him sometime, but I'm happy being his friend, even if that's all I'll ever be.

Better Jared as a friend than no Jared at all, right?

So, I was writing about him.

I included song quotes, quotes from this really fantastic movie that we both really like, quotes from the song we wrote together last year as a music project…and I was making a really great journal entry.

I mean, top notch, great marks, all of it.

So, I managed to finish most of it by the time the period was over, and then it was time for PreCal.

Goodness, but I hate PreCal.

I could have taken Advanced Linear Functions, or opted out of advanced math and taken an extra history option like I wanted to, but Jared's in PreCal. And any opportunity to be close to him…

Yeah, I'm a big loser.

So what?

It's high school.

I'm allowed to be this crazy for another few months.

Anyways, in PreCal, we sit together. Not because of any choice on either of our parts – I mean, we aren't THAT good of friends. We're on speaking terms, and we're both involved in a band, and we occasionally talk after school, but not "Oh! I want to sit next to you, BEST FRIEND," type of close.

He's not that type of person, anyways.

So, we're sitting next to each other – fluke of the seating plan, gotta love it – and on the other side of him is my arch nemesis.

Okay, so she's really nice, and she's a great friend, but she's also smart, and athletic, and pretty and funny and…

Yup.

It's a class joke.

Somebody asks, "Where's Jared?"

Somebody else asks, 'Where's Rebekah?"

Somebody else says, "Making out, obviously."

I mean, they don't, not really.

He's just madly in love with her, and she flirts with him and they're doing this big huge science project together and when she broke her leg two months ago he carried her books around to every class and they go for long walks and…

-sighing-

So he's beside me and she's beside him, and they always talk and I just keep quiet and stay as far away from him as I can.

And Mister Oldthorn is just crazy and only ever picks him to answer questions, so I have to hear him talk right in my ear and I'm left handed, so our arms always brush up against each other when we write and…

It's infuriating.

So, after PreCal was over, as we were leaving, Sean, the stupidest boy in class, came up to Jared.

Okay, so he's not the stupidest boy, he's actually one of the smartest, but he has a bit of a God complex, and he's always a jerk to everyone…

Okay, mostly just to me, but still…

Anyways, he comes up to Jared and says, "What're you doing at lunch?"

And Jared says, "Oh, I'm kinda busy, Sean. Rebekah and I have to work on our project, and we're just going to walk over to my house and work through lunch."

He lives like a five minute walk from the school.

It's crazy.

He gets up an hour and a half after I do, and still manages to make it to school before me.

It's kind of annoying, really.

So, anyways, Sean goes, "Really…project…I'll bet that's not ALL you two are going to work on, eh?"

And does the nudge-nudge-wink-wink thing.

So, Sean's been doing and saying stuff like that about Rebekah and Jared all day – really, it started before Christmas break when, at the class Christmas party, we had mistletoe…

Whose bright idea was that, I ask you?

And Jared kept trying to bump into Rebekah under it.

It never happened, but it was SO obvious that EVERYONE started joking about it.

Sean has a pretty dirty mind, though, and he and Loretta just kept on going and going until I thought that Jared would deck at lest one of them.

Rebekah was pretty close to tears at the time, and she hasn't talked to Sean or Loretta since.

Anyways, Sean kept making these comments as we were walking out of class, and Rebekah actually DID start crying this time, and kind of ran off.

Well, Jared was furious.

He shoved his books at me and grabbed Sean's sleeve.

"We're going to talk, now," he said in this really calm voice, and dragged him outside.

I just stood there, holding his books.

For like five minutes.

All the while, kids kept streaming outside to watch the two strongest guys in the school beat each other up over a stupid girl.

So, I went to my locker and put my books in, and shoved his on top of a bunch of loose papers, which I think may have been my English journal stuff, seeing as I can't find it now.

Loretta's locker is right next to mine – we're best friends and all – and Rebekah's locker is right next to Loretta's, which is awkward considering that they aren't talking right now.

Well, apparently they are, 'cause when I got there, Lore was hugging Rebekah and just generally being all soothing and supportive.

It turns out that Rebekah really, really, really likes this guy who Sean happens to play tennis with, and she doesn't want Sean thinking all this dirty stuff about her because she's afraid that he'll tell this guy, and that he won't ever have a chance of liking her and…

Yeah.

So, Lore, who's WAY more experienced in dating and stuff than most of the rest of us, was just giving her advice and being all cool about it and everything.

I guess they're friends again.

Meanwhile, the school had pretty much emptied, and I thought the fight was over, considering that it was pretty quiet outside.

So I went out, you know, to look at the blood on the snow or something, and it turns out that the fight wasn't over.

It reminded me of when Sam and Jared had an indoor snowball fight LAST January – it was crazy. Not just because they were really into it and were really good at it, but because they were both completely silent, and it felt wrong to talk.

Well, that's how it felt, watching that fight.

Everyone was just in awed silence, and the only sound that you could hear was the thud of bodies on the ground and fists into faces and that sort of thing.

It was pretty scary.

I'm not good with words.

I can't describe the fight.

But what I can tell you is that all I could think of was that if someone made those comments about me, Jared would just laugh and ruffle my hair or something.

Like when Rebekah broke her leg – if that had happened to me, Jared wouldn't have even noticed that I was having trouble carrying my stuff around.

It's pretty weird what love can do to a person.

When I got there, the fight was almost over.

It took about another five minutes, but Sean ended it, finally, with a huge kick that sent Jared flying about 3 feet, to the edge of the road.

Sean spit blood in the snow, and headed back inside.

The crowd dispersed, and soon it was just me and Jared alone in the cold white.

He just lay there, and I just stood there, for a little while, and then I was stupid.

I decided to play the hero.

Hey, you know those silly stories, where the fair maiden nurses the fallen night back to health and he falls in love with her?

Yeah, it wasn't like that.

It was more like when Elaine nursed Lancelot back to health, but all he could think about was Guinevere.

It was totally like that.

'Cause I knelt down beside him, and gently touched his shoulder and said – I swear, the stupidest thing I've ever said – Are. You. Okay?

No.

Really.

I just got beat up.

I'm fine.

Just peachy, thanks.

Well, he just chuckled and said, "No, not really."

So I pulled him over onto his back, put his head in my lap, and checked to see is he had any cuts on his face and stuff.

Nope, none, but he had this horrible swollen lip, and the beginnings of a nasty black eye.

So I helped him up, and brought him inside, and put an ice pack on his eye and lip and brushed his hair off of his forehead and gave him my soup.

And I told him to get lots of vitamin C to get the swelling down, and to take it easy and rest up, because that sort of thing exhausts your muscles and a whole bunch of random stuff.

I was pretty much just rambling.

He thanked me pretty absently, he was looking for Rebekah.

I could see it.

Well, to make a long story short, he and Sean got suspended, and I walked him home.

He was limping, too, and his shoulder was all inflamed – muscle pulls and bad knees and Sean is really strong.

So I carried his backpack and he leaned on my arm and I got him home safely and told him to go straight to bed.

Then I went back to school, and there was Rebekah, chatting with Sean, laughing at him as he packed his books.

"Are you sure?"

She asked him.

"Positive. Michael for SURE likes you. He only asks about you every time we play."

She saw me and waved and grinned.

And Sean did, too.

And I pleaded a migraine and skipped French and Cinema and went home.

And I cried for hours, and I read, and I tried to do homework, and I can't find my English journals and I think, because I got Jared's books from my locker before he left, that I might have grabbed it and given it to him by mistake.

I really hope I didn't.

Loretta called.
And I talked to her about French homework, and the movie we're analyzing in cinema, and the script that Jerome wants us to look over for World Politics and Modern Issues on Friday.

And neither of us mentioned the fight.

She doesn't care – she thinks Sean is the greatest and thinks Jared is a huge loser and a big dork.

She hates school, and he loves it.

That's probably why.

So, it's 3 am, and I still can't sleep, and I've been talking into this thing for like an hour and I still don't understand it.

Why would someone beat up their best friend since preschool for a girl?

Why would someone help the girl their best friend liked to get another guy?

Why would a girl who's just been defended to the extreme not even care about the boy who got suspended and really hurt for doing so?

Why would a girl who knows that the boy she loves doesn't reciprocate be so helpful and stuff to him?

And why would a boy who's every need is being met by one girl be constantly looking for another one?

I don't have answers.

That's why I'm still awake.

The only thing I can think of is another quote.

People do crazy things in the name of love.

I'd like to say I'm not one of them, but I'm as guilty as anyone else.

I think I'm going to try to go to sleep again.