FALL 2005



Jenn: I'm going to leave my msn on...and go to sleep...and when i wake up...if your up to doing it...maybe telling me stuff...talking to me thru in the morning i can see it and read it...
Jenn: can that David?
Jenn: it doesn't have to be a lot
David: lol
David: Okay Jenn
Jenn: and I don't want you to lose any sleep doing it...
Jenn: are you sure?!
David: don't worry
David: I might take a short nap and continue
Jenn: back is aching...and I'm sleepy
David: you done good tonight despite some interesting things
Jenn: heh...I appreciate that David...thank you...
Jenn: (yawns) bye David
David: bye...
Jenn: (falls asleep in like 5 min)
David: This could be perfect if you didn't have a boyfriend.

"I love you Jenny..." I barely whisper thinking that I found my one true love.

Even though I have promised Jenny I would write something for her, I blankly stare at the cursor that is blinking back at me. I love her so much but what can I say to her, actually type, to her that can express how much I feel towards her. I wish I still continue to talk to her on the phone but her parents forbids her to talk on the phone all night especially with somebody that lives like 1,000 miles. The reason why I promise I will type something because I wasn't no where close in being tired so I got all night to type something up.

"Your wish is my command," a voice whispers into my ear.

It suddenly hit me as a wave or running right into a cement building, but I instantly feel tired and it has been five minutes after Jenny left to go to bed. NO, I can't believe that this is happening to me. Why now? I thought to myself. I promise her that I will write something to her and she is the type of a girl that I wouldn't break a promise to. Jenny, I hope you can forgive me. No! I must fight this because I love her and I won't let something like this stop me from doing what I set out to do. I close my eyes for a second just to relax them and concentrate but I can't open them back up.

I can't believe that I am falling asleep and breaking the promise I just made to her. No, I won't do this to her, I don't want to let her down because...I love her with all of my heart! With those words, I finally able to open my eyes but instead of staring at my laptop screen, I now appear standing over her bed. I can't believe I am dreaming this but she looks so beautiful sleeping right there. I place one my hands on her cheek, bending down to kiss her on the lips but I suddenly disappear. I then reappear outside flying with white feathered wings I never knew before. I check myself seeing that my wings are falling apart and the feathers look like it got ripped off.

"What is this? What am I?" I quietly asks myself.

"I made your wish come true," that same voice from before whispers in my mind.

"What wish? I didn't make any wish!"

"Your wish was to be with the person you loved. I made it come true by letting you lose my body."

"Using your body?"

"Right now isn't the time for explanation but to sum everything up, I am a Fallen Angel and you are now in possession of my body. Only for tonight, I do not want others to know that I am letting a living mortal use the body of a Celestial being."

"I am inside of an angel's body? This is awesome!"

I look up to the clouds above and then use my wings to fly up to be over the clouds to look at the night stars. I close my eyes as I let the cool breeze to gently caress my face and then open my eyes with the star reflecting off them so clearly. I look down, moving my hand towards the direction of her house and the clouds open up, letting the moon light to pass and lighting her house. Tears form in my eyes and one tear slowly trails down my face as it drops down in the moonlight and mysteriously lands on her. The tear glows on her face, warming her up and making her smile as it slowly disappears like it was never there.

I spread my wings to its full length and move my hands around to make the clouds below me move with along with my hands. After a minute or two, I stop moving my hand and letting them fall to my side seeing the words 'I love you, Jenny' that I just form with my hands. I smile as another single tear trails down my face once more. One of my wings instinctively went to my face and wipes it clean as I stay suspended in the air.

I finally decide to fly towards Chris' house and just like before, I close my eyes and reopen them to find myself in his room. I walk to him with each step causing the ground around my foot to give off a golden aura that ripples throughout the room. I put my left hand on his head, patting him and look at him not with anger, not with sadness or jealously but with contempt. I slowly sat down on his bed, looking around and then back to him, smiling a little but not enough to be notice.

"You're a good kid Chris you know that? You have somebody that I will always love and will never forget. You're lucky to have her and I swear that if you don't treat her right then I will visit again but with vengeance on my mind. Don't disappoint me Chris because she is the world to me and I want her to feel that she always has somebody loving her. If Jennifer only knew what was in my heart then she will see that her life will change forever being with me. But that is up to her what she wants and I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want. I gotta let her look inside my heart on her own choice and see the things of what they are truly are.

"You see Chris, the reason why I will never become a guardian angel is that my heart has been broken so many times. Each time I thought I might recover it gets rip out and thrown to the very depth of hell. I go through shit to get it back and try to be the person I once was…but every time my heart gets rip out and thrown away I will always be missing a piece. Now you know somewhat on why I can never handle being a guardian angel and will fall from heaven. Even though I might become a fallen angel, I always try to help those who are around me that are willing to be helped. Even if they were very mean or have something that I really want, I will always help them because that is who I am.

"I know I can't help myself only because I know that it will heal over time but I also know that it will take a long time if I do that. That is why I help others out instead. If I know I have the powers to do something about somebody's problem then I will try everything in my power to help me. You understand Chris that is why I can't or will not hate you but give you and Jenny guidance in life so you two can have a good life even if I will be alone. I want to do anything I can to make Jenny happy as she can possibly get whether she wants to be with me or with you."

I slowly get up from his bed and place a hand over his heart causing my palm to give off a golden aura. I smile light but can't crack a big enough smile since I know deep inside I am jealous of him. Yes, even with my confession I will do anything to be with Jenny but I don't want to force her to be with me. Now is not the time for that. I continue to look at him while spreading my wings in his room and cast a shadow over him while I now appear in Jenny's room. My wings suddenly vanish the second I appear in her room and I fall to the ground, landing roughly on my feet.

"What the hell?" I whisper to myself, standing up and look around noticing that I now appear normal like a human.

Without thinking further about what has happened to me, I hastily walk to her bed so I can see her once again tonight. I lean down, closing my eyes and kiss her with my lips lightly pressing against hers for a split second and I stand back up with my eyes half close. I slowly sit down on her bed, watching her sleep and see her slowly breathing in and out—very calm and peaceful. I smile wide because she looks so cute when she is sleeping and that I always to be right next to her to keep her safe. I stand up and walk to her computer hair, sitting down on it and rolling it to her bed near her head, admiring how beautiful she is. I slightly use one of my hands to caress her soft rosy cheeks, sensing that she is able to feel it and right now don't' care if I wake her up.

"So we meet like this Jenny and here you thought you want me to type you something on Instant Messenger," I whisper laughing a little but stop and look more serious. "I guess my love for you was stronger than I thought to cause me to be what I always thought I was…a fallen angel. I was an angel that has nothing to give but gives everything. To tell you the truth Jenny, I was really going to kill myself right after you hang up that one time when we talked earlier. My life was meaningless without you and now I regret almost committing suicide because it now reminded me how you talked about your boyfriend, Chris.

"I am much stronger than him and if you give me a chance Jenny, then I will show you the heavens and ultimate paradise. Because you are worth it and more and nobody could ever take that away from you. For less than a month, my heart has shattered, broken, ripped out, throw to the side, ignored, neglected, betrayed, deceived, played, used, and has been stabbed. The bad part is that all of that happened to me constantly right after the other just because I thought this one girl and I was in love with other. At the end, she didn't love me and only used me so, when she dumped me because she doesn't want my love, my heart collapsed and didn't even bother recover.

"For weeks and maybe months I tried to recover, failing miserably but suddenly I met another girl that I fell in love so freaking easily. We were going out for couple of days but she suddenly disappeared on me and since my heart was already fragile I got paranoid thinking she left or was ignoring me. I was completely devastated beyond reason and put me in a shell trying desperately to recover till I met somebody later on and the fuck up cycle starts all over again. The way I fall in love so easily like always makes me seem that I am desperate to find love anywhere so I do anything to get it.

"The next girl I met was now my own age and found out later that I was only 13 days older from her. I thought I love this girl and we both agreed to meet each other in real life since we met online but just like before, we lost touch and we barely talk. Three girls less than a month which was like the worst luck ever and I now officially lock myself deep in a double thick shell. Till something or somebody was calling out to me from the darkness around me and this is how I met her, Serra. She tried helping me to cope with this hardship and I shouldn't dwell in the past as there is plenty of fish in the sea.

"I told her that I am one of those committed relationship type of a guy and that I treat the girl I am dating like she is the most important person in my life and make her feel special. Also told her that the girls I been dating wasn't able to handle all the love that I was giving and soon caused them to opened their hearts to other people. Days have passed and the outcome of our conversations is that she know officially agreed that I am different from most guys she knows. She even said that she had never met anybody like me before and that she doesn't know if she will ever meet someone even close or half of me. That my emotions are so powerful and that I can access and express them so easily which makes me very understanding to those around me.

"She even made the comment later on that if she wasn't married she would try and get with me which cracks me up to this very day. If people only knew me especially females, I am the type of guy that every female wishes or dreams about which makes me the ideal person for love. I do not know why I am telling you this but I am letting you know Jenny that I am somebody that you will only meet once in a lifetime. Those who know me think they're lucky to have someone like me as a friend who is too good to be true. The only reason why I haven't had so many problems in me when we first me was that I compressed each and every emotions. Trying my hardest to forget them but at the end, they are only building on top of each other.

"The thee girls caused it to build up so much that I almost committed suicide several times because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle so much emotional pain all at once that I wanted to get it out and there was two ways to do that. One way was to kill myself or the other way was to risk it all. Even with Serra help, I could never be who I once was or recover what I had lost all those time. But all of that change when I met you Jenny, for the first time I felt something that I didn't feel towards the other three. Like that song, I love You before I Met You, I instantly wanted to help you and be there when I saw you in trouble when we first met.

"I said things to you that I never said to the other girls and what surprises me is that I meant every single word I said to you. I told myself, I will not let this one go no matter what happens even if it kills me at the end because I been blinded by love so much. I had lost everything in life before I met you and it hadn't been going too smoothly since I could remember. You were perfect for me, we were perfect for each other, in ways like a mosquito to a light. I flirt with you, and you flirt back but what made me love you even more was the trust that you gave me since the beginning. And for somebody to trust me that much, I wouldn't leave them for anything and will fight anything to make them happy.

"You made me feel emotions that I never thought were possible. When we first talk to each other that was one of the best moments in my life and I knew that it could only get better. At first when you told me you had a boyfriend I gotten jealous and caught myself when I was trying to steal you away from him. I had guilt because the first girl that broke up with me left for another person in which they were dating behind my back when the girl and I were together. With you Jenny, for the first time in my life I had something to look forward in my life and that was sharing my life with you. When we found out that we shared almost all likes and dislikes I knew that I had to be with somehow so we can share more with each other.

"But I can't force you to completely love me if you still have any love for your boyfriend, Jenny, and I am alright with that. If you believe he is the one for you then I will be right by your side at every situation. Even thought I can't be an official guardian angel, I will always be your guardian angel and your protector. You just need to think of me and how much I am willing to help you then you will be all right." I lean forward, kissing her on the lips once again and slowly getting up, putting the chair away. I slowly walk to the window and look outside. "Did you remember that one day when we were playing around and I ask you if you want to marry me and you said yes? Then I added to it saying that I wanted our wedding song to be special and I instantly thought about that song we talked about. The song was "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal, and it was one of your favorite songs. Every time I hear that song Jenny, I will always think of you because that is our song," I whisper in her ear.

My wings suddenly come back and they spread to full length till I calmly fold them behind my back. I place my hand over my mouth and yawn a bit as I slowly lay down on the bed right next to her. So I can keep her warm as I drift into sleep from being close to her. I begin dreaming the days we were talking on the phone and I would be listening to every single thing she will say. I suddenly waken up seeing that the sun is rising and looked around noticing that I'm still in her bed which the shock makes me fall off. I get onto my knees, peaking over the bed top and seeing her beautiful face facing me telling me that it was once near mine.

If I wasn't mistaken she subconsciously cuddled with me. I sudden start blushing as I was once near her and slept like we are a real couple. I stand up almost hitting things with my wings already stretch out and fold them behind my back again. I use my hand to caress her face and lightly kiss her on the lips again. I move my head back as our lips are extremely close to each other and my eyes slowly gaze at her face seeing how much more beautiful she is close up.

"I guess as long as you're asleep I'm still here and if you wake up I somehow go back to my room. Is this my dream that I want to happen for real and it happened? It couldn't be. I closed my eyes five minutes after you left the computer and I broken your promise and for that I am truly sorry."

She tosses over to the other side of her bed giving me room as I lay right next to her again looking up at the ceiling. Without warning she moves back putting her arms around me and then hears her saying my name and wishes that I am there to hold her in my arms. I blush so hard and got so hot that people probably mistaken it for a fever. I place her hand over my heart and both of our hands begin to give off a golden aura.

"David, you feel so warm," she whispers in her sleep as I look at her snuggling closer to me. "I wish you were here with me," she whispers again making me smile lightly thinking she's talking in her sleep again. "Why is it so hard, I love the both of them but I don't know?" she continues to whisper and I close my eyes listening. "I love Chris but I also love David. Ooooh why does it has to be so hard, I want them both but I know I have to pick one," I open my eyes as she begin holding onto me tighter and I want this to last for eternally but its not right...

"Jenny, you love Chris and remember you have a crush on him since 5th grade. Despite your illness and how people treated you, he was there for you and made you his girlfriend." I whisper to her trying to help her answer your question better. "I on the other hand, you barely met but despite who you were or how you act, I was there...since the first time I met you...I never left your side and leaving you will be the last thing I will ever do and will die before it happens," I whisper back to her realizing I didn't help much because Chris is there for her all the time but I'm just a friend from the states. I then remember there is saying that you have to let go of the people you really love but I don't think it work best for this situation.

"You deserve better and I will always be there for you during your worst and best times of you life. I don't know what Chris said to you but I think they are good words but you Jenny know what Chris and I say to you. To me Jenny, you give me so much trust and love that I think I do know you all of your life and I was there for you some way or another. And I told you almost everything about my life so basically it seems we were childhood friends that got separated and now found each other. Since we were separated and we just found each other, we don't' want to let the other one go no matter what.

"That is my intake on our situation, we also been through a lot and you and I done things you never thought you would do again. Not only that Jenny, I want you to keep doing it and explore to find your place in the world. You didn't put yourself in a shell or bubble, the people around you did and I'm not accusing your boyfriend of nothing. You need to find people that are more willing to accept who you are like me and to be yourself.

"Now you must be wondering why you hadn't met me sooner. I can never answer that question but I know this was fate and we were destined to talk to each other. I would be that light that you lost long time ago and you will be my light that I also lost long time ago. I will always be within your heart from now on even after the days we die. Now I leave all of this up to you and decide on your future and nobody, not even I can, choose your path." I whisper to her with my eyes close noticing she is cuddling with me tighter.

"Oh David," she says lightly, like she always do when she was blushing on the phone. "I love you so much," she whispers one final time as I look at her cute face sleeping and rub her hair.

"I love you too, my princess," I slowly respond making her absorb the words. I close my eyes lightly and reopen them now appearing outside behind her window seeing that she is now cuddling with the pillow. I flap my wings away from the window turning around seeing the rising sun.

"Jenny, every time we talk to each other will cause me to have new forms of love for you. Each rising of the sun, will make me love you more and more till the day we see each other and show how much I really love you. You're my angel of heaven, the person I love with heart and my one and only love that will ever make me feel this way. Jenny, I do not care what choice you make as long you know that I'm always there for you no matter what."

"Time is almost up," the voice interrupts.

"I see, what is your name?"

"My name is Cyreign."

"Thank you Cyreign."

"It is as you wish."

She slowly opens her eyes while I look down at my hands and realize that I'm fading away knowing she is waking up. Tears form from my eyes once again but I hold it back in and turn my head towards her window as she is becoming more wide awake. "I will always love you Jenny with everything of who I am and what I am," I whisper as she is now fully awake and I fade away completely. One feather doesn't completely fade as it flutters downward from the sky. She looks at the window seeing the white feather giving off an angelic aura, which then suddenly fades away like it isn't even there. She begins to smile hoping that I wrote something to her so she exciting went to her computer to see what I have typed for her.

And so she begins reading, "Even though I have promised Jenny I would write something for her, I blankly stare at the cursor that is blinking back at me." She smiles after reading the first part and then continues reading making her believe that I was there with her throughout the night.


Lyrics of Kiss By A Rose

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
Bud did you know, that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light you shine can be seen.

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey!
Oooh, the more I get of you, stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave

There Is so much a man can tell you.
So much he can say.
You remain,
My Power! My Pleasure! My Pain! Baby!
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know, that when it snows
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave

I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed bye a rose on the grave
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kisssed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grave

There Is so much a man can tell you
You Remain
My Power! My Pleasure! My Pain!
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know, that when it snows.
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Strange it feels, yeah.
Now that your rose is in bloom
A Light hits the gloom on the grave
Yes I compare you to a kiss a rose on the grey!
Ooh, the more I get of you!
Strange it feels, yeah!
And now that your rose in bloom...
A light hits the gloom on the grave...

Now that your rose is in bloom
A Light hits the gloom on the grave...