Anything

There's a sharp ache in my chest as they lower your casket into the ground, the Priest says prayers but I can't under stand them. All my senses are dulled at the sight of this. Vaguely I'm aware of tears falling from my eyes, and the thorns from the rose I'm holding are drawing blood, but I can't seem to care.

The same thoughts just seem to run through my head over and over again. It's not fair. You shouldn't be in the ground! You should be here with me, like you've always been!

Beside me your mother is sobbing hysterically and your father is cradling her like a child. Our friends are struggling not to cry and your brother looks like he's ready to scream. Inside me I feel our baby kick and I wonder if she knows that she'll never meet her daddy.

I close my eyes, the tears still dropping down my cheeks. I can't help the thought that this is just some horribly twisted joke. That any moment you'll just show up and say that we're on Candid camera or something stupid like that.

But no that's not going to happen. You're gone. A drunken driver deprived me of my husband and my best friend. I'll never forgive Fate for this.

Daniel, I don't think I can do this. I don't know if I can survive without you. You said you'd never leave me, you promised you wouldn't. But you did, unintentionally, yes but still you broke your promise. You and the baby were all I had left.

This has to be a joke. That's it. It's a joke. A sick and twisted cosmic joke.

The powers that be are a bunch of sadists. Cosmic pranksters that enjoy hurting people.

What wouldn't I give to have you back right now. To have your arms around me and mine around you. To hear your heart beat. To even hear you breathe.

I want to feel your eyes on me again. To have you touch my stomach to feel our baby kick. I want to hear you laugh, I want to see you smile. I want you to tell me those stupid jokes of yours, and whisper to me that you love me. When I wake up at night from a nightmare, I want you to be there like you always said you would.

Most of all, I want you to see our daughter grow up. I'd give anything just for that.

Anything.