29Rules and Regulations
Ty: God this is the crappiest vehicle on the road today!
Jacob: HOW SO?!
Ty: You have had this hunk-o-shit for eleven years. Windows are breaking - doors are falling off.
Matt: Yea. We need to get you a new work Van Daddio.
Jacob: You know what…Christmas just passed. SORRY!
Ty: Your birthday is in three months.
A smile spread across Matt's face as we glanced at each other.
Why does a new Van upset Jake…I mean Jacob…I mean dad…OH FUCK IT! Will I ever get used to that?
Ty: No offense…but I never understood why you are so attached to this piece of shit.
Jacob: Watch your mouth.
Ty: Pardon my French.
Jacob: And just because it is old doesn't make it a piece of shit. It works just fine.
Almost on queue the crap-shack's engine blew.
Jacob: FUCK!
I looked over at him and smiled.
Jacob: Oh shut up!
We fixed the car and two hours later we continued our way to work.
Matt: The Blackford's are going to be PISSED!
Ty: Just tell them we…
Matt: Jesus Ty – repeat rule number one.
SHIT! I FORGOT!
Ty: Never talk to the customer.
Jacob: Two…
Ty: I'll just cut the crap. Don't use anything of theirs and don't use any of your five senses in their direction. We should be ghosts.
Matt: Good.
Ty: But that is such bullshit.
Jacob: We are the help. We are like children. We should be seen not heard. Actually - we aren't. Because we should only RARELY be seen.
Ty: I always hated that old saying.
A picture of my Father flashed through my mind.
Matt: Ok were here.
We pulled up to the enormous Victorian house. The driveway must have been a quarter-mile long and the house was easily thirty thousand square feet.
The van screeched to a halt around the back of the house, and an enormous pool, was revealed along with a backyard that was obviously the center of many neighborhood booze-fests.
Ty: Where are we?
Matt: This is our main job. It will actually be your only job – for a few months at least. This is the Blackford residence and we do everything. Yard work, house work. EVERYTHING!
Ty: Ok.
Matt: Only talk to the when they directly talk to you.
Ty: Ok.
I was beginning to think the penalty for talking to these people was death.
Jacob: Our tools are in that the left bay of the garage. Have a fun first day. BYE!
Ty: WHAT!
Matt: We have to go. But we will pick you up on the way home.
And they were gone. With those final words – they just drove away.
I walked over to the garage. The door to the left bay had a note that was obviously written by someone that thought WAY to highly of themselves on it.
Oh shit. It was a laundry list of things I need to do.
Ok. I need to mow the lawn, water the lawn, walk the dogs, feed the dogs, water the dogs. Wait. Water the dogs? Let's bathe them and give them water just to be safe. Then sweep driveway. Once swept – wash. This is to be done by twelve noon.
This is going to be a LONG day…